I see some interesting points here re men withdrawing from relationship at times. It’s what we do. On occasion we need “me” time for simple reason we just do. Too many women see this as rejection when, in reality, we are just doing or evaluating our situation and who we are with. All perfectly normal behaviour. We will surprise you, if you let us. We also desire our mates time together so we can bond. It’s what Men do. I believe in any relationship both parties should be with their friends only not as a couple. It makes the relationship stronger. For sure Men as a collective WILL look at other Women and comment on them. Again it’s what we do. If any partner says he doesn’t do this then he is a liar. Looking is fine. Touching isn’t. Please avoid planning “our” week without checking with me first otherwise resentment will present itself. I see some comments on “he is in the Doghouse” and I’ve brought my boys up to respect women blah blah blah. All very well and nice in right context but reading between lines I sense control and “I’m the Boss” in the relationship. Dangerous ground. He will suffer it in silence but over time he will resent you for it a very fine line to balance on. In short men expect Women to be soul mates but there are simple things too he will appreciate.
Hey so I’ve been dating this guy for almost a year now. He’s into a hobby that is good for him because he’s sober. But the thing is is that he seems to be more interested in that than our relationship. Even when I leave him alone for hours he won’t really open or talk to me. I don’t ever pry at him because I don’t want to be annoying. We live together and live well together. We never fight and I’m very open with my stuff. It seems like he’s not interested though about those things. It’s not like I’m dumping problems on him at all, but sometimes it’s nice to vent to someone? I’m also on vacation and he told me that we don’t need to be in constant contact with each other and then won’t reply for hours, so I did just that I distant myself completely . It scares me though because he follows so many girls on social media and in the begging of our relationship he would direct message them nothing bad all platonic, but I talked to him and asked him to stop, but I’m scared that he might be getting that filled by talking to those girls again. All I want is to know how his day is or just to say hey without feeling like a bother. I don’t know what to do honestl. He does his best though I’m not saying it’s bad or anything but he’s so stubborn and when I’m upset about something he usually tells me it’s ok but that’s it he doesn’t really comfort comfort me but other times he tells me to bring it to god and brushes it off and goes on and on and on about his hobby he does. Disregarding anything I said or how I feel. Maybe I’m just reading into it all wrong but I don’t know. Should I not listen to him like he does to me? I communicate with him fairly well and tell him how when he ignores me it bothers me but he doesn’t change it. It seems like he doesn’t care. I don’t know. Help
Your man has to realize that he can do fun stuff with you and not only with his friends. Therefore, go to a baseball game or basketball match. Just to be clear, you don’t need to shout, swear or drink a lot, you just need to have fun. Find great seats, buy two tickets and surprise him. If he likes hiking, find great tours; if he likes ComicCons, dress up as a Wonder Woman and go.

My ex and I met 7 months ago one night out dancing. We had an amazing connection instantly. He told me on our second date not to fall in love with him as he was moving back home across the country. Regardless to say I never reached out to him he contacted me every day and we spent every day together for 1.5 months before he moved. In that time we got pregnant, he was the one that said ok let’s try this, after telling me before knowing this he was not ready for a relationship as they don’t work distance wise. So we were committed and then I unfortunately lost the baby which I flew to see him and he was amazing! I met his entire family and we fell in love. We were apart for 4 months and then went away on a trip which was great. When he moved back to my city he struggled with reality having to work and get up and guilt of leaving his dad who is terminally ill. He then started to get get distant stopped being intimate and short with me. When we finally talked he said he was not emotionally physically or mentally ready for a relationship. Where honestly he is depressed and not dealing with life situations of job security, financial security and family illness. He bawled his eyes out to me when ending it saying he was sorry that he loves me but he needs to remove himself from the stress of a relationship. He said I could still see his family and he still wants to be apart of my life, going for dinners, movies ect. I stopped talking to him and he texted me every day for three days. Then he gave me 4 days space before messaging me again saying he misses me but it’s only been a week and thanked me for sending his mom’s mother’s day cards. He has liked a post on my FB. He sent so many confusing mixed messages when we were braking up, kissing me telling me he loves me asking me over for sleep overs.
Immediately pump the brakes on everything you’ve currently been doing, and completely go MIA for a bit. The key is to pull back just a little bit, and give your guy the opportunity to really miss you. This pull back technique will not only make him crave you, but it will make him wonder if there’s another guy in your life who has your attention. He will soon realize that he misses having you in his life, and he doesn’t want to run the risk of another guy swooping in to steal you away! It won’t be long before he’s finally making things official with you.
Treat your boyfriend. Find a way to surprise and treat your boyfriend now and then. Prepare his favorite meal, give him a massage, or allow him time to focus on his own hobbies or passions. This will show him how generous and loving you can be. Doing things he enjoys can be a good reminder that your relationship is valuable and he will miss good treatment from you when you are away.
What do you mean exactly by taking a step back? Seeing each other every few weeks already seems like a fairly large step back. How often do you guys talk during the day? Sometimes, talking on the phone or computer is what actually takes up the most time. Before you can figure out how to keep the relationship going, you need to figure out what you mean by taking a step back. Do you mean just talking on the weekends? Or only talking for a maximum of 30 minutes a day? I think that if you do not bother him too much (Which, let’s be honest, happens to just about everyone after a break up) with texts and calls, I think that he will start to miss you. If he is as perfect for you as he says, then he will end up thinking about you just as much or more after the break up. If I were you, I would just tone down the messages and calls. Wait for him to come around, and if he does not, you know that the relationship is over.
One of the most important pieces of relationship advice for women is to have fun with your partner. Being able to joke around, go on adventures, and laugh together as a couple will help you be better able to weather any future storms that may arise. You and your partner should make an effort to go out, bring back date night, travel to exotic places, and try new things as a couple in order to keep the spark alive between the two of you. So instead of sitting on the couch each night binge-watching Netflix, take your relationship out of the house and find new and exciting activities to try.
Me and my ex boyfriend were very happy together he used to treat me like a princess our relation was very passionate and intimate we were together for 10 months but we literally lived a forever in this few months we planned so much together but suddenly he said that he doesn’t like relationships he doesn’t feel for me anymore he needs space I am dependent on him and that’s toxic
I know that what this article writes it’s true. At the same time, do I really want a person with which I have to lie about my true feelings? I am very intense, passionate, and so talk a lot about what so feel and what ai think. I feel hurt of I am not in his priorities, if he never calls me or if he says he is not sure of what he wants. Of course it would be better for the lenght of the relationship stay quiet and wait. But would I feel really fullfilled and loved just tolerating?

When you are in a new relationship, there are some things that you have to keep in mind while going around with your boyfriend. One of the most important new relationship advice I will like to give is not have any expectations from your boyfriend. Do not expect that your boyfriend will be ready for a long time commitment, just after a few days. Try to know each other better and then decide about the future of the relationship. Introducing him to your family and friends is a good idea at this stage to see whether he gels in with everyone. If he has a problem with any of your family members or friends, there are chances that it may affect your relationship with him in the long run, even though you love each other a lot.
The ironic thing about playing hard to get is that it can work, but it’ll work on the wrong kind of guy. If the only reason he’s into you is that you’re hard to catch, what will you do once he’s caught you? You can’t stay in the limbo phase of the relationship forever. If a guy isn’t interested in the authentic you, playing the enigmatic mystery girl will only work for a brief period of time.
Hi, we have been living together for 10months and we both live in Australia, we had such good moments but also we had a lot of fight over stupid things. Then another case that his dad asking him to take over his company in Netherlands. He has been thinking to take it over because he saying that our relationship wasnt going that well. He cant make any decision whether he wants to fully commit in our relationship or let his dad’s company away. So eventually we have been not living together anymore for around 3weeks now. I asked him couple times to try to fix this(last time was 2 days ago) but he keep sayinn that he cant fully commit to me at the moment because he still cant make any decision,otherwise it will just make you even more hurt. Then i stop asking or send him any message. Then now he text some random message like “today i was working with him”, he sent me a pic. I dont know what should i respond? I want to make him misses me and of course i want him back. Should i respond his random message or just ignore it..?

A man will be fascinated at seeing a new side of his partner (or crush) and will give her more attention for this pleasant distraction. Even something as minor as a change in hair color can do wonders. The reason why is NOT just because it’s a superficial change in appearance…but rather because you will feel more confident. You will have a sexy new look and can also try sexy new personality traits to go along with it. Want to be feisty for a change? Want to tease him more? Want to gently push his buttons and get him flustered? A change in appearance or in lifestyle will get his attention quickly.

You know, I could've titled this "Three Signs You Still Love Your Ex." Because love and hate are each an emotion that is very close to the other, if you think about it. I want to go over this today with all of you because there are a lot of you out there that have a lot of anger toward the ex in your life, and for some of you it's affecting a lot of different levels of your life. Read more →


I met my BF six months ago. I thought things were going great. If he needs me to do things for him I do if I can. Usually because of our work schedules we only see each other on the weekends so I am not crowding him. We have never had a bad argument although he has made me mad before I get over things quickly. Then out of the blue he stopped calling and returning my calls. Was he hurt or dead? I drove to his house and knocked. No answer although his truck was there. I left a note but haven’t heard back. It’s been two weeks. I’m very hurt and confused. I feel like I could be okay with giving him space if he had said he needed space. At least then I wouldn’t have to speculate. I had told him I loved him and maybe he freaked out. But I believe if you feel it. Should say it because tomorrow is not promised and I don’t want to regret not saying it. FYI my BF is twice divorced. Maybe that’s why he’s freaked.
The hardest question of all to answer though is this one: ‘why do men pull away after intimacy’? The answer is unclear, but it’s usually tied to a man who realized you weren’t what he craved in the long run. Especially when he becomes distant in this case, it can be difficult to repair what you had. We’re not saying it’s impossible for a guy to overcome his worries about you or the relationship. However, usually, once those doubts become so strong that it makes him pull away and become distant, it’s often too late to salvage something strong and durable.
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Hi, He sounds as if he has a lot of his own insecurities and is deflecting them onto you. He is constantly trying to change you, and tell you that you aren’t enough. You sound to me as if you are not comfortable in being yourself around him. You can’t petend to be someone else to please jom forever, so picture this you are trying to adapt yourself to who he wanrlts and he is still finding flaws. Aren’t you tired already,? he is damaging your self-esteem. There is someone out there , who you may or may not have met, that will adore you flaws and all, bit you have to love yourself enough to know when you are being tolerated , and ” handled”, not loved. This guy you are with, needs you a lot more than you need him, be careful not to allow him to force you to change into someone nobody wants, so thy he can keep you all to himself, while he used you. By that, I mean an insecure, unhappy person that doesn’t feel worthy of anything.
Men are rules by their egos. It is somethng that they cannot seem to help as it is just a part of their makeup. If he thinks that you really want him to be committed, he might do the opposite. Why? Men do not like to be led to think that they have been coerced or led somewhere that they had no intention of going. To get him to commit dont even think about forcing him to. If you have been trying hard to get him to see only you, the best thing is to pause your campaign and just enjoy where you are in the relationship. You have already expressed the desire to commit and if he wants to, no amount of force will get him there. Jut relax and allow him to see the real you and you wont need to bend his arm to be committed to you. The more you make it seem unimportant the more he will want you to want commitment from him.

Hey Mary, I am going through the same thing. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost three years (three years this upcoming May), and he tore my heart into shreds because he’s not “happy” and like you said- doesn’t know who he is anymore. We are on the same boat. If you ever need someone to talk to, just reply and I will give you my email address. Good luck. Xx.


What women are really looking for during the first several dates is if she feels an emotional connection with you. Having meaningful conversations show that you’re truly interested in who she is as a person rather than just wanting to get her into bed. Show her right off the bat that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know her by sharing something about yourself. You will signal to her that you’re willing to be open with her, which allows her the opportunity to let her guard down and reciprocate. Find out if you have any shared interests and values and don’t forget to be a gentlemen on your date by treating her with respect.

So true! You can’t coerce someone to be with you. When a guy wants to be with you they just will. That is what happened with my current boyrfriend. We dated before and he didn’t want a commitment. We broke up and dated other people. We started talking again after many months of being apart, became friends for some time and began spending more time together. It naturally came together well and after time we verbally agreed that we were together and just wanted to be with each other. End of story. It’s very simple.
Thanks, and I am happy you enjoy the articles. It seems as though you gave him too much early on. I know right now it hurts but what I would suggest you do is focus on you and what makes you happy. Push away a little bit because he has to feel as though he is losing you too. Slow the pace of things when he reaches back out and don’t come off too eager for a relationship. The one thing I have to mention here is if he is not ready for a relationship with you then you cannot force this. The best thing you can do is take a step back and let him pursue you.
If you spend all your time apart from him with your phone in your clenched fingers, waiting for it to vibrate with his name, put the phone down. This isn’t ideal for either of you. Of course, you love talking to him, but you have to leave some energy for the rest of your life. Don’t be half-invested in a conversation with your friend because you’ve got one eye on the phone.

Great article . Men deal with emotions differently , they also truly want to be in charge and for this they need to withdraw in order to think . For women its an opportunity to cool down and figure what they truly need from their men . And when he comes back be busy , be sweet ,understanding . Men dont change their mind that easily , the live they have for their women dont fade . Keep calm
My boyfriend for 4 months started calling and texting less as of the second week of January. It is true that he had some successive things happening one after the other which also prevented us for meeting since the new years eve. But despite that I let him know that I wasn’t happy with his careless behaviour. By the third week of January the date of his thesis submission approached and it just got worse. As I got bady ill for 4 days and he didn’t even get briefed because he did not ask how I was although he kept the conversation, I exploded on him and told him aaaalll I felt and went through and how he was absent when I needed him. My message just stayed unread on purpose till the morning and he tried to start a new normal conversation as usual like nothing happened. I was pissed off so I answered short, late, and tough. He stopped talking and by the time I cooled down he was already shut off. I ended up keeping the conversation somehow as he stopped initiating. By the following weekend I was near his area and we were talking so I asked if he feels like going out having some air. He made an excuse and I just headed home. We talked less and less through the following week, by thursday night we had a light chat and I asked how he was, he said that he was very tired and unhappy. As I asked why, is it going bad at work, my message just stayed unread till the morning. It was Friday 9 Feb. And he was quite responsive through the day, so I asked to meet and as he kept making excuses related to work, I just pushed more. So he just stopped responding to my messages and calls. Yes I know I did aaaall kinds of the things to avoid in these situations but I could not help but to see and understand what was happening to him that he had to express his unhappiness. After this incident I just disappeared too until valentine’s day at around 10 pm. I sent a brief apology message for my harsh words and putting the blame on him (when I exploded on him) while he was already having a hard time by himself. I wished him good luck with his upcoming thesis presentation (16 Feb) and wished him that he would never tell anybody again that he is tired and unhappy as he said to me the week before. I got an answer for this message that I was a wonderful girl and very understanding and I have nothing to apologise for and thanks for the good wishes and that I deserve the best and he hopes I will find what I deserve.
They’re overbearing, nagging, and completely disconnected from their man by refusing to acknowledge he has feelings of his own. Women tend to forget that women are generally emotional trains waiting to derail any second. What a self-centered attitude to tell a man to “get over it” whenever they feel mad, hurt, or sad. You are literally commanding him to.. *drum roll*… WITHDRAW!
I was with my GF for almost 6 yrs she’s 21 I’m 23, i was planning on proposing next yr after she graduated college, I’m not in college i work so our time line is a bit off, we’ve both have hurt each other before but we always seemed to patch it up and stuff and i really do feel like i Love her and she’s the one and she’s told me before that she wants to marry me and stuff. Point is she asked for a break up about 2 weeks ago saying they’re was plenty from her party missing and that she can’t have me going 100% and her giving 50% i get it we got to together when she was 16 and i was 18 so we are all we e known, she also is very stressed with school and said she wants to handle her time better and she wants to work on herself and me being in Love I’m hurt i mean i understand but I’m hurt, I’ll admit i haven’t been the best bf but the last couple of yrs I’ve been the absolute best I’m so considerate I’m so nice I’m so focused on her needs but i guess that’s not enough for her to want some space becuase she says she needs to work on herself. I’m trying to do the no contact thing i try i go 2 days and bam i call her i don’t cry but i do tell her that i miss her and she’s says she misses me too but that she stands by the break up and that she wants space. I know i should just give her space maybe to finish out her school and graduate and maybe if she still has love for me after maybe try it again? It just sucks becuase she is my Bestfriend and i do everything with her but i know that she wants to do stuff without me and maybe is just tired of having to answer to somebody which i get and i know i have to work on myself i get it becuase woman want a strong men a guy who doesn’t break when things get down and wants a confident guy which i know i can be better at.
Taking the time out of your day to get some exercise in is a great way to occupy your mind. There are numerous health benefits that come with exercising, whether it's something high-intensity or low-intensity. Going out for a relaxing run or hike can really soothe your aching heart. You can also bring some of your friends with you to make it even more fun and exciting. Having a group of people putting in the work with you can make it much more manageable and make it less boring.
I’ve been seeing a guy for about six months now. Everything in the relationship is great- we get along, we have fun together, we just get each other. The only thing is he won’t commit to me. He said he wasn’t hooking up with anyone else, only me, but he’s not ready to use titles.  I know his last relationship ended badly, so that might be part of it. I just don’t get it, the relationship is so great in every way aside from this.

How you feel with the person you’re with is the best indication of whether you’re with someone who’s compatible or not. How much you want it to work is the worst indicator of a good relationship (in fact, usually the people who tell me how desperately they want something to work are highlighting how incompatible they really are from their partner).
My boyfriend and I dated 4 months and he officially broke up with me yesterday. I begged him to stay but he wouldn’t. And he told me not to text him. Just not yet. He told me to give him some space and that we are never getting back together. The reason we fought was because he mostly makes plan with his friends and he no longer makes plan with me. We texted short texts everynight and we do see each other either at my place or his place once every two or three weeks. I told him that I want to date like other couples like going on dates and stuffs. Because when we first started dating, he took me to many dates and then during the summer, he started working and he got busy. I understand that. But during the weekend, he would spend time with his friends and he would text me and I wasn’t happy with that and I talked to him about it and he got frustrated. My ex always have problem with relationship. Like he is not really into it and before me, he said he would never date. But then when we got to know each other, he told me that he fell for me and that’s why he asked me out. But I feel like he started to change after he started working which was the begining of the summer. I don’t know if it was because he got busier or if he no longer liked me. I asked him and he said he still liked me and he just got busier. But to me, it doesn’t feel like he likes me. We no longer went on dates. He no longer being affectionate towards me. And my ex is like really emotionless. Not that he doesn’t have emotions, he is just trying not to have it. He said having emotion or feeling attached to things or people are hard. I talked to him about spending time too much with his friends and that’s how we broke up. He cried when we broke up. Is there a chance we would get back together? I really don’t know what’s going on anymore.
If you lay everything out on a silver platter for your guy, he will not feel the urge to ask you to be in a relationship. When it comes to committing, men are more likely to lock you down if they are intrigued by you. To do this, you need to be more mysterious. This means, don’t tell him everything right away. You need to learn how to hold back, and share bits and pieces of yourself slowly to keep him interested.
Well, Eric Charles is the guy and he promotes the masculine behavior. For God sake, women, our message is clear what we want in a relationship. I am tired that we are always trying to please those guys and etc. The reality is that guys behave as they want and we need to adjust to their particular needs. All those articles say that we need to understand their mindset and how they function so that we could finally find a happy relationship. We basically have to play games. Men are really complicated. Women are very simple. If they want something they say. shhh!!! watch out!! If you say this, the poor guy will be frightened. He does not want to commit. Do not make love with him because he will get what he wants and again he will not want to commit. Jesus! Then, why they do not try to understand how women function and to adjust. Most men are absolutely idiots when it comes to the relationship. We women can give some classes to our sons so that at least new men generation would be more aware of the subject which is “women”.
Men who do this have an avoidant attachment style. Read ‘Attached’ by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller and ‘avoidant, bad boyfriends’ by Jeb Kinnison. After reading these I realised that I had been unhappily married for over twenty years to an avoidant man who ultimately cheated on me and left me. I’ve since met a man with a secure attachment style and the difference is night and day. DO NOT MARRY a man with an avoidant attachment style you will be miserable.
Instead of trying to fix it and reel him back, forgive yourself for being needy, acknowledge that it’s OK and everything will be fine, and give him some space to come to you. Don’t inundate him with texts or snap chats or G-chats or anything. Just let it be and give him the space to find his way back to you. And in that time, enjoy your life and find ways to be happy. Do not spend this time obsessing over him and wondering if you ruined this relationship forever. Be confident in yourself and try to internalize the fact that you deserve an amazing relationship and with the right person it will happen freely and won’t need to be forced.

Do you have a source or study for this statistic? Anecdoctal evidence or observations shouldn't be cited as evidence by a psychology publication. I'm a nursing student and I've visited a nursing home. I found the proportion of male to female residents roughly equal. Perhaps, there are more women, because women live on average six to eight years longer than men. In addition, older men have a higher suicide rate. These factors could explain the higher numbers of women in some nursing homes. I find this statement sexist, and offensive to MEN. I believe that men have emotions and are capable of love and attachment, just like women. I also believe that most men have integrity, and strength of character. This is the exact sort of thing that encourages stereotype, hostiity between the genders, and anti-male discrimination. The professor you quoted is obviously unscientific and a misogynist. You should be ashamed of yourself for quoting him. I will be writing a complaint to psychology today, and starting a petition about this. Thanks.
Treat your boyfriend. Find a way to surprise and treat your boyfriend now and then. Prepare his favorite meal, give him a massage, or allow him time to focus on his own hobbies or passions. This will show him how generous and loving you can be. Doing things he enjoys can be a good reminder that your relationship is valuable and he will miss good treatment from you when you are away.
This is important for you and for him.    Your body and mind are reflections of your well-being so devote time and money to your self-care.  Your man is attached to you both emotionally and physically, so it is worth maintaining both your outward appearance and your mental health by paying attention to their good working state.  Don’t let yourself go.  Eat healthfully and incorporate physical movement into your day.  Take time to practice activities that nourish your spirit and challenge your mind.
It sounds like it is the only reason. He started to have feelings for you, was unwilling to have a serious relationship again and he probably wanted to avoid leading you on any more than he had. While you had a lot in common and he was a wonderful partner, he is not in a place right now in his life to be serious about anyone. It looks like it was just bad luck that you started dating him so soon after his last relationship. All you can do right now is hope that he ends up missing you and deciding that he can have a committed relationship after all. Since that type of healing takes time, you should probably focus on moving on for now and getting over the relationship–it could be months or even years before he really feels ready for another committed relationship. Good luck!
Plan some sort of trip or vacation so you’re not at home being sad. Ten years ago, I went through a pretty rough breakup of a 2-year relationship. Rather than staying home and feeling sorry for myself, the first thing I did was book a trip to visit my brother in Washington DC. It was great because, while sure, he and I talked a little about the breakup, I was distracted just enjoying my bro time.
Hi Ray! Thank you very much for the male perspective. I am dating a man who is 11 years older, I’m 26 and he is 37. He works out in the ocean and a lot of times we have minimal conversation via text/call. But when we are together everything is great and we get along very well. When he doesn’t have to wake in the wee ours or work out of town, he is with me every single weekend. We have been together six months and I have met all his close friends and friends kids. I have done well so far in respecting his space. When he’s a weekend with his guy friends, I am understanding and just ask him to contact me once when he is back in town so he feels he is not missing out on what he loves. However, this past weekend he had a sailboat race on the weekend which he let me know in advance and we had plans for friday night. He reached out friday night saying that turns out he had to be at the venue in the wee hours so he would not be able to make our plans. I was emotionally unstable that weekend due to some work stress and family leaving so I needed him the most that friday. I did not think of my actions and instead of politely rescheduling for Monday, I blew him up – sent him various texts showing how I did not appreciate he canceled although it wasn’t his fault. I called numerous times in the weekend and texted many times while he was supposed to have time with his friends in the tournament. On Sunday I was so desperate that I passed by his house. His roomate was there and told me he hand’t come home yet. Since I blew him up friday, I have had no response to any of my texts nor has he answered any of my calls. I am very afraid that I scared him away and threatened his freedom. I also came out as desperate for going to his place. Today is Wednesday and I hadn’t reached out till Sunday. I sent him a very short/casual text apologizing for taking out my stress on him and for not letting him have his space, to which I got no response. I am going to wait a few days and hopefully he will come around, as our relationship has matured and he’s told me how much he cares for me. Did I blow this up completely since it has been 4 days with no response?
Men do enjoy being in relationships (when it’s with the right woman, that is), but at the same time, most men have a huge fear of losing their freedom and getting trapped in a situation with a woman who sucks them dry and leaves them feeling drained and uninspired. A man will feel “free” in a relationship when he’s with a woman who is whole and fulfilled in her life and doesn’t rely on the relationship to meet her every need.
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