To be honest I don’t think he is scared to take the next step. I do think he likes you and has feelings for you but it seems to me that you are not setting boundaries and voicing your opinion and standards in this relationship so he will eventually take you for granted. I know this isn’t the answer you want to hear but I am here to give you the truth through years of experience. Right now, he has you when he wants you and he does not have anything pushing him to be with you. Some questions I would ask is why does it not bother you that he is touchy feely with other women? Becuase you don’t want to push him away? Or Don’t want to come off bossy, controlling, or needy? If so, then this will push a man away because he will take you for granted. Now, if you are open to open relationships then that’s ok too. Just trying to touch all bases here. But moving forward you need to know your good enough and not an option to this man. Go radio silent for 30 days! Also, challenge yourself to do some new activities to keep your mind busy. I know this will be hard but do this. 🙂 I invite you to reach out to me for a coaching session too if you would like so we can get some actions into play.
Hey there. If I may, I’d like to say that we are currently in a similar situation with the ‘ex-guy-comes-back-and-the-two-of-us-starts-dating-again.’ And I can understand the emotional roller coaster you are going through and the feeling of tiredness is not new to me most particularly since I am in my last year of getting my law degree. The stress arising from thinking about his slow reaction time to my texts, and the fact that we seldom go out together are driving me up against the wall. And so I finally but gently told him that I was seriously exhausted, not just because of him, and that I needed to focus on myself first so I was implying that I would be leaving him out there for awhile while I do my own thing.
Long story short, this article helped put things in perspective again. I’m going to try my Damndest to give him space when he seems to pull away, play the cool understanding girl a little while longer, & endure. I do love him with every ounce of my heart & soul. I have always been a very confident person & have NEVER let anyone “treat me” this way. But, I’ve also never loved someone so deeply nor with this personality type before.
As you’ve probably already realized, men and women are different. There’s no getting around it. And on top of that, every woman is different in her own right as well. That’s why some of the best relationship advice for men is about how to make sure the unique needs of the woman you’re with are addressed by the way you treat her. If you’re looking for something fulfilling and meaningful, the key is understanding what the woman in your life really wants. Once you understand that, you can create the satisfying relationship you both want.
You have given the best advice that I have ever read from any article or book out there and trust I have read MANY. I see where I have been going wrong with my relationships and I see that I am putting too much of what I want them to be for me in it. I see where my negative thoughts have failed me and how I can go about changing me to be a better me for a relationship. Your views are so on point and I completely understand exactly where you are coming from. I will continue to read and reread your advice until I get myself where I need to be physically and emotionally. I definitely dont live in the moment with the man I have been with and I have gotten the I dont want a relationship thing from him but I definitely see where I went wrong because this man was interested in me from the beginning and he is still here. So I see where I went wrong. I see where I need to change just from reading your articles. I am seeing clearly. Now just to adjust my behavior and actions. I believe I will see a change in him. You cant expect people to change if you dont change yourself first… Thanks for all the great advice :)
"It's really attractive when a girl takes initiative in bed; a guy won't think any less of you. It doesn't always need to be a tit for tat thing with giving and receiving. The norm of so many of my relationships has been doing 80 percent of the work and taking 80 percent of the initiative in the bedroom. I can't explain how refreshing it is when it feels like it's 50-50." Greg G.
"Regardless of what you've heard, realize that guys can indeed be 'just friends' with other girls. Some women can get really jealous for no reason. Some think there's no such thing as a platonic relationship with another girleither one or the other of you wants to hook up. It's important for them to know that those relationships can and do exist with the opposite sex. Don't drive yourself crazy over them." KC I.
Build yourself up emotionally; accept how he has come to “view himself”; but, whatever you do, don’t allow yourself to succumb to his self serving subtle bigotry. Cry, if you must, but please don’t try to hold on to him. And, by the grace of God get out sooner than later while your children don’t really know the difference. He isn’t going to get better… . He knows what he is doing; so, you must learn what you must do for you and your children. Put a plan in place…contact a domestic violence shelter. Here is a good book to read. It’s entitled, “I Closed My Eyes.”
We all know that distance makes the heart grow fonder. When we are together all the time with someone, it can become quite boring and even annoying after a while, depending on the relationship. Being together constantly can take a huge toll on how you feel about each other, which is why experts recommend that giving each other reasons to miss each other may just be the best thing that you can do for your relationship.
Let the royals care about titles. One of the biggest mistakes you can make during the early hook is to suggest or even hint that things have started to formalize by assigning the labels “girlfriend” and “boyfriend.” Even if you feel like things are going in the right direction and that your relationship is getting more serious, there’s an extremely wide gulf between just being someone you’re dating and someone who has been officially proclaimed a boyfriend. What your man wants you to know but won’t tell you is that affixing titles to the relationship too early is like holding up a cross to a vampire. We will often run fast and hard when we feel like we’re being boxed into something we don’t want or is too premature.
Many articles on how to get a man to commit tell you to make him laugh, and do fun stuff with him. If you think your man is funny, laugh. If he has achievements, great or small, congratulate him. The phrase that says encouragement sweetens labor can be edequately applied to relationships. Show him that you appreciate his sense of humor, and he will not only feel as the center of attention, but the center of your world; ensure that he always know that you appreciate him. That is one of the ways how to make a man commit and create an unbreakable bond with you. You will become his number one girl, and you showing appreciation and genuine interest in him is what makes him want to commit.
It is going to be a year that we broke up. We are both on our early 50’s. He would hardly ever contact me for the first 8 months but for the last 3 months he has been emailing me and/or texting, he doesn’t have social media. After our break up (which he tells me it was because he couldn’t give me what I wanted) he became involved with someone totally the opposite of me, but cheated on her. He did introduce her to his family as a friend. Our text messages were at first him telling me that he would never see or talk to me again. But will continue to text me some times during the day and mostly during the evening, especially after 11 PM. Our messages have become very intimate. He asked me to come over 3 weeks ago for the first time since we broke up(he had said he would not invite me over again) with the excuse that his back hurt and that I was the only person that could help him. I stopped by (it was after 11 PM) and gave him his back massage for about an hour. I realize he was extremely turned on but we did not get intimate that night. I went home after and he asked me to please text him to let him know I was home safely, which was our routine when we were together before. I texted him the next morning to ask him how was his back feeling but he did not reply, in fact he did not text me again for 7 days. His brother passed away and I sent him my condolences and had a sympathy card for him and his family. I finally saw him again at a car wash before his brother’s funeral and he hugged me tightly when I gave him a hug with my sympathy. Last Friday he asked me to come over again after 11 PM because of his back. I did it again, I went over his place and fixed his back, only this time we were very intimate, but he refused to have intercourse, only other things. We helped each other to a release, but when I tried to go all the way he said NO, we are not doing that. Again he has not texted me back and it has been 4 days. I am so confused. I am not sure if he was using me or if he really did miss me. I have no idea if he still with the other person since I have not asked him. We were together for 2 years before breaking up, we were the best of friends and talked every day and night. He called me and texted me every day when he went away on a cruise with his friends. We enjoyed each other’s company and loved watching football games, which this girl hates any sports. I am not sure what to think. My best friends tells me he is using me, his son tells me he is confused. Please help me understand this man. I love him and I really believed he cared for me. I just don’t know what to think or if it is worth waiting a little bit longer to see if he just gets his mind straight. Thank you!
I have been seeing a guy for almost 3 months. From the start he said he wasn’t interested in a “full on serious relationship” and at that stage I wasn’t either. He then told me 5 weeks ago that he had feelings for me but wasn’t ready to commit to them yet. I was intoxicated and my reaction was “okay we should stop sleeping together/talking etc.” Up until this point it had been really perfect and he always replies asap, initiates to hang out etc. After this conversation he came back really strong without even a day in between where there was no contact and kept initiating plans e.g., going away together and paying for it. We didn’t sleep together for 2 weeks but as he lives with 4 of my best friends, we fell back into a sleeping together arrangement again and things pretty much went back to where they stopped. I had a conversation with him this week because I really wanted to know where I stand. He pretty much said that he didn’t want “rules” i.e., you can’t sleep with someone else, however for this time we would only sleep with each other and if we did sleep with someone else then we would have to tell each other and it would change what we have. I was happy with this. When it came to kissing other people, he said that because I wasn’t his girlfriend, I wouldn’t need to tell him if I kissed someone else because it would hurt him but if i were his girlfriend, he would want to know. I pretty much said I disagree and coming from a place of security that it would be nice to know that he wasn’t out kissing other girls. He doesn’t’ go out much either which he used to try and reassure me. I told him that due to the living situation and fear of getting hurt I may want to remove myself from the situation.
My ex broke up with me about two weeks ago out of the blue. I felt so blindsided because I thought everything was going extremely well and didn’t sense that anything was bothering him. He said he really liked me but wasn’t so sure about the future. Haven’t reached out to him at all and he hasn’t either. Idk what to think because I thought he really cared about me. I keep hoping he’ll text me to say that he made a mistake. What should I do?
It's like with dogs or children — you stick to your guns and you politely, patiently repeat the boundaries until they respect them. He gets it or he gets lost. Period. If you truly start to follow this theory, he'll feel how serious you are about being respected, and if he's at all serious about you, he'll get aboard the good boy train very fast. He'll know that if he doesn't, he'll be left at the station!
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