I really love him. I just want to hear from him. Some of the reasonings we broke up include he felt unappreciated, he wasn’t “getting” happy, he’s bored with the relationship because all we do is sit around, which I immediately told him that’s not fair and I always try to get him to do things and said I know. But a few more reasons he’s told me, he wants to be around someone positive, and I’ll admit I haven’t been in the best shape lately. I lost my job, I’ve been going through family issues, and friend issues. I always am first to tell him everything. I can understand why this is what could push him away. He is a very easy go free kind of guy. He also told me “I’m not what he wants in a girlfriend” of course all these words hurt. I think about everything he’s said and it hurts. Do I believe them? Slightly.
I have a long distance relationship since Jan (Spain-Sweden) seeing every 3 weeks, he said he doesnt have time for full time gf which i said ok so distance is fine so it has been fine as he is been full on even flew to surprise me like crazy! and i know he is crazy about me, all is good but suddenly (2 weeks ago) he said i am in his head all day and he needs to focus in work as he has a financial goal. and break up w me but in tears so it showed me he cares about me but we talked after and i believe, been w me has affected his work and he feels bad about it. i told him we can step back a bit so he can focus in work. help!!!!!!
Being friends with benefits makes it easy for him to get what he wants and often results in men pulling away. Maintaining a real friendship without an attachment of the desired outcome can give him the opportunity to see you in a different light when he is ready. It’s important to keep your options open and not focus all of your energy on one person if you know what I mean. 😉
I think you’re focusing WAY too much on him and what he’s feeling. You’re focusing on the fear you have of losing him rather than focusing on your happiness. You have to ask yourself how you feel about yourself in this relationship as is. Do you feel your confidence, or do you feel insecure? No man is worth being with if you feel insecure. And if you do feel it, you have to change your dynamic and approach so you can get that confidence back. A man LOVES a confident woman, and you’ll feel better about yourself being confident, anyway. The way to get confident and attract him or any other man to you is by focusing on YOURSELF. You need to make sure you’re happy on your own before you can be happy with a man. This doesn’t mean you need to be single to get happy—just have a fulfilling life for yourself outside of a man. Don’t let him be the ONLY valuable thing or person you have in your life. You need to be excited about more in your day than your bf. You have to have other things going for you that make you happy. Once you can sustain happiness without the need of a man, you’ll have your confidence and this will be attractive to other men (and possibly your ex). The key is to not lose the focus on YOU even when you do get into a relationship or the relationship deepens. NEVER lose sight of your happiness. You need to continue having a fulfilling life outside of HIM. Once you start losing that grasp on yourself and get more caught up within the relationship, you’ll start to depend on him for your happiness—and he’ll withdraw again. Even if he withdrew for other reasons, chasing after him as if you can’t live without him will only push him away further. If he is a good man who is emotionally available and TRULY wants you, I promise he will come back. You don’t chase him, you don’t contact him. Let him contact you. Give him the chance to miss you. This can take anywhere from a couple weeks to a year or more. It’s however long it takes him to miss you, IF he truly wants you (took my guy 8 months). In the meantime, you don’t wait on him. You focus on yourself and getting your happiness and confidence. Fill your life with people and hobbies you love. Try new things you haven’t tried before. Change jobs if the one you have makes you miserable. Do what you need to do to give yourself a fulfilling life. Make sure you have your days full of plans so you don’t give yourself the chance to sit and mope about your breakup. That’s not going to help you. You need to show yourself how great life can be, even if he’s not in it. If he never reaches out, then he doesn’t truly want you—and why would you want someone who doesn’t want you as much as you want them? Don’t wait around for him. Focus on you. He will come back if he truly wants you, and you have to continue to focus on yourself even if he does. If he doesn’t come back, you’re going to be fine because you’re nurturing your happiness and confidence. PLEASE don’t lose sight of yourself, ever. It’s your golden ticket to happiness and to a great man who will love and respect you.
To do it, don’t call and let him know you are going to be late. Instead, wait about 30 to 45 minutes after you are supposed to be home to send him a message that you are running late at work, or in traffic, or wherever you are. That will be enough time to make him start to wonder where you are and think about you, but not too much time where it will seem rude that you didn’t bother to let him know what was going on.
Maybe, what you need is to stop thinking about how long you’d have to wait for him to want to see you more and focus on yourself first. I know its difficult to stop. But I think what you need is to gently nudge him and tell him that you want to see him more often, but that you won’t wait around for him forever if he keeps up his slow reaction time to your needs. Men don’t understand what we women want from them sometimes unless they’re relationship experts so I suggest you give your guy a little unobtrusive push. :)
3. Don’t give him all the “girlfriend privileges” before he’s calling you his girlfriend. This includes sleepovers (whether you have sex or not) and having sex. The reason you have to be careful not to give a guy you’re dating “girlfriend privileges” before you’re in a committed relationship is because he’s going to think to himself, “Why should I be in a committed relationship if I can get all the things I want while still being single?!” There’s nothing worse than a man who gets girlfriend privileges without having to take boyfriend responsibility. Chew on that one for a while and make a conscious choice about how you want to proceed. If you need to reference the old school phrase “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” well then, reference away. When it comes to committing to women, men report that it absolutely has to be the right woman at the right time. But if you can help him realize why he would want to commit to you by associating the utmost pleasure and positive feelings with a relationship, you’ll be headed in the right direction.
The best thing about being in love is that you get to share your life with somebody you care about. Being in a relationship itself is all about depending on each other – but things can take a frustrating turn if one of the partners becomes needy. Would you like it if you had a possessive boyfriend to deal with? Assuming the answer is no, if you find yourself heavily depending on your guy for just about everything, you should take a time out and give your relationship a fresh twist. Show him that you are an independent person just like him, who can get things done in the same way, if not better.
To a degree I understand the the above. I now how I deserve to be treated, I now what my worth is and I’ve told my guy I deserve better if it makes him run for the hill so be it. It’s ok to retreat to man gave but get a little bit of communication in any relationship I called respect. Even if it’s I need time out. I’m sick off of hanging in the side line while he tries to figure wither I mean enough or not. I beleive I myself and respect myself enough to know when enough is enough. Xx
I’ve been seeing a guy for about six months now. Everything in the relationship is great- we get along, we have fun together, we just get each other. The only thing is he won’t commit to me. He said he wasn’t hooking up with anyone else, only me, but he’s not ready to use titles. I know his last relationship ended badly, so that might be part of it. I just don’t get it, the relationship is so great in every way aside from this.
Promising to be practical rather than cheesy, this post looks at things you can do in your everyday lives to make your boyfriend want you more and more. Let's forget complicated relationship advice and reverse psychology tips that ask you to ignore him, here is a 21st century, no-nonsense and hard hitting list that is all about getting the job done – Getting his attention, making him want you and making him miss you ever step of the way.
Next, consider the situation in full. You need to look at all of these signs and not just a single one of them. If he’s not paying as much attention to you when you talk and it feels like he’s just not listening … but he’s still initiating just as much and responding to all of your texts, then you need to consider the possibility that he’s distracted for some reason that has nothing to do with you. Maybe he’s not feeling well or maybe he has something on his mind.
And lastly, many men are from poorer school districts which graduate young men from high school unable to even read at a fourth-grade level. If you’re from a poor neighborhood, your school doesn’t have nearly as much money to hire good teachers as do schools in wealthy neighborhoods; nor will your parents likely read to you. All this leaves semi- or illiterate men feeling chronically inferior to other men, and undeserving of the blessing of raising children and being in a good marriage. As one man told my mother, being illiterate means that anybody else has a knife that they can stab you in the back with any time they want.
Answer: Remind him what he was chasing you for. Show him that just because he’s won over you doesn’t mean he gets to keep you. Instead of groveling and chasing him, turn the tables and make him work to get you back. If you remind him that you can be just fine without him, he’s likely to begin the hunt and chase all over again. [Read: How to keep a guy interested in 30 super sexy ways]
Rachel, I’m a lot older than you. I’ve been through serious relationships, local and long distance. Bottom line, long distance doesn’t work. It’s not a relationship. I would say the only exception to this is if you’re already truly married, nothing else is wrong, and one of you has to travel for work. Still, that can only be temporary – the two of you have to reunite, want to reunite, and it happens.
In fact, what’s even better – take pre-emptive action. Every once in a while, YOU take some space before he does. In a relationship, you can usually figure out the pattern – let’s say every 2 weeks he will get distant and seem to need space. So instead of waiting for him to ask for it – you wait 10 days and then you pull back and schedule a weekend with some girlfriends or some volunteer activities or a weekend seminar. YOU be unavailable.
“It’s natural for him to drift away sometimes. That’s because most men are afraid of becoming vulnerable.” – That’s not the main issue here at all. I’ll put this as simply as I can – a man’s purpose in life is to kick ass. Maintaining a relationship is very different from kicking ass – it often involves the exact opposite kind of thinking and behavior. If a man spends all of his time and energy on a relationship, there’s no time and energy left to kick ass. How do you feel when you have insufficient time in your life to live true to your purpose? Men do have to face the same vulnerability issues everyone does, but that’s a different problem where the man fears something could be be taken away from him. In the common case, where the man likes the relationship but withdraws anyway, what actively hurts is that he can’t give himself what he needs. It’s not a fear of a future loss that’s hurting him – it’s the active presence of a loss in his life right now.
But now, he is pulling away. Slowly but surely. I’m so lost. I’m trying to give him space but I’m scared he will go away forever. I don’t want that so I’m keeping my shut but I’m just so confused. I don’t know what to do. I love him dearly so much still (I have not expressed that as I’m conscious of the consequences of these things especially with an ex and what we went through).
If you find that you never ever want space from him, it’s time for you to start finding your own space anyway. It’s not healthy for couples to spend all their time together. It can cause you to neglect your friends, family, and self. You can start to rely too much on this man (and, in my mind, you always need just a dose of independence for yourself) and lose your identity.
We all know that distance makes the heart grow fonder. When we are together all the time with someone, it can become quite boring and even annoying after a while, depending on the relationship. Being together constantly can take a huge toll on how you feel about each other, which is why experts recommend that giving each other reasons to miss each other may just be the best thing that you can do for your relationship.