I stayed up late last night to read your words. I was searching for some consolation to a negative thought in my head, and I found it. And here you are again today. You nailed it. Only through extreme heartache, researching yourself, and learning the lessons can you truly appreciate your eloquently written words. You are so highly skilled. What a gift. You found your calling. Ox
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. He’s 53 and divorced, I’m 57 and a widow. We were introduced by a mutual friend. On our first date the time just flew by, we got on so well. We were together for 3 months and had an amazing time together, great dates, went away for the weekend together. There were no arguments, we seemed to be a perfect match, liked doing the same things and happy together. He talked about the future, we were planning to book a holiday, he even talked about the possibility of moving in together in a couple of years. I met his children, parents, friends and he told me they thought I was a lovely. We spent a lot of time together, all weekend and 1 or 2 nights during the week and it was him doing the asking, I didn’t pressure him. I fell in love with him, he told me he loved me, I was his gorgeous girl, his soulmate, as near perfect as anyone could be. Then suddenly a week ago, he said he wanted to end it. I was completely shocked and stunned. When I asked him why he said it didn’t feel right, I was 99%, that I had brought calm and order to his life (previous girlfriend was, in his words, “a nightmare “) and he hoped he didn’t regret it. He said he’d be in touch to see how I was, that if I ever needed his help he’d be there for me. It’s only a week, he hasn’t been in touch yet. I honestly thought he was “the one” . Our mutual friend has seen him and said he was sad but not heartbroken and got no more out of him than I did. What went wrong, it seemed to be going so well? Do you think he’ll change his mind?
Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to have to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing. Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.

Well, Eric Charles is the guy and he promotes the masculine behavior. For God sake, women, our message is clear what we want in a relationship. I am tired that we are always trying to please those guys and etc. The reality is that guys behave as they want and we need to adjust to their particular needs. All those articles say that we need to understand their mindset and how they function so that we could finally find a happy relationship. We basically have to play games. Men are really complicated. Women are very simple. If they want something they say. shhh!!! watch out!! If you say this, the poor guy will be frightened. He does not want to commit. Do not make love with him because he will get what he wants and again he will not want to commit. Jesus! Then, why they do not try to understand how women function and to adjust. Most men are absolutely idiots when it comes to the relationship. We women can give some classes to our sons so that at least new men generation would be more aware of the subject which is “women”.
If you want this guy to be your boyfriend, you have to make him think that being in a relationship was all his idea. So remove all the pressure and stop stressing him out with your constant talks about being committed to each other. Soon enough, being with you will be the only thing on his mind, and he won’t even hesitant letting you know that he’s ready for a relationship.

And it was a big catastroph. X was so angry he left me, he insulted and shouted. He came back to do the things he didnt do when he was with me. I cried a lot and begged him not to leave. I did all that i can do. One day he called me to talk together. When he saw me, he hugged me he was calm and lovely he sad we can fix everything together. I was sooo happyy but the next day he woke up angry again and said he cant forgive me and he is not forgetting what i did i begged him again and again but it didnt work

High levels of stress can do many things including destroy relationships.  If the stress of commitment is getting to him you may find him pulling away until it clears.  If you chase after him in you could find the result is that you have pushed him clear out of your life.  Give him space and time to think.  Be available but create that mystique that found him seeking you out in the first place. i.e Just be You


My boyfriend broke up with me last week after being together just over a year. Said I’m to negative for him and that he was unhappy for the last 8 weeks. Prior to the break was our year anniversary and in the card he wrote ‘can’t air for many more’. He’s told me himself he can’t fault the relationship except I was negative about life. I recognise this now and have also been referrrd for CBT therapy to help with this. He came and saw me the following day to talk. Said he didn’t know what to do with me and that I needed to be less stressed and chill out more. Live for the now and not the future. We had a long cuddle I n bed it felt amazing especially after the heartache the day before. when he left and text when he got home he said I don’t want to lead you on or confuse you but I need to sorry my head out and you need to sort yourself out. Take each day as it comes. Friday came and we had a chat and he said he feels we may of got together to quick as he never intended being with me but things happened and I made him happy. He told me it was 4 weeks he had been unhappy for not 8 as initially said. He said he isn’t wanting to be with anyone atm but still needs his space and if I want to message him I can. We follow each other on social media still and fb says still in a relationship. I know he’s really stressed with not having any work atm and his mum even said that too and said she has her fingers crossed it works out for us. I’m so hurt and confused by it all. It’s now the fourth day since we last spoke and I just want to message him and call him to tell him the positive steps I’ve taken since. We have a concert in July that he says we need to sort the tickets for and I said I still wanted to go with him and said okay. Not sure what to do but everyday I want to just message or call him

He was supposed to buy his ticket to visit, and he had not. When I got home he called me. When I asked if he was still visiting, he said he wanted more, he did not know me as well as he would like, the calls were not building the relationship for him and seeing each other once a month would not be enough. That day and that day only during our calls, I said I knew the two months would be hard, that we still should get to know each other, that it thought we were falling, and that I while not there, I could have seen him as my husband (not yet, but could see it). I felt confused as he had been leading, initiating most calls, was the one saying love you, and asking to talk. He said that I was great emotionally and verbally and he did value me. I finally said, I want you to have what you want and wish you the best.
If your guy is hesitant to commit to you, going away on a trip with a few of your girlfriends will definitely catch his attention. The whole time you’re away, he’ll be driving himself crazy wondering if you’re meeting and hooking up with other guys. This is your time to completely forget about him, and just live in the moment! Feel free to send him a text here and there to let him know how much fun you’re having, but don’t stay glued to your phone. Give him time to miss you, and we guarantee as soon as you step foot back in town, he’ll be anxious to make you his girlfriend once and for all!
Lets Chat Love is striving to become the best relationship forum available, and we’re on a mission to provide teenagers, youngsters, adults and seniors a platform to help improve their love lives. The community is full of users from every ethnicity, gender and religion, from qualified relationship experts to your everyday person. Sign up today to talk about your issues and to seek guidance from other members, free of charge.
So I went. He was extremely shocked and happy to see me… but I was giving him a cold shoulder. I sat there and all of my questions and anger and sadness began to flow out! He listened closely and apologized genuinely but I felt hurt. I left after reeming him out for half an hour, and the next day he called me. He asked me to meet up for pizza in the park and we did. He kept thanking me for coming back to him, and apologizing for having hurt me.

When I was younger I always used to real men in and then cast them back out. So when I was with them I was fun, talked about them more than me and didn’t ever nag them but as soon as the day/night ended I wouldn’t call or text (or even really think about them) til they got back in touch. Men love women like that. Since having kids and now being single again it’s not quite so easy due to lack of spare time and me worrying that each person isn’t going to be good enough for the rest of my life, but after reading this I need to get back on track with my old ways. When I was in a relationship I was exactly the same and would never expect them to do boring things like shopping or visiting my mums house for dinner and I wouldn’t gatecrash their family events. I’d encourage them to go and see friends but they end up wanting to be with you more then .
As an overview, I was in relationship for 2 years and I broke up few weeks ago. The reason of the break up was because of our jealousy. I was jealous of a particular girl and he was also keep being jealous of some friends of mine that I’m not even close with. Neither of us was cheating, but apparently he was sick of always getting into argument when it comes to our jealousy. The last thing I knew before I’m losing contact with him is that he is approaching the girl I was being jealous with. This sounds quite silly, since we actually survived bigger quarrel but this got us broken up. I really need an advise of what to do. Thank you

If you harp on him and pester him to talk to you and open up he will see you as another source of stress in his life and will pull away even more. This creates a vicious cycle of you pushing him, him pulling back, you pushing more, and on and on until he either distances himself from you entirely or the relationship continues with an underlying tension. You can’t force someone to open up to you, especially when it comes to difficult emotional topics. You can invite them to open up, but you can’t badger them into it.


We’re all about empowered woman, but when you don’t let your man do even as much as change a lightbulb for you, it will make him feel inferior and not needed. Remember, his self-worth is directly connected to his ability to provide for you and protect you. Let him open doors for you, fix what needs to be fixed, pick you up late from the train station, etc. And if you make more money than him, still, let him pay for things. Being strong and independent is wonderful, but it doesn’t mean you can’t accept help or courtesies from other people.
I know this is very difficult, but just continue what you are doing and do not initiate contact with him first. However, if it as already been eight weeks with him not nudging you, then he does not deserve you anyway. Or else give it a last shot and try contacting him now, and if you all get back together then switch your position. Act like you do not care how often you see him. Use reverse psychology on him.
2. Manage your expectations. Are you, dear Dignity Dater, envisioning yourself walking down the aisle with your new guy…who you’ve been dating for three weeks? Stop right there. It’s imperative you don’t assume too much, especially too soon. You must stay in the moment! When you have too many expectations for your future relationship with someone new whom you’re dating, you are surely setting yourself up for disappointment. If you spend hours fantasizing about his proposal or the wedding and find yourself doodling the names of your imagined first born daughter, STOP it now. Take a deep breath whenever you notice this happening and ask yourself, “What’s true NOW?” Even if you have to reality check yourself a zillion times a day, making sure you’re interested in HIM versus interested in the possibility of who HE is as your future husband can be a game-changing shift in mindset. When you get disappointed about something that he doesn’t even know you’re thinking about, and you begin “leaking” hints about what it is you want, it can actually push a man away. So be in the moment, be your authentic self, and have a good time collecting data about him, his values, and yourself.
Hey there. If I may, I’d like to say that we are currently in a similar situation with the ‘ex-guy-comes-back-and-the-two-of-us-starts-dating-again.’ And I can understand the emotional roller coaster you are going through and the feeling of tiredness is not new to me most particularly since I am in my last year of getting my law degree. The stress arising from thinking about his slow reaction time to my texts, and the fact that we seldom go out together are driving me up against the wall. And so I finally but gently told him that I was seriously exhausted, not just because of him, and that I needed to focus on myself first so I was implying that I would be leaving him out there for awhile while I do my own thing.
Sometimes the relationship started out well and then over time disintegrated into something that resembles resentment and abuse rather than love or respect.  Sometimes the relationship was never good to begin with, but the woman wants me to show her “relationship magic” to “make it work.”  This is what I equate to trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. (If this situation sounds familiar to you, be sure to read this article on Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.)
Promising to be practical rather than cheesy, this post looks at things you can do in your everyday lives to make your boyfriend want you more and more. Let's forget complicated relationship advice and reverse psychology tips that ask you to ignore him, here is a 21st century, no-nonsense and hard hitting list that is all about getting the job done – Getting his attention, making him want you and making him miss you ever step of the way.

well after 8 yrsxon and off many living with him he came back from a trip and changed i suspect he had a new friend.. i hung in there even no sex and he keptclooking at my body weird like… never seen this .. i had mostly to initiate affection but hed return it hold me at night then long weekend he drastically changed for the worse.. no more us just ai I I i had to chase him for help he already said hed do heckeot stsying in other rooms when he said good morning downstairs i had a bad face he screamed at me i have an attitude lroblem then it escalated down more still held at nite something off clutching his phone then i saw a skype overseas girl offline x time ago om his contact which take it back to exactly when he shifter … anyway weekend got worse my mistake LEAVe him alone cause i know hed not answer if i asked u met someone it felt like i was child and he didnt want to be there .. he snapped at me couple xs and i try push him away when he came to bed try hold me crazy!!! i should of just wuietly left made any excuse would been fine if he stsrting with someone else id see it unfold instead got worse i try say i going b4 roads get bad weird!! he said no u can go then he said WAIt he go get beer then he came back Entirely changed haply dislosition said ok u can stay… did he make a call got it out of the way so now i wasnt in the way timing for europe for bedtime there was right… i saidsaid i told job he asked where? which location??? i got suspeciuos why he NEVer asks my job and hes been like im dead and gone all weekend why ask maybe he didnt want me to poo in with my key if he wants to call her again timing right so i asked why honey ? he EXOlodED !!!! said cant i answer simole wuestion??? stormed out of house… said now u probably thing i go bar look younger girls! i never mentioned that… later i i went to bar calm took him back and he disappeared into gsrabe smoke i passed out i awoke 4 am hit him yelling Im leaving i m lesving i cant take it! he woke furious Good go dont ever come back and take ur stuff leave key I upset he got up i chased aroudn 3 stories house he didnt want to tak ran away was most disgusting humiliating thing my g’friend said he was oushjng u away mayne not have her yet conflicted never tell u make u fell its u now he has excuse u said U R Leavkng! exactly what he repeated u want to go ok i finally gave up last words “ u act like u seeing someone “ response “ sure i got 2 or 3” then i walked out into the nite got sick He sent text 2 days let me know when u get ur stuff Hell arrange it! DOORs are locked” i went home i sent 5 days i havnt been able clem he said text ok then iasked him drop me things He made it look like i broke it off it was cry for answers!!!! i ve never heard from him since i sent its raining to start conversation about my patio rain No answer week now HE is perfect about texting no matter in world he is always answers me… he is very sicseessful had power money younger travels skis and this women live where his office is in erope and younger femenist HaHa thatsweird! I thonk he flew away with her maybe had it planned???
I garnered that a lot of guys mature late. But he’s 62 perhaps now 63. How late can he get to realize what he wants. And if he still acts unclearly about how he wants to take things with you, then I bet that’s how he wants it to be with you. I’m not a 62 year old guy so I can’t clearly shed light on what your man is really thinking but considering the fact that he has not been married nor had any serious relationship before, then i am 75 percent sure he wouldn’t have one anytime soon. Perhaps what he’s looking for is companionship with benefits and he found that with you. But if you two did finally hit it off, then may your bonds grow stronger.
My ex broke up with me about two weeks ago out of the blue. I felt so blindsided because I thought everything was going extremely well and didn’t sense that anything was bothering him. He said he really liked me but wasn’t so sure about the future. Haven’t reached out to him at all and he hasn’t either. Idk what to think because I thought he really cared about me. I keep hoping he’ll text me to say that he made a mistake. What should I do?

You've been seeing this guy or girl at least once a week for a few months now. You're both sushi aficionados, his or her big brown eyes make you melt, or they even laugh out loud at The Mindy Project with you. It's great—except that you have no idea where things stand. They have yet to introduce you as their girlfriend or bring up being exclusive, and you're craving that "couple" title and the security that comes with it. Talk about blurred lines.
My bf and I broke up because he cheated and I couldn’t take the painful thoughts of him with another girl anymore. We were on and off after the breakup until we finally agreed on not talking. However, he messaged me to see how I’m doing and I didn’t answer because I see the people hes hanging out with and I do not like them at all. I always hated it when he surrounded himself with those people and I still do. But I’m in alot of pain because I really wanted him to be the one, I planned our future and everything and I know that he can still become a better person. His parents raised him right, he just always goes into the wrong influences. I dont know whether I should answer his message or not.

Well I’m here cause just last night my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me..he cheated on me in the past and just kelp denies that he did..it was a dark cloud hanging over our relationship every since then ..cause I couldn’t trust him no more..I was quite about it ..then last Wednesday he told me im going to a female friend house to put up her tree and some other stuff ill be back in a couple days! I couldn’t believe it..who puts up a tree 3 days before Christmas? I didn’t her from him for 8 days then last night he called and Tex me he was done with me cause I didn’t trust him!
Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests. On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner. Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and possibly make him run away.
“You know, I have thought that by this age I would have been in good job and a steady relationship. I have neither so I’m considering moving to X city. I got a job offer from there and I’ve been considering taking it or not for a while. I mean, one out of two isn’t bad. It’s not like either a job or a relationship is holding me back in this city.....”
This article was exactly what I needed to read. It was straight to the point but very in depth with how simple it is to keep your man into you. Right now I could use the help with my current relationship. Eric Charles, if there was any way to get your insight on my current situation I would greatly appreciate that. Thank you for the great insight above.
When a relationship is fresh and new, everything is exciting- especially when the two of you hit the sheets. You go at it like wild animals and since you haven’t been doing it often, everything is new and intriguing. However, as the relationship continues, sometimes that sexual spark flares out and the two of you are stuck in a sexual rut. And men, being extra sexual by nature, may pull away if they’ve lost the spark that can’t be lit up again.
Hi Ray! Thank you very much for the male perspective. I am dating a man who is 11 years older, I’m 26 and he is 37. He works out in the ocean and a lot of times we have minimal conversation via text/call. But when we are together everything is great and we get along very well. When he doesn’t have to wake in the wee ours or work out of town, he is with me every single weekend. We have been together six months and I have met all his close friends and friends kids. I have done well so far in respecting his space. When he’s a weekend with his guy friends, I am understanding and just ask him to contact me once when he is back in town so he feels he is not missing out on what he loves. However, this past weekend he had a sailboat race on the weekend which he let me know in advance and we had plans for friday night. He reached out friday night saying that turns out he had to be at the venue in the wee hours so he would not be able to make our plans. I was emotionally unstable that weekend due to some work stress and family leaving so I needed him the most that friday. I did not think of my actions and instead of politely rescheduling for Monday, I blew him up – sent him various texts showing how I did not appreciate he canceled although it wasn’t his fault. I called numerous times in the weekend and texted many times while he was supposed to have time with his friends in the tournament. On Sunday I was so desperate that I passed by his house. His roomate was there and told me he hand’t come home yet. Since I blew him up friday, I have had no response to any of my texts nor has he answered any of my calls. I am very afraid that I scared him away and threatened his freedom. I also came out as desperate for going to his place. Today is Wednesday and I hadn’t reached out till Sunday. I sent him a very short/casual text apologizing for taking out my stress on him and for not letting him have his space, to which I got no response. I am going to wait a few days and hopefully he will come around, as our relationship has matured and he’s told me how much he cares for me. Did I blow this up completely since it has been 4 days with no response?
Sometimes the relationship started out well and then over time disintegrated into something that resembles resentment and abuse rather than love or respect.  Sometimes the relationship was never good to begin with, but the woman wants me to show her “relationship magic” to “make it work.”  This is what I equate to trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. (If this situation sounds familiar to you, be sure to read this article on Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.)
Answer: If he’s feeling low about himself, then the last thing you want to do is make him feel even worse by being upset all the time. The only thing you can do is to hang on, try to boost his confidence, and encourage him to follow this dreams. Being supportive will help him to feel accomplished and will let him know that you are happy with him and have all that you could need. [Read: 12 common male insecurities that women don’t realize]
×