So now that we know what the reasons might be, it's easier to understand how to react or, more importantly, how not to react. After careful observation of love and dating, this is what I know to be true: Convincing a man to love you will never work. Trying to persuade him to see how great you are together is pointless. Sharing your feelings with the hopes he will realize how much he means to you will also get you nowhere.

Thank You Eric for this wonderful article! I followed all your advice keeping my options open, stopped having an agenda, started enjoying the relationship for what it is and most importantly learned how to be happy by myself, and the guy I was dating for almost 2 years finally made it official! It takes time to practice these things but it is so worth it!
I meet a guy couple months ago,he live in new york ,i live in Georgia.when we first meet we talk on the phone and text every day.now its like every other week if any,also his not calling me when his home.he’ll call me on his way to work or home.what should I do on his birthday I asked him for his address so I can mail him a card,and he said no cause,he doesn’t like woman to send him gifts on his birthday?
This may be the best advice. Be happy. Don’t put on a façade. Be happy because you deserve happiness. Have you always wanted to travel to Paris? Book that flight! Have you desired a new career? Go back to school. Want to learn a new talent? Sign up for that painting class. Whatever it is that will make you a happier, healthier you, do it! If your ex sees you living out your dreams, he may miss you and come back. If he doesn’t, one day you will realize you don’t care. Guys really do like happy girls the most because they want to feel good when they're around you. If you're constantly full of drama when he’s around he’s going to start associating feeling bad with being around you and this is going to end things rather quickly. When you’re happy around him he’ll also be more inclined to reach out to you the next time he’s having a bad day.
My guy is actually not in town and we hardly talk then there’s this other guy I met through a friend he’s so friendly and nice we talk like every single day and we talk like more than an hour but we’re not in a relationship and my guy and I haven’t spoken this long.please I need some help here because I don’t know what to do and I really love my bf alot…… words can’t explain what I feel for him
@ Sam after reading your post I really don’t understand your question because you did say you refuse to be with someone who showed you he doesn’t care about your health if only we women really Focus on men ACTIONS not his words ACTIONS tells us the Truth… I think you really know he doesn’t really care about you and you should treat him the same with the I Don’t Care Attitude and move on.
How to make a man commit to you is a universal question that women across the globe have asked from the time of Adam and Eve. How to get a man to marry you after age 40 is the mystery that drives the female mind crazy. It doesn’t matter if you are 20 something looking for your perfect mate or 40 plus, getting into a committed relationship can be challenging.
That's right. Sex is an integral part of healthy and happy relationships, hence the stress on keeping lines of communication open in the bedroom. You know that thing you've always wanted to try, but keep to yourself? We say, let your freak flag fly. Keeping your sex life new and interesting will make you and your partner happier in and out of the bedroom.

whenever I ask him what’s wrong with him it takes a while before I get just one sentence out of him, this has affected our relationship as communication is being lacked. Ik he’s a guy and doesn’t want to seem vulnerable I understand that but we had a over the text argument more like me yelling at him even though for days I have asked him if we can talk in person so we can settle this in person so no communication is being misinterpreted but all he did was bring up lil excuses not to talk to me or I’d ask him when we would be able to and he’d be like “Idk” and because of that I would overthink everything and then just hold everything in until finally I exploded. I usually hold my tounge with being sweet and patient and I was like that for about 3 days but I was done with him not talking about what is going on with him and us and it all started when I gave him the impression that I didn’t want to be in this relationship anymore. We were in the car and I was jumbling all my feelings and not even knowing what I was saying, I said to him that I wanted some space to get myself together so that I could love myself more for this relationship. And I think all he got from me talking was that I wanted space and that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him because that’s usually something somebody would say if they wanted to end it slowly without saying “I wanna break up with you”. I shouldn’t of worded it like that but keep in mind I was PMSing to the max and I even told him that was why I freaked out on him and to try to understand not to take anything I say personal or even seriously.


I might feel a bit regret for loving him that i feel heartbroken now..But whatever it is, the days we spent together was really one of the happiest moment in my life so i never regretted every moment of it. Bad news is, i find it hard to move on.. like seriously am i obsessed with him now? it feels like hopes are there you know, and its not giving up. i just wanted to talk to him. A single hey from him would make my year, but it seems like impossible. *sigh* life…
Even though this one may be hard to swallow because we value ourselves so highly as women and no one likes a blow to the ego or rejection, it’s important to talk about. Often times a man will show you signals of commitment but not want to commit to getting to know you. There are two principal reasons for this. Either they just don’t have interest in you and don’t want to hurt your feelings, or you fell in love too easily and they lost interest in the chase of getting their “prize”. I will go deeper into the meaning of the chase and the “prize” as we move along this article.
You deserve better.. don’t contact him, it’s desperate… I know it’s hard, but respect and love yourself. Take it from a girl who took 13 years to get out. He doesn’t respect you nor your relationship .. he has control, knows you’ll be there should he want to return. Please, take time to really determine if you want to spend life with someone who breaks up with you every few months? Hits on other girls? Hangs up on you? He isn’t invested in the dynamic.. don’t give more than you receive.
One of the reasons you seek new boyfriend advice from your loved ones—and ahem, the internet—is because you’re stuck reading between every line and over each text message. Here’s the hard truth about overthinking the details: The more you over analyze a man and your relationship with him, the more anxious you will feel. When you’re researching ‘how does a man act when he’s falling in love’ and and ‘how to stop a man from withdrawing’, you lose your sense of self.

The trick is to actually do things that you like and to actually do something. That way you will put some distance between the two of you during times that you are not normally apart, benefit from expanding your talents, skills, or knowledge, and have something to show for it when you get back together. You will be able to fill your guy in on what you learned, what you did, and how much fun it was, which is much more exciting than the same old conversations you have day in and day out.
Don’t worry too much about it, Purity. You will meet the right person when you are least expecting it. There is no reason to rush out and settle down with the wrong person, just to settle down. If you are having problems meeting people guys, you can always join a singles group, try out a new hobby or sign up for a class at your local college. There are plenty of places to meet people at; you just have to get out there and explore!
The energy you put into the relationship is the only thing that matters. Putting in energy doesn’t come from a self-absorbed place, it isn’t attached to feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, anger, rage, resentment. You are outside of yourself and putting energy into giving him that “extra something” that makes you valuable, rare, and inspirational to the guy.

I need advice though. During one breakup he slept with someone else and came back saying how he realized he was in love with me etc. Although we were technically broken up we were still seeing and spending time with each other. Also being intimate. I’m really trying to move past this but his most recent pulling away has made me insecure and really psycho. We’re both older 39 and 41 professionals. His job is much more consuming and he has a lot in his life right now but says I add additional stress when really I just need reassurance (I know I have my own issues).
#7 He has low self-esteem. If you’ve been together for a while and things have not gone financially the way that he thought they would, he may be feeling inadequate. When a man feels like he can’t provide the way that he wants to, the pressure of being with someone he loves can become overwhelming. Transferring his feelings of inadequacy to you, he may unwittingly be pulling away due to his own feelings of inadequacy, blaming you for his failures.
Draw yourself away from him… Act like you’re moving on and having a better time without him. He loves and wants you but is somewhat testing you in a way. If you do these 2 things he’ll come back. I know I do all the time. He couldn’t bare to see you with other guys, you’re his woman and he’s your man… It’s hard to draw away, but he’ll start panicking.
They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, and who cares about preserving his and her dignity. Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.
As much flack as classic romantic comedies receive for being unrealistic, some of their messages ring loud and true when explaining why men pull away. More often than not, experts explain most men withdraw for one of three reasons: they’re lost interest because he doesn’t see a future for your twosome, he’s afraid of becoming too vulnerable with you, or he feels rushed to commit to a more serious union.
Adam, can you, please, respond shortly to us, the ones we posted replies in here? At least a quick guidance about what you think the missing point of the big picture is in each of us situations! I don’t want to post a reply again on you tube. I just bought your book and another program, but until I will have the time to go through the entire thing and figure myself out WHERE I did wrong/or WHERE HE doesn’t pick up the pace, I could really use your educated smell that says it as it is! My guy is at work every time I run into him…he is Police, yeah, Mr. Police, but he is NOT ashamed to squeeze his head after me though, he just wanna make sure I don’t see him lately after he pulled off…so I don’t think he is not making the move bc the “work thing”….am I missing anything?
@ Sam after reading your post I really don’t understand your question because you did say you refuse to be with someone who showed you he doesn’t care about your health if only we women really Focus on men ACTIONS not his words ACTIONS tells us the Truth… I think you really know he doesn’t really care about you and you should treat him the same with the I Don’t Care Attitude and move on.
This also seems like a misplaced expectation of what love is and what relationships can do. A relationship will not solve all your problems, or make you whole, or give you ecstatic happiness at every turn. I’m not sure what “enough” for you looks like. It sounds like you need to mature in your understanding of love and adjust your expectations, rather than throw in the towel or play games with his heart. Have a conversation with him, but also do some introspection with yourself of where these ‘shoulds’ are coming from.

This lack of communication is the perfect example for why feelings get hurt. He’s a bit insensitive for not letting you know that he doesn’t want anything serious at this time. However, it could be argued that it is none of your business what he is up to. Some may even brand you as deluded for thinking that men want long term relationships at your age. However, research tells us this is anything but the case. Men do want relationships, and are not commitment phobes.
Everyone enjoys a good mystery, and your special guy isn’t immune to that. If you want him to miss you, keep secrets to yourself. While there’s much to be said about being completely upfront, if your goal is making a man miss you, this isn’t the plan to follow. You don’t have to share your life story in one sitting. Guys like a little mystery and don’t want to know everything about you right away. In fact, that’s how a lot of them lose interest in what could have been a potential love connection. And it never hurts to surprise him with spontaneity. Invite him to do something unexpected. Ditch the dinner and movie and try an outdoor adventure. Guys stray when they’re bored so keep him on his toes and interested. If you’re fun to be around he’s going to want to be around you more and will definitely miss you when you’re not around.
Let him go for the time being. If he really likes you, he will come back. Meanwhile, focus on yourself — exercise, go out with your friends, see your family, have a hobby etc. It takes your mind away from this guy and also strengthens you as a person. If he doesn’t come back, you just move on and become a better version of yourself. If he comes back, then you can re-evaluate if you actually want to be with this guy. The “pull away” downtime is good for both of you.

Last message I told him that I’ll let him having time there to get things done after he told me that he’s not struggling with everything. (he has lots of extra expenses for this move too) He said he has anxiety about kids moving away (where we are now and new location is about 13 hours fly) but anyway he will prepare everything for them to move smoothly.

Being supportive is a great way to remind him of why he is in a relationship with you and enjoys being around you. Therefore, when he rants about his jerk boss or complains about where he is at, be supportive. Respond in a supportive way. Be on his side. Make him feel like he’s not alone in the world when he feels alone in the world. Doing that will make him wish that you – the one person who always gets him and supports him – was by his side. And, when he does get home to you, he will feel relieved that he’s back around his number one fan and companion.
Guys like girls who have a focus – whether it is studies, sports, career or any other activity. Show him that you are a woman with dreams, passion and ambition. Be focused in your own life and vigorously pursue whatever you are doing at the moment. Men are naturally attracted to successful women and if you manage to become one, there is little more you will need to do to make him want you more and more.
If you know the actual reason why your boyfriend or husband is acting distant and not giving you the attention and time that you deserve you will be able to correct the situation and get his attention back. The key is to try to understand the reason behind your man’s cold and distant behavior. Here are the possible reasons why men withdraw in a relationship.

Speaking of phones, take a look at your message history with your crush. Do all of the chats begin with you sending the first message? If so, hold off contacting him. It’s OK to give him the space to take initiative. If he doesn’t, don’t be too bummed. It could be that he loves talking to you but has grown accustomed to you being the one to start things off.


Julie, i’m glad you responded to my comment. Thank you! i needed a perspective of a third person, which you did n i really appreciate it. What you said does make sense, we had indeed just met. i only wished i had stayed longer to get to know him better. but my family said they needed me and I moved without even thinking twice. Funny thing is, after i did move, my mom was like she felt sad for me that i moved quitting my job and all and that i should’ve stayed back if i wanted to. i was like in my mind, are you serious?! lol
Let’s face it: some guys are simply just not interested in long term relationships, and would much rather have flings. They love to enter into relationships, have fun with a woman for a few weeks, and then move onto the next thing. It’s nothing to take personal- he’s probably just young or immature and isn’t ready to have anything “real”. If this is the case, you’re better off without him anyways and you should be glad he pulled away rather than cheating.
Have you ever caught a whiff of something and a person or place came to mind? It can be the lightest smell that brings you back to a certain time in your life. That is because our sense of smell is attached to our memory. Certain smells will always be associated to different memories in our brain. If you want a man to miss you, bringing up those happy memories of your past will do just that. Be sure that you wear your personal scent every time you see him. Each time the smell hits his nose, you will come to mind. It might also be a good idea to spritz a little bit of that scent around his house but be discrete. He shouldn’t see you doing this for obvious reasons. If you leave your scent around his house he’s going to have a hard time getting you off his mind and not missing you.
Do you think that you need to get into bed with a man just to keep him in your life?  Typically speaking, nothing could be further from the truth.  Having sex is not the solution to winning your man.  In fact, it can actually cause the exact opposite if he thinks you are loose with your morals. Giving yourself fully to who you believe your man is can remove the challenge and find him rushing off to accomplish another quest. Go with your gut instincts.
What makes you irreplaceable in the eyes of your man? Your ability to reach deep into the depths of who he is and inspire him. To put it more bluntly, you must offer something that is much more rare and valuable than sex if you want him to treat you as something important in his life. I mean … duh, right?  And yet this obvious truth gets distorted and overlooked.
Hey there. If I may, I’d like to say that we are currently in a similar situation with the ‘ex-guy-comes-back-and-the-two-of-us-starts-dating-again.’ And I can understand the emotional roller coaster you are going through and the feeling of tiredness is not new to me most particularly since I am in my last year of getting my law degree. The stress arising from thinking about his slow reaction time to my texts, and the fact that we seldom go out together are driving me up against the wall. And so I finally but gently told him that I was seriously exhausted, not just because of him, and that I needed to focus on myself first so I was implying that I would be leaving him out there for awhile while I do my own thing.
Hard to tell what’s the difference between giving him space and receiving cold violence from him. But my opinion is if his not talking to you makes you feel very painful, then there’s no difference between giving him weeks or months of space. Relationships should be more about trying to make both sides happier rather than sad. Try to stay away from toxic people and relationships. Take care of yourself and people who you love and who love you. Go make friends and have fun! Relationship is a necessary for humans, romantic relationships may not. Good luck beautiful babes!
This is one of the best comments I’ve read here Shirley. While I don’t think these articles are trying to blame us for the reason why men pull away. They do always seem to be like “oh he’ll come around”. Maybe in the land of unicorns and rainbows he will. In reality if the guy has made up his mind that they don’t want to be with you anymore no amount of space will make him change it. My ex ain’t coming back to me after his vanishing act. Was seeing him for a few months. Everything was fine until I didn’t want to have sex on the couch when he wanted me to after that I didn’t hear too much from him. Is he coming back to me? Probably not. Not unless he can’t find anything better. I wasn’t needy in that relationship. I only got pissed off when I hadn’t heard from him in a few weeks which I thought was a bit out of character. Then I tried to find out what was up and got zilch. His silence spoke pretty loudly.
I stayed up late last night to read your words. I was searching for some consolation to a negative thought in my head, and I found it. And here you are again today. You nailed it. Only through extreme heartache, researching yourself, and learning the lessons can you truly appreciate your eloquently written words. You are so highly skilled. What a gift. You found your calling. Ox
Commitment problems can come from a wide range of places. Perhaps they had a relationship that was horrible and their ex cheated on them. This would obviously make them hesitant to commit to someone else. They may also have parent issues that explain their commitment issues. First, you need to figure out why they are that way so you can tailor your behavior to make them want to commit. [Read: 13 signs he wants a relationship but has commitment issues]
I have been “talking” to this guy for almost 3 months. It has been going great, but we have not had the commitment/exclusive talk. I was fine with us taking it slow and was not worried about this, but now we are long distance for the near future. I feel like we need to have this talk so I know exactly where we stand. I do not see any point in being in a long distance relationship if it is not serious, and we do not have a plan and are not both committed to make it work. I know I should have brought this up before I left, but I panicked. I am not sure when I will see him in person again and my question is in this case is it acceptable to discuss this over the phone? And when I do talk to him how do I bring it up without him freaking out.

He could have realized that things are starting to get more serious with you, and it could have scared him off. He may also be waiting to text you again just to make sure that your relationship with each other stays in the “friends with benefits” realm instead of becoming something else. If you do want to make your relationship more serious though, you should talk to him about what he wants. You have already dated him for two years, and you will end up in the same position in another two years unless you actually figure out where you relationship stands. There is nothing wrong with having a long-term friends with benefits situation, but both partners should know that is the case and want the relationship to be just casual.


Being away from the love of your life is hard, for both of you. It may be that some days you miss him more than he misses you, this is only natural. The more we progress through life, we start to understand that sometimes the smallest things matter. Although he may not have said how much he misses you and wants to be with you, being in love and in a relationship is much more than simply speaking – it’s about we act too. Be brave and tell him how you feel, he probably feels the exact same way!
Ok ladies, I get really sick of these articles telling us we need to put up with these men that have ego problems and a lot of other problems that need to be worked out with therapy. Yes a man might withdraw a little bit if there is a problem, but a man who really loves you and is secure with himself is going to want to work things out with you, not ignore you. If a man withdraws, don’t always blame yourself like these articles tell you too. This man you’re dating probably has psychological issues, maybe so deep-seated that he’s unable to have a relationship at all. I mean a real man is going to tell you he has a problem, he’s not just going to ignore you. A man who does not explain himself and chooses to just ignore you when he knows it’s making you feel bad is a mean and sadistic person, plain and simple. This does not mean that you can stalk him though. That’s a different story, gotta be reasonable :)
This is one of the main differences between men and women when it comes to relationships. Men are more in the moment and are able to comfortably enjoy a situation for what it is as it is. Women are always looking for ways to improve the relationship and push it forward. It’s not that one gender has it right and the other has it wrong. There needs to be a balance between enjoying the present and comfortably laying the foundation for a future. It just can’t be done forcefully.
I met this guy at work. We started working together and became close friends. One day l invitedhim to my place. We were watching a movie (nothing romantic) and he kissed me. I hadnt seen it coming. I asked what that was all about and said if he wants me, he should say so. He said he likes me. He looked a bit young so l asked how hold he is. He would avoid a direct answer and say “l am old enough” or “l am not a child” and “Age doesnt matter”. He never asked me formally to be his girlfriend but he would treat me as such, we went on dates and communicated frequently. Then one day he said, by the way, l just made 26 years in May. I am 30. I was devastated considering l asked him ftom the start how old he is. He said he didnt tell me then because he was scared of how l would react. We talked about it and he said age doesnt matter. But then there were moments he wouldnt communicate. He would just shut me out and when l ask what is wrong, he will say he is getting through personal issues. I gave him space. We meet a lot at my place but never at his. When l called one day and his phone was off for two days, l went looking for his house (l dropped him home once but he didnt invite me in, saying his house was a mess and it was late). I found him home n he was shocked to see me. The pattern continued though…he being so all over me one time and withdrawn the next minute. So l sent him a ling message breaking it off. He didnt reply. But said hi at work and we spoke like normal workmates n he sent me a text about work. Recently l asked him why he didnt respond to my breakup message. He said it was complex and he wanted to give me my space. He asked if l am still his friend and l didnt respond and he got worked up about it. Since l broke things off, he communicates more…he even calls and texts in a tone friendlier than when we were together. I still have feelings for him but l dont know what this is. Did l push him away? Is he scared of me (l earn more, have a car and land and a car and a bigger house)? Is he worth another try (he is hard working, smart, caring even sometimes and has plans – we’d even talked kids and marriage) or l should stick to my breakup message and let go?

My boyfriend of almost four years broke up with me and I’m so sad. He’s been reaching out to check on me for the first four days and then just dropped off. How would this article apply to my situation? I’m not clinging to the hope of him coming back, but there’s always a chance he’ll miss me and realize what he lost. I’ve been initiating no contact with him.
My ex and I were together for 8 months in a very happy and healthy relationship. We had honest and open communication, we barely argued, great sex, we had trust and supported each other and overall just adored each other. He treated me extremely well and we were grateful for each other, his family and friends loved me and vice versa. After spending the last 5 weeks straight of our relationship together, making many memories and going on dates etc, literally overnight he told me he didn’t want a relationship anymore. To this day I can’t understand why, I gave him everything and he kept telling me I did make him happy and I was perfect and this had nothing to do with me, he just didn’t want it anymore and he needed to “be selfish and work on himself”. There’s been no contact whatsoever now for almost 2 months, but I still think about him every single day and get upset no matter how hard I’m working on myself. He had all the space and time and respect from me in the world to work on himself while in a relationship I don’t understand why I wasn’t wanted all of a sudden. Does he think about me at all? I don’t think he’ll ever regret it but the thoughts are driving me literally insane …
To a degree I understand the the above. I now how I deserve to be treated, I now what my worth is and I’ve told my guy I deserve better if it makes him run for the hill so be it. It’s ok to retreat to man gave but get a little bit of communication in any relationship I called respect. Even if it’s I need time out. I’m sick off of hanging in the side line while he tries to figure wither I mean enough or not. I beleive I myself and respect myself enough to know when enough is enough. Xx

I have been seeing a guy for just about a year. His job is giving him a lot of stress and he became much more distant. For a whole year, he never missed a good morning or night text. We never texted all day long as we are both busy but that one morning text we sent each other was just enough to let us both know we were thinking of one another. His stopped pretty abruptly. My initial reaction was to panic and I did in a way but didn’t let him see that. Last weekend he apologized for not texting me so much but to trust that he still loves me. I was a bit stumped because I never once verbalized anything about the non texting issue, so I wondered why he would say that. I asked him if he would prefer me not text him at all during the week ( which I never did anyway, only one morning text and maybe a “have a good afternoon”) and he said yes, unless it was important.
I’m thinking of pulling away for that reason. The words of affirmation just aren’t there at all. And what’s more upsetting is he told me a story about how he expressed his feelings to his ex girlfriend almost instantly, really quickly into them meeting each other. They ended up breaking up because she was not as into him. So now I feel like I have to disappear just to see if he actually likes me.
#7 Withdraw if they seem too hesitant. Not much will make a guy commit faster than the fear of losing you if they don’t. However, you can’t give them an ultimatum. Just simply stop talking as much if he starts showing you he’s not ready to commit. This might scare him into realizing how much you really mean to him. [Read: 15 ways to get a man to chase you and fall hard]

I say that because we’ve been together for three years. I just feel like he would’ve figured out sooner than later if I was what he wanted in a girlfriend. Our relationship is/was so great. We talked everyday, some days less than others but at the beginning and end of the day we always made contact. We hung out mostly 4out of 7 days a week. We’ve always made enough time for eachother, and what we want to do ourselves. We hardly ever fought. Of course we’ve had our few disputes, but nothing we couldn’t work through.
hello! well i ve read this article and i want to share my story also. I met this guy online and we “clicked” immediately. we ‘ve been texting-videocalling all the time and he told me from the beginning he was looking for sth serious etc. He called all the time and texted A LOT. we werent in a relationship since we haven’t met yet but we promised to meet in 4 months from now. the thing is he became a lot more distant this week. he doesn’t call or text as often. dont get me wrong he still does but if he sent 20 messages a day now he sends 5 . maybe he got scared because i am kind of clingy sometimes but at the beginning he seemed to not bother at all. i like him so much and i am afraid he might bail on me . what should i do? as far as i know asking him is not a good idea right?
I garnered that a lot of guys mature late. But he’s 62 perhaps now 63. How late can he get to realize what he wants. And if he still acts unclearly about how he wants to take things with you, then I bet that’s how he wants it to be with you. I’m not a 62 year old guy so I can’t clearly shed light on what your man is really thinking but considering the fact that he has not been married nor had any serious relationship before, then i am 75 percent sure he wouldn’t have one anytime soon. Perhaps what he’s looking for is companionship with benefits and he found that with you. But if you two did finally hit it off, then may your bonds grow stronger.
In short, when you see that your crush or boyfriend is pulling away, you pull away too. Do not contact him. Concentrate on your own growth, reflect on what you’ve learned from the dynamics of the relationship and move forward with your personal goals. Be clear about your expectations and your needs. If they aren’t met, then move on and see if he’ll ever come around… Because if he doesn’t, I am sure someone else will!
Through out the years I thought about him, and tried dating other people but it was never the same feeling I had, that I felt for him. I looked him up on Facebook and saw he was in a relationship and just had a baby, I left it alone but I’d check his Facebook every so often, this year I looked at it and he was no longer in relationship, it had been 8 years since we had spoken, I decided to send a message and he responded. I was so excited and seemed to be too, we exchanged numbers and soon were talking and texting everyday, he would send pictures and face time and we were catching up, this was in March. He told me that in December he and his baby’s mom broke up because she cheated on him, she had a long time friend that she moved into the house, because he needed a place to stay, but while he was at work she was heating on him with this guy, it went on for months and he felt like he was going nuts thinking this stuff was going on, but them saying he’s wrong, he finally saw that she was cheating and she kicked him out of the house and has this new guy living with her, they are still together.

How to make him commit to a relationship, you might be wondering? You have decided that it is time to stop playing games and get serious with the man in your life but he might be putting up a resistance. Stack up some tips up your sleeves, and he’ll be ready for a long-term relationship in no time. Stop wondering how to get him to commit to a relationship and read these awesome tips, but primarily, guidelines on how to get a guy to commit is really not that hard, that is if HE really wants to.
I think you’re focusing WAY too much on him and what he’s feeling. You’re focusing on the fear you have of losing him rather than focusing on your happiness. You have to ask yourself how you feel about yourself in this relationship as is. Do you feel your confidence, or do you feel insecure? No man is worth being with if you feel insecure. And if you do feel it, you have to change your dynamic and approach so you can get that confidence back. A man LOVES a confident woman, and you’ll feel better about yourself being confident, anyway. The way to get confident and attract him or any other man to you is by focusing on YOURSELF. You need to make sure you’re happy on your own before you can be happy with a man. This doesn’t mean you need to be single to get happy—just have a fulfilling life for yourself outside of a man. Don’t let him be the ONLY valuable thing or person you have in your life. You need to be excited about more in your day than your bf. You have to have other things going for you that make you happy. Once you can sustain happiness without the need of a man, you’ll have your confidence and this will be attractive to other men (and possibly your ex). The key is to not lose the focus on YOU even when you do get into a relationship or the relationship deepens. NEVER lose sight of your happiness. You need to continue having a fulfilling life outside of HIM. Once you start losing that grasp on yourself and get more caught up within the relationship, you’ll start to depend on him for your happiness—and he’ll withdraw again. Even if he withdrew for other reasons, chasing after him as if you can’t live without him will only push him away further. If he is a good man who is emotionally available and TRULY wants you, I promise he will come back. You don’t chase him, you don’t contact him. Let him contact you. Give him the chance to miss you. This can take anywhere from a couple weeks to a year or more. It’s however long it takes him to miss you, IF he truly wants you (took my guy 8 months). In the meantime, you don’t wait on him. You focus on yourself and getting your happiness and confidence. Fill your life with people and hobbies you love. Try new things you haven’t tried before. Change jobs if the one you have makes you miserable. Do what you need to do to give yourself a fulfilling life. Make sure you have your days full of plans so you don’t give yourself the chance to sit and mope about your breakup. That’s not going to help you. You need to show yourself how great life can be, even if he’s not in it. If he never reaches out, then he doesn’t truly want you—and why would you want someone who doesn’t want you as much as you want them? Don’t wait around for him. Focus on you. He will come back if he truly wants you, and you have to continue to focus on yourself even if he does. If he doesn’t come back, you’re going to be fine because you’re nurturing your happiness and confidence. PLEASE don’t lose sight of yourself, ever. It’s your golden ticket to happiness and to a great man who will love and respect you.
Why men pull away is a mystery to women, especially younger women who are trying to make their man to commit, everything is going perfectly fine, and all of sudden their boyfriend starts acting distant. If you find yourself in a similar situation, you may be having unlimited questions about what the exact reason is why he is acting distant and cold. You may be thinking if you did something wrong. This can make you feel hurt, angry, and confused. There could be various reasons why your boyfriend or husband is acting distant and withdrawing from you. Maybe your boyfriend does not want a long-term relationship with you, or maybe your husband is having issues at his work place and he is trying to find a solution. Maybe none of these reasons are true and there is no spark left in your relationship and it’s time to move on.
#6 Reward him for boyfriend-like behavior. When he does something that shows his commitment to you, reward him for it. Something like going out of his way to make plans with you or inviting you to events is definitely behavior you need to reward. When he sees that you like that kind of thing, he’ll want to do it more and soon enough, he’ll have committed to you for real.
You think you desire something serious with this particular person—but before you do anything else, be sure you actually want to commit to him or her. Step back and ask yourself the following questions, Trespicio suggests: Do I have fun with them? Is my mood elevated when I'm with them? Do I feel good about myself after we part ways? Do they improve my life? Do I feel respected?
So you’ve just met a great guy who you feel like you have a great connection with. He’s attractive, smart and fits into your definition of “tall, dark and handsome.” You’ve probably been speaking with him for a while, but you’ve noticed something quite strange about him—the time it takes for him to respond to your messages and return your calls doubles with every interaction.

Has your man ever been described as a player? While you may think that your relationship with one another is progressing at a good a pace, a man may pull away when he senses that things between the two of you are getting too serious. If he's interested in more of a fling than a committed, long-term relationship, he may put up a wall in order to stall or stop whatever's progressing between the two of you. At the same time, if he's feeling a lot of pressure from you to commit or your relationship is moving at a rapid pace, he may also choose to act in a distant manner in order to slow things down and take the time he needs to figure out what he really wants going forward. 


Hi I was engaged to my fiance for 11 years and things were going great until last July when he left me. In September I heard that he was seeing another woman that devastated me they split up in November, in December just before Xmas he contact me saying that he missed me and wanted to work things out, 2 weeks later he went cold on me yet again I was left heartbroken. Towards the end of January he turned up on my doorstep and asked if he could talk about getting back together; this time he took me out on dates and said that we would take things slowly I agreed. It is now the middle of February and he said to me that he needs space a week later I messaged him to see if he was ok and he did not reply back for hours saying that he ok. I am stuck in limbo as he has gone cold again I don’t know what to do anymore?

Then one friday night on a party im so drunk and we go together at his place and we had an intercourse. Its not planned at all. But i think it’s the right time even though we dont define our relationship i feel comfortable with him so i feel ok. He never pressured me to have sex i just feel comfortable around him.. i think after that we are still ok, he still text me.

During the courting process we’ve been conditioned to believe that men should be providers and women are caregivers and nurturers. This division of labour between the sexes has become a staple in nearly every walk of life, most notably, during the courting process. Despite society’s attempts to abolish traditional gender roles, many men still feel more inclined to “foot the bill;” as it is still considered a good gesture, and does nothing but increase our chances of being in your good book.

Ok so I don’t know how to start. My boyfriend and I had a 5 year age gap. And I recently just had him end a relationship of 1 year and like 9 months. We met on Facebook through a mutual friend and talked for a couple weeks in the beginning of Dec. 2016 until his birthday in January of 2017. Three days after his birthday party he invited me back over to hangout with him and the female mutual friend (who I met through work, she was like his older sister, she told me. And his neighbor) Anyway it was just me and him hanging out for a few hours and by the end of the night he romantically asked me to be his girlfriend, because we talked for weeks before meeting and he wanted to exclusively see me and date. I said yes. Fast forward maybe a month or a couple months and things were going great. We hungout on weekends, he came into my work to see me right after he got out from work almost every other day. It was very sweet. We went to movies, we went to his friends & his parents and were doing all kinds of stuff. People I knew from work would come to his house and hangout, watch movies, play games etc. Then I finally confessed to my parents that I was staying at his house (basically living there, I stayed 3 or more nights with him.) Everythjng was exciting and fun & sweet. Fast forward a week maybe and he asked me to move in. I said yes and told my parents my decision. I’m a cluttery/messy person.. and he’s OCD. Anyway after we were together over a year he said that maybe we should break up. He said he loved me very much but the house was always a mess (and I was working a ton of late nights as a pharmacy tech & always studying so I was tired. ) He told me the house being dirty was depressing and things with our relationship weren’t as exciting as the beginning. I managed to ask him to give me another try, I promised to keep the house clean & to do more activities with him. For a few months things were great, we went to his friends almost every weekend. We enjoyed activities with his & my parents. And we still hungout with our mutual friend (his neighbor).i ended up quitting my job and we went to Florida for 2weeks. We stayed with his family along the way and I met everyone. That was this past april. Things were great. We even recently went to Wisconsin together for a family wedding. Then tragedy hit over 10 days ago. His parents had moved down south before April, and I knew he missed them a lot. He rarely spoke compared to his every day phone calls with them. They were always busy now. So he invited one of his best friends to stay for a week with us to kinda pick himself back up I guess. It created tensions between us. We went to get him downstate for the weekend and I don’t like doing things outdoors/active.. idk why. Anyway ever since then he stopped holding my hand & kissing me goodbye before work. He even stopped kissing me when he got home from work, he withdrew from me almost completely, and I’ve always been clingy. But I was coming up on 7 months with no work and money was tight so I blamed it on that. Long story short he broke up with me 10 days ago. He said we are two different people and he needs an active and clean/neat partner. And I need someone to motivate and wake me up when repetition happens because I can deal with the same thing everyday. But not him. So for the past 7 months I’ve been trying to sell soaps. And he hasn’t been exactly supportive. He doesn’t talk about it. We would fight because he wouldn’t say anything positive he just would say oh cool. But he wasn’t negative or thought it was stupid either, I got his mom into the hobby. I miss him now. I don’t know if he will ever comeback. I’m desparate.. I was with him for almost 2 years, so many memories, i moved in with him and left my family & friends behind. They lived 30 minutes from where we lived. Nobody ever visited because of distance. I was ready to marry him, and at one point he did too. But the day we broke up he said something was missing in his life and he needed time alone. I have so much I could say, but this is already too long. And I recently made an okcupid account and found he had reactivsted his old one. I am so depressed that he’s moving on already. He didn’t want to give me anymore chances to change and he didn’t want to fix things.. But he swore up and down he’s always supported and loved me. He said he still loves me but we don’t work. Somebody please reply, I’m losing my best friend and the man I love. I know couples can change & grow together in relationships, I just feel because he’s depressed and isolated from everybody hat he’s pushing me away too.. I can do but leave him alone because he doesn’t like to message me anymore. I had a new phone he persuaded me to get with him when he wanted one too, everything was contract & in his name. It was a hassle to get it switched back to me & make payments w/o a job. Same with my car insurance. We were looking at houses and everything. It was like overnight he changed..
Guy, yeah it might be easier if you just avoid the situation. Everything’s easier if you just run away from it. It’s not right though and a very childish way of ending things. There’s something to be said for a bit of honesty. If you ignore the person rather than saying “I’m no longer interested” it shows that you’re not honest. It says more about you than it does about the girl who you’ve just left out of the blue. Been out with a few guys who for some reason or another have realised that it’s not what they want and they were honest about it. Didn’t like it because I really liked them so was a bit hurt but I got over it eventually.
However, for women it is always nice when a guy does the romantic thing and buys you presents etc. So if you have been in a relationship with your man for a while and this is happening to you, then you can also use James Bauer’s questioning technique to get him to realise on another level that he needs to pay attention to you in a more romantic way.

Go out with friends and tell him about it. Start having nights out with your friends instead of date nights, and then tell your guy all about how much fun you had. He will probably be happy for you, but he’ll also be a bit jealous of how much fun you can have without him. If you spend a couple weekends having fun with friends, you’re guy will soon start to miss being the person that's having fun with you.
Of course, giving him space is really just the first step… but when it comes down to it there are 2 big problems every woman experiences in her relationships with men – so pay attention because what you do next is vitally important. The first problem you’re probably going through: if you’re already interested in a man and you feel he might be losing interest, going cold, or pulling away then you need to read this right now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
When distance is involved, we remember why we love the person so much and, believe it or not, focus on them more than when they are right beside us. It’s like dating all over again when you go back to your own homes at night and think about each other until you get back together. While you may not be able to go to that extreme, nor should you, there are some real good tips on how to make him miss you often enough to keep that spark and interest alive.
For this next step, you’ll definitely need to tread lightly. When done incorrectly, this trick can backfire and kill any chance of you reuniting with your ex (if that’s your end goal, of course.) If you want your ex to really miss you, one of the easiest way to get him to take notice of you is to show up with a new date on your arm. Your new guy doesn’t even have to be hot, and as a matter of fact, you don’t even have to like him. He’s there to serve a purpose and one purpose only: to make your ex insanely jealous. Don’t stick your tongue down the poor guy’s throat or grope him right in front of your ex though. Keep things platonic, and let your ex’s mind wander. It’s true, we always want what we can’t have, and if your ex thinks you’re spending your nights wrapped up in the arms of someone new, he will do whatever it takes to bring you back into his life!
As soon as your ex starts to miss you, he will start throwing out hints about the two of you meeting up. But if you really want a chance of getting him back into your life for good, you have to decline his invitations initially. Simply let him know you’re not yet ready for a face-to-face meeting, but you will contact him when the time is right. He’ll be on pins and needles waiting for you to finally ring him up and accept his invitation. This will make him miss you even more as he patiently waits for the day he can finally see you again. It’s up to you how long you plan on keeping your distance from him, but generally a month or two is more than enough time to drive him wild and reignite the spark between the two of you. Now the specifics depend on your situation but all you need to do for sure is give it time.
Wow!! All I can say is thank you for writing. You have an awesome way of saying things, straight to the point no BS. This is what people need I tell all my friends about anew mode, lol I even quote some things you say on Facebook. I’ve been married for twelve years and I love reading your articles because it makes me a better person, wife lover!! Thanks again! 
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