It seems counterintuitive, but experts' No. 1 piece of advice is to never to bring up the DTR (a.k.a. define the relationship, or "what are we?") conversation. "It's like going to a party, turning off the music, turning on the lights, and asking, 'Are we all having a good time here?'" Trespicio says. "A good relationship is built on momentum, and putting a stop to the fun to 'check in' is a surefire way to kill the romance." (Related: Why Your Anxiety Disorder Makes Online Dating So Damn Hard)

As an example, if he brings up his favorite band, ask him to show you what he thinks their best tracks are. Even if you’re a country-loving bumpkin, keep an open mind about his heavy-metal. If your relationship grows, you can show your devotion by surprising him with tickets to that excessively loud, long-hair-whipping band. Though you may be hiding earplugs, he’ll appreciate you tolerating the base pulsing through your chest.

Sometimes the relationship started out well and then over time disintegrated into something that resembles resentment and abuse rather than love or respect.  Sometimes the relationship was never good to begin with, but the woman wants me to show her “relationship magic” to “make it work.”  This is what I equate to trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. (If this situation sounds familiar to you, be sure to read this article on Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.)
I havent talked to him since then and this happened saturday im so hurt and I cant stop crying. He told me give him a week before we start talking again. (How do I deal with this???)I dont know what to do I can’t stop thinking about him and I keep checking my phone for him to text me. Does he miss me? He told me hes there for me but how can I talk to him if its about us he knows how I feel and he still left in hurt so much its killing me I havent been able to eat or sleep properly…. I don’t wanna wait but I know I have to I cant get him out of my mind. His close friend told me we were around each other to much and said we just need time apart. Everyone I talk to tells me give him space he misses me and thinks we will get back together. Its so hard from one point seeing him every day talking every day to nothing at all. I want him back so bad. It hurts so much and I don’t know what to do all I can do is give him time and wait for him to talk to me again…. Please any advise or what you think will help me.
Consider it a warning, but with this one, chances are, you'd put your own relationship into danger. But if you and your boyfriend love each other truly, and don't need to manifest it over and over again, this one works wonders. Tell him that you're enjoying every moment of your work/school/college. Tell him you've found a cool bunch of people who you hang around with. If you think it'll cause no harm, tell him there's a cute guy who has been checking you out quite frequently, all in good faith. If this doesn't make him jealous, I know not what does.

Consider all points 1-9.  No relationship is exactly the same as another.  There could be varying elements of any of the 9 points listed above involved as well as other equally important aspects not yet discovered.  Your relationship is uniquely yours and requires love and commitment to last.  Therefore, instead of wondering why do men pull away after getting close step back and take a look at your relationship and review where the relationship started, what pulled you both together, and what ( if anything) has changed.


The hardest question of all to answer though is this one: ‘why do men pull away after intimacy’? The answer is unclear, but it’s usually tied to a man who realized you weren’t what he craved in the long run. Especially when he becomes distant in this case, it can be difficult to repair what you had. We’re not saying it’s impossible for a guy to overcome his worries about you or the relationship. However, usually, once those doubts become so strong that it makes him pull away and become distant, it’s often too late to salvage something strong and durable.
My boyfriend and I had an on and off relationship for three years. He says he s over me and he told me to get it in my head that we are never getting back together because we don’t work out. But I love him and think we could make it work. Is there a chance we could get back together? Even before when we broke up he always called or texted , this is the first time he has acted so cold towards me.

This may come as a shock, but that tough, rugged man you’re dating gets scared of things, too. And like most other men in the world, he’s probably scared of love and long term relationships. You see, for the most part, men don’t want to be lovey dovey. They don’t want to feel mushy feelings or fall head over heels for a beautiful woman. It’ in their nature to be the tough guy who doesn’t have sensitive feelings. If he’s starting to fall in love with you, he might pull away for the simple fact that he is afraid of love and doesn’t want to fall too deep. The good thing about this reason is that most of the time, these scared men come crawling back to their lovers with flowers and a long speech about how much they love you and need you, but were afraid of slipping into the black hole of love.
I’ve been separated for 2 years now and was always trying to read about relationships, and understand what went wrong in my situation. So one after another, and onother so so book purchase lead me finally to your book! I pushed myself and finally started dating again. I’m dating this guy for one month now and your articles are absolutely priceless and of a high value to me! I would even really like to have a session of your advice in person, if it’s possible:), maybe you visit Boston any time soon?:)
I met my friend online about 5 months ago. At first he kept in constant contact with me. Then his contact became less frequent. I realized I was the one doing most of the initiating so I stepped back. After 8 days he contacted me saying I dont love him anymore. He explained the problem was not me. He schedule is very busy cause he has a 9-5 job plus an evening contract plus he own several propertyies. I thought he was lieing to me and he was a player. I found out he eas telling the truth. Most times he is extrememly tired. He made a way to spend time with me twice. We had a really good time and he was totally relaxed and he displayed his feelings for me. Both times we met he shut down afterwards and became distant. The first time he came out of it after a week and told me he was in love with me. The second time he shut down. He make sure he text me goodmorning everyday but that is it. After the first week askec if he enjoyed his visit and he said he enjoyed me, but it has been 2 weeks since then and he keeps his contact to a minimum. I reply ro his good morning text and occasionally I will ask how is he doing and he will respond but no additional test after. I have been very quiet trying to give him his space. Yesterday I asked if I offended him in any way and wanted to know why I asked. Confused I just said, “i can’t figure you out but and i want to give you your space. Nut I dont need to be in your head I just want to make sure we are good. Your word is good enough for me. He said we are good and texted an emoji kiss. I said okay.
Almost every woman has found herself in a situation where her man is acting distant and unfortunately, she does not have a clue why he is acting that way. The million-dollar question – Why men pull away? has been asked by many women. It does not have be an unhappy relationship that causes men to pull away from their partner. It could happen in a happy relationship too.
Hey there,i realy need advise. Me and this guy have been dating for almost a year,we were great together(atleast thats what i thought) until he came to me one night and told me that he lost interest in me,he doesn’t love me anymore. I was shocked and hurt,but i got over most of that,only to find that i stil love him. He tried calling me once after the breakup,but i did not answer. Earlier this month i called him,asking him to visit me some time as friends, and he told me its too soon…My question is,if he did not love me anymore than why find it a problem to be friends. i enjoy my time wth him and want us to build a future together,what should i do?

I met my dream guy 1.5 years ago , Long distance , we text and stay in touch through Videos and social media , and the love started growing , we are both connected daily , however now that I live in the same town , do my own thing , I love to be independent , we still continue our game but he is not bringing it up to the next level of action yet, like asking out for a date , I wonder if I need to withdraw more , make him miss me more , and not respond to his videos an hour or 2hours later ? I am always available , every day when he posts …AM.


hello to the every one on this forum ; am here to share my experience with Dr Mack about what he just did for me last week , for helping to reunited with my ex lover Mavis who broke up with me after 2 years of relationship because of his families did not like our relationship . but after Dr Mack did a wonderful work for me i was so shock my boyfriend called me asking me to come back to him saying he is ready to stay with me and beg his families to love our relationship, so with this great work done for me by Dr Mack i promise not to stop telling others about his good work in my life , so if any one also need his help here i will advice you contact him to via ( dr_mack@ yahoo. com )
#7 Withdraw if they seem too hesitant. Not much will make a guy commit faster than the fear of losing you if they don’t. However, you can’t give them an ultimatum. Just simply stop talking as much if he starts showing you he’s not ready to commit. This might scare him into realizing how much you really mean to him. [Read: 15 ways to get a man to chase you and fall hard]
I have a 4yr old girl and a 2 yr old boy. My kids dad and i was together for 12yrs i kno all to well that this happens. My best advice is to start putting the kids in childcare and you get a lil job you like or at a daycare being you you are use to caring for kids for like 4 hrs a day and stop focusing on him. And he’ll come bac around. Like that you’ll start building your own friendships and your always busy. Pay him less attention and he is gonna be like damn what happen and what he’s expecting. Have fun a mothers life is stressful to you need a outlet.
You deserve better.. don’t contact him, it’s desperate… I know it’s hard, but respect and love yourself. Take it from a girl who took 13 years to get out. He doesn’t respect you nor your relationship .. he has control, knows you’ll be there should he want to return. Please, take time to really determine if you want to spend life with someone who breaks up with you every few months? Hits on other girls? Hangs up on you? He isn’t invested in the dynamic.. don’t give more than you receive.
Rachel, I’m a lot older than you. I’ve been through serious relationships, local and long distance. Bottom line, long distance doesn’t work. It’s not a relationship. I would say the only exception to this is if you’re already truly married, nothing else is wrong, and one of you has to travel for work. Still, that can only be temporary – the two of you have to reunite, want to reunite, and it happens.

He knows I hate when he ignores me and sometimes I feel he does it purposely. It will only be a few hours so I know I’m also being irrational but during those times I completely get beside myself thinking he’s with the woman he slept with. Last night I went to his house and he basically kicked me out at 2am bc he was doing paperwork (taxes). He called me crackw%^*# and a liar, I’m not even sure why he would call me such filth and told me I’m too independent and I need to learn to be more submissive. Instead of arguing I should be making him dinner and cleaning his house. Other times he adores and worships the ground I walk on. This all started when I wouldn’t move in to his house bc I felt if he truly wanted to live together we could move into another house together. Plus he absolutely hates my dog, my apartment and basically everything I do. I ask him why he’s even with me if I have according to him so many “hang ups”. Advice please.
Hi, we have been living together for 10months and we both live in Australia, we had such good moments but also we had a lot of fight over stupid things. Then another case that his dad asking him to take over his company in Netherlands. He has been thinking to take it over because he saying that our relationship wasnt going that well. He cant make any decision whether he wants to fully commit in our relationship or let his dad’s company away. So eventually we have been not living together anymore for around 3weeks now. I asked him couple times to try to fix this(last time was 2 days ago) but he keep sayinn that he cant fully commit to me at the moment because he still cant make any decision,otherwise it will just make you even more hurt. Then i stop asking or send him any message. Then now he text some random message like “today i was working with him”, he sent me a pic. I dont know what should i respond? I want to make him misses me and of course i want him back. Should i respond his random message or just ignore it..?
Hey! Me and my boyfriend have been togheter for 2years now and the last month i was feeling that he stopped talking, drinking and working more. So i tried to talk to him for a week but he didnt really want to talk. So we talked about our realitionship and how i feel about him not calling me or texting me enough, compared to what i do to him. And he said that he knows that i deserve better and that he dont want to own anyone anyrhing. he said that he doesnt see a future with me, not with himself either, and the only thing he wants to do now is to work and be alone. Then we talked about our realitionship status, to remove it or not. We didnt agree on anything so the realitionship status is still there and i dont know how talk to him. I really want to try the no contact rule! But i could use some advice anyways
It’s true, we are naturally attracted to people like ourselves. The more you have in common the better but even more important, you should show him your interest by mirroring him. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve got to wear the same clothes as he does. However you should copy his actions. If he takes a sip of his drink you should do the same. Use the same words he does later in the conversation, and if he holds his hands a certain way you should do the same.
“I feel great that I’m hearing from you again”…is that a joke? You DON’T feel great that they treat you like that. Don’t be a doormat, it’s NOT OK to leave someone hanging, & saying that just allows them to get away with that kind of behaviour and think shelving you like a toy til they feel like playing with you again is OK. You’re better off acting disinterested & telling them flat out sorry but I’m not into that kinda thing, so you’ll have to put more effort in if you want me to stick around or I’m just going to assume you’re not interested and move on with my life. Do not allow people to treat you that way and reward bad behaviour by getting excited & happy they suddenly decide to return. Be true to yourself.
When we first started seeing each other he had just gotten out of his relationship with his ex and I had trust issues that they weren’t really done. I would ask him about it and one time we got in a huge fight about it because I wanted proof that they were over. Now he uses that against me and he doesn’t like me drinking because his dad is an alcoholic. I told him I was going out with a friend gave him which friend location and everything I said I’m not drinking because I’m broke..I posted a Snapchat of two beers and he sees the Snapchat and just flips on me that I lied to him and said I wasn’t drinking but I did. I told him my friend bought the drinks but I’m sorry should have let him know. Anyways the fight turned bigger and he ended things. I told him I want to fix this because it was an honest mistake and he brings up that he’s gone through hoops to prove to me and all this. He said he’ll give it another try but isn’t ready to talk about it & just needs some space. I’m at a point do I give him his space and try to fix this or just move on.
Im currently dating a black guy for 4months! I love him dearly. In the beginning we couldn’t get enough of each other! but lately when I phone he don’t pick up the phone and phones later on. I remember he didn’t have a car so that was his excuse when he didn’t show, but now he has a car, now his excuse is that his business is booming! and cant drop the clients. Weekends I don’t see him then its his buzzy time – and if I see him its only for 20minutes . We don’t have time together. I know in his culture the men don’t see the women but why does our relationship only come from one side and its me that doing all the effort! I really don’t know where we stand!

Think about it: you became so used to having your partner around, especially if you lived together or just spent a lot of time together. Now that he’s gone, everything feels out of sync. You can’t sleep without him next to you. Your body temperature might even be going wonky. All of this is normal, but you need to really take care of your health right now.


I started a relationship slow with this guy. We fell in love said we were everything to one another. He just started a new job and his ex started giving him his kids all the time. He also takes classes a couple nights a week busy schedule. He informed me his kids come first period. Anyway he was having issues getting transportation so I helped consign for a car which he’s making the payments on. This was three weeks ago.. I saw him last night because he dropped me money for the car. Which I should of never did already know. He proceeds to tell me that he doesn’t have time for a relationship yet he loves me and cares about me. From three weeks ago to talking about having kids w me to now he has no time for me. I do know his schedule and it’s crazy. So he texted me last night to check on me and I lied said I was out and he goes checking on you. I said Thanks im fine. He then tells me gn and love ya not love you like he normally does. This morning he texts me again good morning hope you have a great day taking the girls to a b day party. Keep in mind been seeing him three months haven’t met his kids. Then around noon he texts me hope you having a great day. I haven’t replied to him at all. He said last night let thing settle for him if we are both single still then we can try again. Yet he’s telling me about his day and I have a damn car payment he Will be dropping off once a week that I don’t know how to handle if I do no contact. I feel lied to and used st this point. I am doing the no contact rule but unfortunately a little hard when hes going to drop off payments to me and we have to correspond bc of the car. What do
This article shows you all the best ways to make him miss you, now in any relationship I’ve found there are 2 pivotal moments that determine if your relationship ends in heartbreak or you get to live happily ever after so it’s vitally important that you take the next step and read this right now, because at some point the man you want is going to ask himself: Is this the woman I should commit to for the long term? That answer determines everything… Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…
Two weeks after he left, we were both miserable and he started being overwhelmed with how hard work was. He was working a lot and he felt he couldn’t be there for me and he had to focus on himself. I felt like we were not in the same place in our lives and we decided to break up (over the phone). We kept texting each other and updating one another about our lives and we missed each other terribly. We’ve been through some serious stuff together and we were both unhappy about where we were in our lives while we were together.
Thank you, Ray. I needed a male’s perspective, I’m hurt & all my girl friends are angry, so I can relate to almost all of these posts. I have been with a man that “needs his space” & needs a woman to be understanding about it. It’s hard for me because although we have been in a relationship for just a week over a year, I’ve been in love with him for 20. We had a 2 year off & on thing back then & I was very young & I did not understand him back then. Although I understand him now, it still hurts, & the fear is always there, nagging at me, bringing up thoughts like, is he wanting to see someone else? Am I the one pushing him away with my feelings? Why does he not love me the way I love him? Always wondering if there is someone else, but never really believing it. He told me from day one (a year ago) how he was, & I guess I decided back then I loved him enough I could handle his occasional distance & that I had enough love to push through it.
Do you have a source or study for this statistic? Anecdoctal evidence or observations shouldn't be cited as evidence by a psychology publication. I'm a nursing student and I've visited a nursing home. I found the proportion of male to female residents roughly equal. Perhaps, there are more women, because women live on average six to eight years longer than men. In addition, older men have a higher suicide rate. These factors could explain the higher numbers of women in some nursing homes. I find this statement sexist, and offensive to MEN. I believe that men have emotions and are capable of love and attachment, just like women. I also believe that most men have integrity, and strength of character. This is the exact sort of thing that encourages stereotype, hostiity between the genders, and anti-male discrimination. The professor you quoted is obviously unscientific and a misogynist. You should be ashamed of yourself for quoting him. I will be writing a complaint to psychology today, and starting a petition about this. Thanks.
I had my girl friend who break up with me yesterday… After realising her actions towards me of ignoring me not ansaring mi phone and doing those things which made me small showing people that im nthing to her! then i made a clear question of whether we continue with ur journey or we stop for enternity?? Her respond was we have to stop and i love her so much but due to pressure, the things i bought for her i have taken them even the 1s i borrowed her… My heart is still wondering of what happened to myself… Haek
Eric, although I think you might be “spot on” on your theories, I can tell you for a fact that at age 67 I’ve had a lot more experience. Here really is the very bottom line in finding a good relationship, “it has to be cultivated and tended to”. After 40 yrs of marriage, loss due to death, we had to grow up together, we changed as we grew, we had to adjust, we became grown ups, our ideas, needs and desires changed. No matter how hard times are, no matter how much you share in common, or laugh or cry together, the one thing—“the only thing that keeps you together through thick and thin, till death do you part” Is a high regard for the other persons “person”, and a hell of magnetic physical attraction. Easy as that. It takes YEARS for the former to develop—and you can only hope that the latter remains. There is no magic wand. It is hard work that can pay you back with a lifetime of wonderful memories.
Jealousy can be a tricky beast with which to contend. However, there’s no easier way to make an ex miss you than to move onto another guy, or make him think you have. Whenever you go to a place where you know your special someone’ll be, make sure you bring another guy along. It could be just a friend or a potential new flame. As long as the ex sees you moving on, it is a near certainty that he will think of all the good times you had and miss what he once had. Guys are competitive and seeing you with another man is going to bring out the warrior in him. He’s going to want to win you back! Do not pay any attention to him during a time like this, instead say a quick “hello” and spend the rest of the night admiring the new man in your life. He’s going to go home thinking of you and it’s going to make him miss you terribly.
When we first started seeing each other he had just gotten out of his relationship with his ex and I had trust issues that they weren’t really done. I would ask him about it and one time we got in a huge fight about it because I wanted proof that they were over. Now he uses that against me and he doesn’t like me drinking because his dad is an alcoholic. I told him I was going out with a friend gave him which friend location and everything I said I’m not drinking because I’m broke..I posted a Snapchat of two beers and he sees the Snapchat and just flips on me that I lied to him and said I wasn’t drinking but I did. I told him my friend bought the drinks but I’m sorry should have let him know. Anyways the fight turned bigger and he ended things. I told him I want to fix this because it was an honest mistake and he brings up that he’s gone through hoops to prove to me and all this. He said he’ll give it another try but isn’t ready to talk about it & just needs some space. I’m at a point do I give him his space and try to fix this or just move on.
Sometimes men pull away for the same reasons we do . Ex: they have a huge stress related pimple and because most men don’t wear makeup, they can’t hide it, and they are embarrassed. Just because men exhibit different behavior than we do ( all that “manly” conditioning) doesn’t mean they are so different than we are. Let’s stop talking about men and women like we are different species and we need to study each other. Neither men nor women have a collective mind. Let’s just treat each other as individuals and take every case into account. I met the nicest, sweetest guy a year ago. Doesn’t mean it’s all been perfect, but he’s an individual just like I am and this b.s. “guys do this” and “women do that” is just not helpful to anyone. I love my short, stocky, loudmouth best friend/ sometimes bf dearly. First, and foremost, hes my best friend, the best friend I have ever had, when he’s not being a pain in the ass. But he’s still my best friend, and I love him, I hope we will always be friends.
hello to the every one on this forum ; am here to share my experience with Dr Mack about what he just did for me last week , for helping to reunited with my ex lover Mavis who broke up with me after 2 years of relationship because of his families did not like our relationship . but after Dr Mack did a wonderful work for me i was so shock my boyfriend called me asking me to come back to him saying he is ready to stay with me and beg his families to love our relationship, so with this great work done for me by Dr Mack i promise not to stop telling others about his good work in my life , so if any one also need his help here i will advice you contact him to via ( dr_mack@ yahoo. com )
I would just go ahead and assume that he is telling you the truth. If he is trying to work through some problems or he is trying to figure things out with an ex-girlfriend, it may take a bit. I am surprised that this has been going on for a year though. It seems like it would be fairly easy to figure just about anything out in an entire year. Are you sure that he is actually single? What exactly is he trying to work through right now? Have you guys talked about being exclusive yet?
High levels of stress can do many things including destroy relationships.  If the stress of commitment is getting to him you may find him pulling away until it clears.  If you chase after him in you could find the result is that you have pushed him clear out of your life.  Give him space and time to think.  Be available but create that mystique that found him seeking you out in the first place. i.e Just be You
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