Tell him “Look you’re the one who broke up with me” state how you feel about it. “I’m not texting you because you msde it clesr you don’t want this relationship” wait for his response. If you do want him back in your life then let him be the first to say he wants you back. And if there is enough signs he does and you do want him, then tell him. If not tell him its making you uncomfortable
Trust your instincts from the very first contact with a potential boyfriend.  Did he get a little too drunk on your initial dates?  A man who can’t get through the early stages of a relationship without using alcohol may have substance abuse issues.  Is he perpetually late, always offering bogus excuses?  He doesn’t value your time so don’t expect him to suddenly be punctual when you need him to be somewhere important.  Do you get a sense he is hiding something when he finds reasons why you can never come to his place?  Key into your visceral responses when you pick up vibes that don’t sit right with you.  Don’t make the mistake so many women make, thinking that all these negative behaviors will change once he falls in love with you.  They won’t.  They may even get worse.

Trust me, your friends, your co-workers, your lab partner, your neighbor, and your barista at Starbucks are all sick and tired of hearing about this guy. And deep down inside, you’re probably a little bit tired of talking about him, too. When you focus so much of your attention on one person, you can slowly drive yourself insane. You’ll be constantly thinking about him, replaying your last conversation over and over again in your mind, wondering what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with, and wondering if he’s thinking about you at that exact moment. It’s not healthy, and it definitely won’t get you any closer to being in a relationship.
Hey Mary, I am going through the same thing. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost three years (three years this upcoming May), and he tore my heart into shreds because he’s not “happy” and like you said- doesn’t know who he is anymore. We are on the same boat. If you ever need someone to talk to, just reply and I will give you my email address. Good luck. Xx.

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We had an amazing relationship, wow amazing.. we connected in ways that no one could understand. When we first met our priorities weren’t so crazy.. I met him after a tragic tragic thing happened with his father… and I met him a month after… we connected right off the bat. Throughout the months we were getting to know each other he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said yes, he’s nothing like anyone I’ve ever known. Respectful, playful, honest, everything you could possibly ask for.. through the months we were dating there was no arguments, nothing, of course little things we got like upset about, but we easily talked about it and knew that it was nothing to break us, it was never serious with us to that extent ever. Now our priorities are more serious with life, we are both 20 and very Mature. Full time jobs but We both take care of the things we need to but we always made sure we made time for each other. we both don’t have social media nothing, which was why our relationship worked soooo great… His job is very busy and I randomly asked him(which I now regret) if being in a relationship was too much for him and he said sometimes yes, very randomly… and I’m still confused.. he said it’s not me, it’s him. That he needs to focus on himself and to take care of his family (he has no children) but of course his mother and sibling..and basically broke it off.. Its been a week…and I’m hurting “if we aren’t meant to be I’ll find my way back to you…” still can’t With that…
I also want to add that this isn’t the only reason a man will lose interest, it’s just the most common and most misunderstood one. The problem is most people don’t accurately define what the problem is. It gets written off as the woman being too available and not making him chase her. That is not really what’s at play here. Being available isn’t the issue, the issue is really not being present. It’s an issue that comes from seeking validation through a relationship rather than in your life.
Thank you for reading this article and I am glad you found it interesting. There are several reasons why a man pulls away and stops contact suddenly without giving you any explanation. The important thing now, is for you to take time and reflect on this relationship. This time is for your personal growth and to rebuild your confidence. You are on the right path by working on your self and learning that you deserve so much more. I know that you truly care for him, because as you stated you have allowed him into your life several times. Keep busy and focus on what you need and try something new. I am not sure if you will ever understand why he became all talk and no action. Take this experience and grow from it so that you can have the healthy relationship you so deserve.
High levels of stress can do many things including destroy relationships.  If the stress of commitment is getting to him you may find him pulling away until it clears.  If you chase after him in you could find the result is that you have pushed him clear out of your life.  Give him space and time to think.  Be available but create that mystique that found him seeking you out in the first place. i.e Just be You
He knows I hate when he ignores me and sometimes I feel he does it purposely. It will only be a few hours so I know I’m also being irrational but during those times I completely get beside myself thinking he’s with the woman he slept with. Last night I went to his house and he basically kicked me out at 2am bc he was doing paperwork (taxes). He called me crackw%^*# and a liar, I’m not even sure why he would call me such filth and told me I’m too independent and I need to learn to be more submissive. Instead of arguing I should be making him dinner and cleaning his house. Other times he adores and worships the ground I walk on. This all started when I wouldn’t move in to his house bc I felt if he truly wanted to live together we could move into another house together. Plus he absolutely hates my dog, my apartment and basically everything I do. I ask him why he’s even with me if I have according to him so many “hang ups”. Advice please.
Use social media to highlight the fun you’re having independently. Start to post pictures and status updates about how much fun you’re having doing things on your own. This works very well when trying to get an ex to miss you. Show how much you’re enjoying life on your own, and your guy will be begging to hang out with you because he misses you so much.
I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 weeks or so. Yes, early days I know, but we have passed a lot of these things. I’ve met his brother, his casual friends and a lot of his close friends. Natural since we’ve known each other for 8 years really. Anyway I feel like I’ve ruined something great. We try and have a date a week, very casual ones though, we feel good around each other, talk is easy, we support each other, have some similar interests and hobbies, and the sex is great. It was only how one date night he was sick and I organised an easy night at his where I would bring over dinner, watch a movie and just hang out. He told me he wasn’t up to it and wanted some alone time. I get that. I have those days too. I also get that plans come up and that if there is a friend you can only see once in a blue moon then you take it. But, does it have to be the same night? Do I have to find out through a third person that he went to a party while sick on the night he wanted to be alone? Now in past relationships I’ve done the bad thing, let these things slide, hurt me and reward them for it; but I didn’t want to do that. I messaged him today – not trusting my voice – with something along the lines of ‘since you believe in honesty is the best policy, next time tell me alone time just means time with anyone but me.’ I told him I’ve been in that type of relationship before and I was really hurt by it. He said he understood and it was inconsiderate before slipping in the whole thing of ‘personally, i’m not looking for a serious relationship right now.’. Ok, I get that. Just shy of two months dating (even though we’ve known each other for 8 years) and we are young! We are only 22. I agreed with him but he also knows that down the line those feelings on my end might change. I also said that if they change for him to let me know since I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want him to be either. I’ve been in the whole one sided relationship before and the guy really hurt me in that situation. I feel like I’ve ruined it by telling him how I feel since he just slipped in that line and it just felt like another blow. I like this guy, I could see a potential relationship in the future but I’m just scared that even though I said I don’t want a label that he thinks that since i added that months down the line that could change. When that time comes I’m just wondering how to reach him to move from just casual dating to a proper relationship.
Show him that being with you is a fun, positive experience. When he sees that you didn’t let your emotions overrun you and senses that you didn’t place such a high importance on his actions, he’ll be motivated to stay close and connected with you. He’ll recognize that he’s with a woman who respects his needs while taking care of her own feelings. And he’ll appreciate that you didn’t blame or criticize him.

This lack of communication is the perfect example for why feelings get hurt. He’s a bit insensitive for not letting you know that he doesn’t want anything serious at this time. However, it could be argued that it is none of your business what he is up to. Some may even brand you as deluded for thinking that men want long term relationships at your age. However, research tells us this is anything but the case. Men do want relationships, and are not commitment phobes.
When a relationship is fresh and new, everything is exciting- especially when the two of you hit the sheets. You go at it like wild animals and since you haven’t been doing it often, everything is new and intriguing. However, as the relationship continues, sometimes that sexual spark flares out and the two of you are stuck in a sexual rut. And men, being extra sexual by nature, may pull away if they’ve lost the spark that can’t be lit up again.
My ex (5 month relationship) broke up with me two months ago and a week later went straight to a rebound relationship. He text me out of the blue and asked me how I was and then said we should go get food. He also said that he wants to just be friends. So my question is, why the heck is he texting me to go get food when he is still dating his “rebound”?! I still have feelings for him and he knows that. Hence the reason he told me he just wants to be friends. Everybody knows you can’t be “just friends” with a guy you still have feelings for. I feel like he is playing games with me and going to get food is only going to hurt me more….knowing he doesn’t want to date me. What should I do? Not go? Or TRY to be “Just Friends”??

It's easy to let parts of yourself go when you meet someone you think is the partner of your dreams. But don't. "Trying to be someone you're not is so transparent," Kelman says. If you'd rather go to the gynecologist than watch football or hit an art museum, don't pretend to love the Steelers or understand abstract art just because the person you're seeing is a fan.
Without literally telling him verbally, give your man a few good reasons why he shhould commit. Ensure that you are the type of woman that he wants before you think about a committment. Evaluate the relationship and see if you are both happy and willing to take it a few steps further. Be what he wants without forcing yourself to; be his happy place, his pillar of support. Contrary to what many people think, being able to wash, cook and clean are not the basic foundations of what makes a man happy and lean towards commitment. If you are seen as a great companion who he has to lean on at the end of his day, forcing him to commit will never be an option.
Relax and just enjoy the time you do have together. Don’t obsessed about this. If he doesn’t seem to want to spend time with you, find something else do that you like to do. Make plans with yourself and stick to them. Don’t chase any man except the ice cream man. He might be going through some things he’s not ready to share. Or, he might just be stringing you along. You don’t know. But, there’s no reason to worry about anything unless you know there’s something to worry about. There are plenty of things you could be doing to make yourself happy and keep busy (in a good, happy, productive way) even if you are dead ass broke. Keep yourself entertained. If nothing else, if this guy isn’t ready to be a grown up yet, if you are doing something you love, you will meet other people that have the same interests that you do. You might not meet prince charming, but you will meet some good friends that have the same interests that you do. And remember: you don’t have to be soulmates with someone to go see a movie or have coffee. I’m about a hair away from aetheist, and I have friends all across the board. You don’t have to have everything in common with a person to be friends, or be friendly or just hang out. Wish you the best of luck with your dude and everything else. Big hugs.
Want to know the quickest way to get your guy to commit? Hint about your ex popping back into your life, and watch your guy squirm! Even if you blocked your ex from your phone five years ago, you can still casually mention his name if you want to ruffle your guy’s feathers a bit. Simply tell him your ex has been emailing you and hinting at getting back together. Adding a little bit of competition to this dating game definitely won’t hurt!
It’s easier to do charming gestures for a guy when you’re actively in a relationship with him. Making him coffee before he wakes up for work or secretly sliding a note in his lunch are endearing acts of kindness. Once you know a man well, it’s not as challenging to think up these moves. You know what he would find most adorable and you can use that your advantage.

Schedule a girls night out with your friends. Leave your man home by himself. Give him a hug and kiss, and then say “see you later.” Make him miss you — and show him that you’re not in a codependent relationship with him — that you have a social life, too. If he wants space, then give him space, while have a fun time with your friends outside of your relationship. When a man pulls away after being in a LTR for a while, sometimes it means he feels trapped or suffocated or obligated to you, or that he’s losing his freedom or sense of self because you’re now “all coupling all the time.” Immersing himself in work is a way for him to pull away from this codependence and gain a sense of self and independence. If you’re really worried, do an evaluation of your relationship — are you getting too clingy, needy, or do you want to do things with him 24/7 … are you having a codependent relationship? Is that the reason why your guy is pulling away? Sometimes, the issue may not just be his, but also yours.


Adam, amazing video, I am impressed! Please keep up the good work! I am a single woman and I have responded to a handsome man’s flirts after like 2 months of him making it more obvious…I have put the breaks on from the beginning and to my surprise he kept insisting and making it more obvious! Here is the catch: I have rewarded him by teasing him a bit and introducing myself and being bold a little bit, bc I wanted him to get a reward and to know what he’s been doing is what I like…however, once I got to feel a bit “more comfortable” and start making small conversations here and there ( every 2 weeks or so, when we run into each other), he now started to pull away slightly, and I didn’t do ANYTHING about it, literally, just being myself, feminine, relaxed, NOT bothered by his pulling away…NOW, this guy didn’t even ask me out, but his face lightened up, he couldn’t stop smiling, it was in his eyes, face, everywhere, of course I noticed how much he liked me…I am a bit confused now, bc he worked hard ( 2 months) to get my attention and get a reward ( me teasing him, introducing myself, giving him a sign that I like him too) to only create a bit of distance once I feel more comfortable! Given that we never went out ( he didn’t ask for a ph number or anything) what should I do? We run into each other when I get off gym and he is at work! Last night I had seen him squeezing his head after me when I passed by (at his work place) and he seemed to careless about him being at work and have his employees seeing him doing that squeezing head after a woman but care far more FOR ME NOT TO SEE HIM squeezing his head to check me out! What happens? he made it plain obvious BEFORE for 2mo, now he seems to create distance but checks me out secretly ( or so he thinks :)). Should I say something given taht he didn’t even make a move on me, or should I allow his teh space he seems to want? I want to give this man a real chance, I liked his persistence :).

This lack of communication is the perfect example for why feelings get hurt. He’s a bit insensitive for not letting you know that he doesn’t want anything serious at this time. However, it could be argued that it is none of your business what he is up to. Some may even brand you as deluded for thinking that men want long term relationships at your age. However, research tells us this is anything but the case. Men do want relationships, and are not commitment phobes.
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So me and my boyfriend live together for about a year now. We were dating for almost 3 years. He broke up with me few days ago. I’m still at his house. We haven’t talked at all but when he gets home and lays down with me in bed. He hugs me so hard and doesn’t let go until he falls asleep. That’s all we been doing after we broke up. What does it mean? Reason we broke up is because he claims he isn’t happy and that he doesn’t know who he is anymore
3. Forgiveness. The majority of young and middle-age men I have interviewed say that forgiveness is "huge" to them, and that grudges are wedges in their relationships. When these issues arise, they're ready to have the "relationship talk." Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky of the University of California, Riverside has written of the importance of the forgiveness factor in relationships.

“It’s natural for him to drift away sometimes. That’s because most men are afraid of becoming vulnerable.” – That’s not the main issue here at all. I’ll put this as simply as I can – a man’s purpose in life is to kick ass. Maintaining a relationship is very different from kicking ass – it often involves the exact opposite kind of thinking and behavior. If a man spends all of his time and energy on a relationship, there’s no time and energy left to kick ass. How do you feel when you have insufficient time in your life to live true to your purpose? Men do have to face the same vulnerability issues everyone does, but that’s a different problem where the man fears something could be be taken away from him. In the common case, where the man likes the relationship but withdraws anyway, what actively hurts is that he can’t give himself what he needs. It’s not a fear of a future loss that’s hurting him – it’s the active presence of a loss in his life right now.


Kind of like if you are on diet: you feel deprived of something you love and enjoy. If you are staring at a piece of cake and know you can’t have it, you want it more than if you can freely eat all the cake you want. It’s an even stronger force when you’ve broken up with someone who wants to stay together with you… because the lack of cake is a self-imposed restriction, whereas someone breaking up with you when you do not want them to is not self-imposed. So if you broke up with him and he did not want you to… this is an advantage.
I have been dating a very successful professional, who also does a lot of additional work in non-profit and education. We went on 7 dates over 8 weeks, and he was always romantic and generous on these dates ie. expensive restaurants, shows, serenading me on his guitar, flowers, telling me he was in love with me and addicted to me, flirty texts… After the 5th date, I noticed that he messaged me less frequently and sometimes took days to respond. He mentioned that he was going through some stressful family stuff, and I assumed that it was related to a family illness. On our 7th date, he told me that his parent had collapsed a few days before and was in hospital from an illness that was related to addiction. He told me that he was extremely stressed because it was bringing up old issues for him, and he warned me that when he is stressed, he pulls away from everyone and needs time and space alone. A week before Christmas, he told me that his father had been admitted into a clinic and that he was concerned that his father would not commit to the program. He was sick with the flu and would sometimes message me just before midnight to say hello and that he had just gotten off work. He did not ask to see me, but he was taking time to see his friends. I messaged him now-and-then with appreciative texts, to which he responded positively, but then would not continue the conversation. By the fourth week of not seeing him, I was at the end of my rope, and I messaged him that I understood that he was going through a lot and that he was also busy with work, but that I would like to meet him to catch up because our communication was not what it used to be, and it had been 4 weeks since we had seen each other. He replied that he was aware that he was pulling away, and that he needed some more time to himself as he was struggling to find grounding. He told me that the family issues were still ongoing and causing a lot of stress. I said he would love to see me in the future but that right now he needed time alone. He told me that he understood if that was unacceptable to me, but that he hoped that I would wait for him and give him a little more time. I replied that I had been hurt and confused over the holidays because we did not see each other, but that I understood he needed space and time. I appreciated that he gave me some clarity and I would like for us to communicate better. I told him that I respected, cared for him and wished him happiness. Since our last text conversation 2 weeks ago, neither of us have reached out to one another. I’m finding it really hard to not see or talk to him, but from what I have read in relationship articles including this one about giving a man space when he is pulling away from stress, it is the best course of action. Some days I am so busy myself that I don’t really have time to think about him, but when I do, I become quite depressed. Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated…

Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to have to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing. Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.
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