“I feel great that I’m hearing from you again”…is that a joke? You DON’T feel great that they treat you like that. Don’t be a doormat, it’s NOT OK to leave someone hanging, & saying that just allows them to get away with that kind of behaviour and think shelving you like a toy til they feel like playing with you again is OK. You’re better off acting disinterested & telling them flat out sorry but I’m not into that kinda thing, so you’ll have to put more effort in if you want me to stick around or I’m just going to assume you’re not interested and move on with my life. Do not allow people to treat you that way and reward bad behaviour by getting excited & happy they suddenly decide to return. Be true to yourself.
I kind of agree with both of you. I get what you mean with your post, Eric, some women just force into a relationship with a person who will never commit simply because he just does not feel the same way about her, and still she tries to push him. But I also agree that we sometimes, being more mature, I don’t know, have to act like if it was a game, knowing the right moves and words because otherwise the guy will freak out and just leave. I’m with a guy for 6 months now and he still is not sure if I’m “the one”, although we always have an amazing time when we’re together. Maybe he’s afraid to lose his freedom, or that I’ll be all jealous and stuff, but it’s very hard to pretend that I’m ok with this situation when all I wanted was a serious and honest conversation, but I have tried that in the past and he thought I was pressing him.
So let him know if you’re thinking of moving out of state. Let him know if traveling to Europe is on your bucket list. Let him know if a great job offer comes from three cities over and it’s in your best interest to move. And then work towards that future. Because he must sense that you’re not just sending him idle threats. Once he calls your bluff he wins the upper hand.
Then, switch things up by missing a phone call or two back-to-back. Your guy will be wondering where you are and what happened to your daily contact. He will start to realize that getting those daily text messages and phone calls are a part of his day that he doesn’t want to live without, and he’ll be dying to be in a committed relationship with you!
Guys become distant because we lose interest in you. It might be the way you dress, how you talk about the same problems over and over again, etc. If you wouldn’t cry, whine, cause drama about it, etc, we’d be up front and move on. But because it’s a process with potentially more talking, complaining, crying, etc… we just start to ignore you more and more until you decide you’re mad or over it. It’s just easier.
Keeping him guessing could be as simple as suggesting a new restaurant that the two of you have never tried, completely switching up your style by trying a new hairdo, wearing a sexy outfit to catch his attention, or just falling off the face of the Earth one day and never providing him with an explanation about your whereabouts. Sure, these tactics may seem a little bit rude, but you want the guy, right? So you have to keep him guessing!
First off… Why are you starting off your conversation by saying if he needs me to do things for him. You do them? It should be the other way around. A man should cherish you and should chase you. You shouldn’t be chasing him. A real man would never let a woman chase him. We are good at letting men chase us before we get attached. Once we become attached we become pathetic little puppies. You need to unattach yourself from him. Show him you don’t need him to live your life. Before you met him you were perfectly fine. Also if someone cares about you they would not leave you high and dry like that and drop off the face of the earth.
Though most women know about abusive relationship, there are many who live with it for the entire life. There are plenty of women who have to endure physical, emotional or sexual abuse from their partners, but are not able to break away from their relationship. Hence, it is necessary that women look out for abusive relationship signs in the initial stages of relationship itself. If your boyfriend or husband insults you in front of his friends or loses his temper for little issues, it is better that you break up with him. Moreover, if your friends and family are warning you against going out with your boyfriend, give it a serious thought before taking any decision. Most women are not able to break away from abusive relationships because their partner apologizes after hurting them and promises never to repeat it again. However, you must understand that such people never change and you should not waste your time waiting for him to change his ways.
Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to have to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing. Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.
Update: I had a legal question so I texted him after about 6 weeks from when he asked for space, and he responded quite eagerly, and told me he would normally not give legal advice to someone he found so sexy and with whom he has intimate relations… he told me I owed him dinner but I just laughed and thanked him for the legal advice. Now it’s his time to wait!! I texted him again a few days ago with another legal question, and he called me today on the phone because he said that he could only answer the question off record and not in writing. He told him that normally he would not give out free legal advice, but he liked me and wanted to help. I thanked him and he said he wanted us to talk again soon… Slow moving but promising! :)
I love your articles. Appreciate to help and advice my situation. I’m in relation with my boyfriends for 3 months. He’s start to talk about the future and marriage since our 3rd date. He was send me fill text everyday it’s made my heart fell full and in love with him so much and we start to have sex after 4th date. But since last months I few something changed after I asked him about the series relation between us, he’s send me a less of text, didn’t keep the date schedule. When I talked about get marriage he said we just know each other a few months. Now I’m move to other country and so worry about the long distance relation with him. He’s promised me will waiting to me and will come to visit me on Jan. But right now I got only one message from him a day someday it’s no text from him. I love him so much. How should I get him back.
Im also experiencing this right now. I’ve been talking to this guy for a month. He texts and calls me everyday and after two weeks he said that he is falling in love with me. I told him that if I want to commit it should be with someone who is serious and for long term. He said he’s looking for the same too. And so we decided to meet and spend the day together. We were so happy and compatible. I felt safe and comfortable with him so I decided to get steady with him. Even it was time for me to go he’s still the same. Sweet and caring he even said that he wants to come and visit my home. Few more days and texting and nothing is changed he’s still the same guy I met so I was really worried when suddenly he stopped communicating with me. I let the 4 days passed without asking him what’s the problem. As I was so worried and confused I texted him like this ” I’m afraid my bf has been abducted by Pokemons. Do you know anything about this?” Just to make the convo light. Then he replied ” who are you?”. That moment I felt like my heart was torn into pieces. Here I was, so worried but then he just don’t care. I’ve waited a few days more and I asked him what’s the problem? He said that he’s been thinking if he’s the right guy for me cuz he has no direction. He doesn’t know what he wants in life and asked me if he is someone that I would like to spend my life with. He said that he love me but he’s too scared. I told him that love is a gamble. And I gambled for him and that I was really hurt by his actions. I even said that I thought we could achieve what we want together, but he didn’t say anything. I ended up the convo by saying that I will always pray for him and I wish that someday he would find what he wants in life and I hope he could find someone who would make him happy. He did not reply . So I guess that’s it. He pulled back and im not sure if I did the right thing. I think that he doesn’t want me anymore but I still love him and would be willing to figure out things together but it was him who gave up. I asked myself if I want someone like that I think I don’t. So yeah we broke up.
On the other hand, if your relationship is more like Boris and Natasha’s, all he’s hearing is you nagging for every little thing he does. The two of you might argue often, even though you care deeply for one another. Then all he’s going to feel is pain. This will not lead to him missing you. He may, in fact, choose to get away from you as often as he can!
My boyfriend and I dated 4 months and he officially broke up with me yesterday. I begged him to stay but he wouldn’t. And he told me not to text him. Just not yet. He told me to give him some space and that we are never getting back together. The reason we fought was because he mostly makes plan with his friends and he no longer makes plan with me. We texted short texts everynight and we do see each other either at my place or his place once every two or three weeks. I told him that I want to date like other couples like going on dates and stuffs. Because when we first started dating, he took me to many dates and then during the summer, he started working and he got busy. I understand that. But during the weekend, he would spend time with his friends and he would text me and I wasn’t happy with that and I talked to him about it and he got frustrated. My ex always have problem with relationship. Like he is not really into it and before me, he said he would never date. But then when we got to know each other, he told me that he fell for me and that’s why he asked me out. But I feel like he started to change after he started working which was the begining of the summer. I don’t know if it was because he got busier or if he no longer liked me. I asked him and he said he still liked me and he just got busier. But to me, it doesn’t feel like he likes me. We no longer went on dates. He no longer being affectionate towards me. And my ex is like really emotionless. Not that he doesn’t have emotions, he is just trying not to have it. He said having emotion or feeling attached to things or people are hard. I talked to him about spending time too much with his friends and that’s how we broke up. He cried when we broke up. Is there a chance we would get back together? I really don’t know what’s going on anymore.
Rather than get yourself upset because your boyfriend or potential love interest hasn’t told you he misses you, take some time to think. If we take ourselves out of situations and think about what really matters, you’ll soon realize that he does miss you. Guys often don’t speak their feelings but show them through actions, perhaps he hasn’t told you he misses you lately but in fact, he does. Knowing how strong your relationship and bond is will make you realize you two are good together and that it was stupid to ever think he wouldn’t miss you.
I hope everything works for you, MissPeru. I spent a year in a long distance relationship (Taiwan and the United States), and it was not an easy thing to do. The only thing that helped in my case was the knowledge that we would eventually live near each other again. By the way, what is it that he does for work that takes so much focus? Did he ever plan on moving to be closer to you?
The energy you put into the relationship is the only thing that matters. Putting in energy doesn’t come from a self-absorbed place, it isn’t attached to feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, anger, rage, resentment. You are outside of yourself and putting energy into giving him that “extra something” that makes you valuable, rare, and inspirational to the guy.
Obviously, when you’re in love with someone, you want to spend much time with that person. But to create a feeling to miss you, you need to sometimes not be with him. You don’t always have to give up all your time for him. Your boyfriend is not going to miss you if you’re always available. Find things that you can put into yourself. Create your own space and time away from him. While it is important to spend time together to win his heart, it is equally important to give some space so that he’ll realize how special you are and how much he really misses you.
maybe you should lead someone on for as long as you do before showing that kind of attention back. and you wonder why men think their not good enough for you resulting in pulling away. not being funny but too many women out there expect the men to try try and try only for THEM to get the so called ‘reward’. ever considered making it a mutual thing and not all female onesided letting the man feel like he has to earn some kind of reward..
Recently he saw that I had written “your peeps are creative” to someone’s group Halloween photo. He freaked out and said I was hitting on other men. When I tried to hug him to calm him down, he pushed me off. He then deleted all my photos from his IG and FB. That same night his sister in law called and asked if he and I broke up. I told her what happened and she went and did a blast text message to his entire family about him being an abuser. She said she is purposely pushing me out for my own good.