So my ex girlfriend broke up with me and she was in a new relationship about a week after she wanted to meet for vacation. She posted on Facebook the new relationship they exchanged I love yous on there so they must of had some friendship before. I was last out to visit long distance relationship in May and then June. June started out I love you first few days then ended up giving ring back after we were both a distant from each other. She grabbed my leg rubbed back of neck on drive to airport so she Was struggling with it or testing me. She contacted me a few times after saying she missed me was a mistake to let me go or she did it so I didn’t have to leave my family. Then 3 days after she wanted to vacation together, she said forget it, was emotional pms and little hung over. Then 7 days later new post on new bf.
Everyone has their own opinions of what should and shouldn't be done in a relationship, but not everyone can afford professional counselling to solve their relationship issues and rely on sorting it out themselves. The only issue here is that everyone is worried about reaching out to their families and friends for support on their issues, and they tend to not get them resolved resulting in the relationship ending.

Hi, He sounds as if he has a lot of his own insecurities and is deflecting them onto you. He is constantly trying to change you, and tell you that you aren’t enough. You sound to me as if you are not comfortable in being yourself around him. You can’t petend to be someone else to please jom forever, so picture this you are trying to adapt yourself to who he wanrlts and he is still finding flaws. Aren’t you tired already,? he is damaging your self-esteem. There is someone out there , who you may or may not have met, that will adore you flaws and all, bit you have to love yourself enough to know when you are being tolerated , and ” handled”, not loved. This guy you are with, needs you a lot more than you need him, be careful not to allow him to force you to change into someone nobody wants, so thy he can keep you all to himself, while he used you. By that, I mean an insecure, unhappy person that doesn’t feel worthy of anything.
Perform mental health check-ins from time to time:  Does being with him make you happy or do come away from your dates feeling troubled or angry?  Do you feel lifted up when you think of him?  Is he respectful of you, your work and your passions or does he denigrate them?  Most importantly, does he find value in you and what you contribute to his life?  Do you find value in him and what he contributes to yours?
I didn’t realize it then, but I don’t think I should’ve jumped back into the relationship so quickly. Because very soon afterwards, I started to fall into another slump after I lost two jobs within two months. I was stressed again, and started to feel depressed without realizing how much I put on his shoulders. He never complained. He was there for me. I feel like I took it for granted a little bit.
Do not say yes every time he asks you out Saying sorry, I’m busy, to every third or fourth date guarantees to keep him interested and challenged to win you over. If he asks you why you are busy keep it vague saying you already had plans for that night. Then suggest the following evening. That is all he needs to know. He will wonder if there is another man in the picture and that will set off his hunter instincts. This will drive him mad with desire trying to figure out where you are and who you are with.
Hi Ray! Thank you very much for the male perspective. I am dating a man who is 11 years older, I’m 26 and he is 37. He works out in the ocean and a lot of times we have minimal conversation via text/call. But when we are together everything is great and we get along very well. When he doesn’t have to wake in the wee ours or work out of town, he is with me every single weekend. We have been together six months and I have met all his close friends and friends kids. I have done well so far in respecting his space. When he’s a weekend with his guy friends, I am understanding and just ask him to contact me once when he is back in town so he feels he is not missing out on what he loves. However, this past weekend he had a sailboat race on the weekend which he let me know in advance and we had plans for friday night. He reached out friday night saying that turns out he had to be at the venue in the wee hours so he would not be able to make our plans. I was emotionally unstable that weekend due to some work stress and family leaving so I needed him the most that friday. I did not think of my actions and instead of politely rescheduling for Monday, I blew him up – sent him various texts showing how I did not appreciate he canceled although it wasn’t his fault. I called numerous times in the weekend and texted many times while he was supposed to have time with his friends in the tournament. On Sunday I was so desperate that I passed by his house. His roomate was there and told me he hand’t come home yet. Since I blew him up friday, I have had no response to any of my texts nor has he answered any of my calls. I am very afraid that I scared him away and threatened his freedom. I also came out as desperate for going to his place. Today is Wednesday and I hadn’t reached out till Sunday. I sent him a very short/casual text apologizing for taking out my stress on him and for not letting him have his space, to which I got no response. I am going to wait a few days and hopefully he will come around, as our relationship has matured and he’s told me how much he cares for me. Did I blow this up completely since it has been 4 days with no response?

My ex went through depression for 10 years because his ex left him. They were only together for 6 months. We were together for 2.5 years. Had a lot of problems towards the end and pretty much dragged it out for a lot longer than we should’ve, but I didn’t think we would end things because he always talked about wanting to be with me and never gave any hint that he wanted to end things. Then out of nowhere he completely cut me out of his life. Blocked me on everything. Didn’t even break up with me. I reached out to him and demanded answers and he told me that he hated me and he never wanted to talk to me again. I have no idea what’s going on and I probably never will. It’s been almost a month and I haven’t heard from him except for one email about getting some of his stuff back. I think maybe it is possible to hate your ex because I’m pretty damn sure he hates me. He was never a good communicator and he bottled everything up. It seems as though he tried to make the relationship work for so long until his feelings went away and he couldn’t stand it any longer. He never actually said this though. He just acted on it without saying a word.
I tried to ask him why and fix things but it got worse everytime I tried and when we were on the ph he ignored me the calls were silent and when I did say something he ignored me :( we used to be close we were friends on snapchat he chose to ignore me but still watched my mystory and it went on like that 4 weeks till I got upset and blocked him on my snapchat but still have him on Skype and his # we even would mail each other presents for holidays I fear he may have moved on and doesn’t like me anymore
I have been trying to go no contact for quite some time now but I fail every now and then. I have deleted him from Facebook, I have deleted his contact information, I have even deleted Facebook so that I wouldn’t be tempted but somehow I found ways to reach him. I miss him terribly and he told me he needed time and space to focus on himself and we would reassess in a few months. I refuse for this relationship to be over and I feel like I haven’t moved on a tiny bit since we broke up 6 months ago. I have decided to start working out, move apartments, plan a big trip… but somehow the only person I really want to share my stories with is him. I am flying through Vancouver (where he now lives) in August and I thought I would text him for a quick coffee at the airport. I hope he will want to see me, I really do. I need some sort of closure and if not, a way to reconnect.
As humans, we value things we need to work for, and if something we work for suddenly gets pulled away, it drives us crazy. So while he might have thought he could coast along, texting you to get together whenever it was convenient for him, you’ve made it clear that you value yourself more than that. He will need to work hard to be in your world…and your cool and collected response makes him want to.
If you’re like most women, when that special someone calls or sends a text, you want to respond back immediately, especially if you’ve been waiting to hear from him for a while. If you make him wait too long, maybe he’ll lose interest though, or is that just what you think? But that is definitely not the case. Responding to his contact right away sends the message that you are just sitting by your phone waiting for him to reach out. Men love a chase so you can't make it all too easy for him. A good rule of thumb is to make him wait twice as long as it took for him to respond to you last. These little games may be silly but they work and it will make him think about you and miss you. Patience will help you when it comes to texting and calling.
My advice to you is: if you are not contented with your status quo, then leave, and learn to genuinely love yourself first. Do you honestly want a man who would continue to get the benefits of a committed relationship but does not want a committed relationship with you? If so then carry on but trust me that leads to despair. Leaving him and loving yourself first will benefit the both of you in the long run.
This one is tough, but assuming you have mastered listening skills you can certainly do this. We need support, friendly advice and someone who will understand us. When he has a problem, don’t start telling him what he should have done or telling him he is the one to be blamed. Listen, cheer him up a bit and just be there for him. Next time when he has a problem or is sad, he will look for you to help him go through that.
i miss my boyfriend , we are in highschool and usually we txt throughout the day , its just rlly nice . rn it is winter break and not only that he broke his phone , sooo rn i have to deal with missing him . there are times that i miss him incredibly much but in a way i also am "thankful" that we cant talk bc that teaches me to be more independent ( which i am use to losing when i am in a relationship ) . its a bitter sweet kinda thing .
If you want this guy to be your boyfriend, you have to make him think that being in a relationship was all his idea. So remove all the pressure and stop stressing him out with your constant talks about being committed to each other. Soon enough, being with you will be the only thing on his mind, and he won’t even hesitant letting you know that he’s ready for a relationship.
Wow, I really liked some of your advice. I know most of that, but I really needed to hear it again. I'm not doing a great job at being unattached and being independent. lol. I put drinking glasses around the house over our bugs to let him kill them when he gets home. lol. I guess I should suck it up and pick them up and not be such a needy baby about that. Heck, I've done it before. Just not my favorite chore. Thanks for the encouragement!
"Regardless of what you've heard, realize that guys can indeed be 'just friends' with other girls. Some women can get really jealous for no reason. Some think there's no such thing as a platonic relationship with another girleither one or the other of you wants to hook up. It's important for them to know that those relationships can and do exist with the opposite sex. Don't drive yourself crazy over them." KC I.

Getting a guy to commit isn’t that hard at all. You just need to know what you want and be bold enough to go after it. Some studies say that the word ’want’ is one of the most powerful words on the planet. And if you have been wondering what makes a man commit, then wonder no more.; just find little ways to make him 'want' you. Turn this demanding word into something sexy and use it to your advantage. Tell him what you want and when you want it. But don’t make it sound like you are a spoiled brat or like you are being bossy. Just make sure you give out the vibe of a confident woman whose views and wishes can’t be shaken just because you’re in love. Men like to rule but they love a woman who knows when to take control; he will love that, for sure.
Mr. Right will contact you. After making him wait, you can engage him in a conversation. But remember you must always be the first one to end the contact. Make sure you’re the one to hang up the phone or the one who sends the goodbye or good night text. The goal is to keep him wanting more. If you play hard to get, his desire for you will grow, and he won’t be able to get you off his mind. You’ll have him aching for you more and more. This is especially hard because when he’s being responsive you want to keep the conversation going but it’s really best to stay strong and end the conversation. He’ll be more willing to connect with you again shortly and you’ll have another chance at getting to know him. If you end the conversation first he’s also more likely be the one reaching out to you next.
I m in a long distance relationship, my bf is in italy, I m in Iran , we saw eachother in october , he wanted to come with me to iran but he got so busy for work that everyday from 9 am to 9 pm he should work, He will be busy till september and we can t see eachother till then or even later, I miss him so much , so much i can t describe, I cant do my routines well anymore , i daydream all the time, and I m so desperate, so hopeless, I can t go see him sooner cause the money problems, I feel terrible , so hopeless I dont know when we can even meet again , although he tells me that we meet soon, i dont know even when. We had the best time together so many laughs so many hugs so many sweet moments, god this is killing me.
I want to start off by saying thank you for adding a guys input Eric! My question is how do know if your inspiring him to be his best self and inspire him in his lifes mission if you dont know what that is? The guy im kind of seeing has only initiated deep conversation once and it was to ask what i thought about us. Am i supposed to ask him out right or am i supposed to try and figure it out all on my own?

I have broken up with my boyfriend since two months now,but then since he is not even texting or trying to approach. After we broke I remember after few days he called me up but I disconnected the call saying I don’t know whose speaking. Later this week mistakenly I made a call the next day he reverted me but then again I didnt answered him..what should I understand from this.i don’t know what he is upto…If he misses me? Or no
My advice to you is: if you are not contented with your status quo, then leave, and learn to genuinely love yourself first. Do you honestly want a man who would continue to get the benefits of a committed relationship but does not want a committed relationship with you? If so then carry on but trust me that leads to despair. Leaving him and loving yourself first will benefit the both of you in the long run.

Some women have the right idea. They take off for a weekend with the girls and give the boyfriend back home the gift of missing her. But then they make the mistake of being too available to the guy, with long phone calls, detailed text messages, video conferencing and the like. A woman like this may actually put her girl pals on the back burner just to please her man who “misses her.”


Use social media to highlight the fun you’re having independently. Start to post pictures and status updates about how much fun you’re having doing things on your own. This works very well when trying to get an ex to miss you. Show how much you’re enjoying life on your own, and your guy will be begging to hang out with you because he misses you so much.
This is important for you and for him.    Your body and mind are reflections of your well-being so devote time and money to your self-care.  Your man is attached to you both emotionally and physically, so it is worth maintaining both your outward appearance and your mental health by paying attention to their good working state.  Don’t let yourself go.  Eat healthfully and incorporate physical movement into your day.  Take time to practice activities that nourish your spirit and challenge your mind.

Leave him alone. I’ve been there believe me. It hurts and sometimes you can’t help yourself but you need to let go. You deserve a man that wants to be with you. Don’t force it. Do things that make you happy. Something new. Run a marathon, take a self defence course or do something you always wanted to do. You will find a perfectly good man that loves and wants to be with you when you least expect it.
Sometimes you can use social media to your advantage. One of the best ways to make a man miss you is by being independent. Let Mr. Right see this new, independent you via social media. Are you taking a cooking class or finally checking skydiving off your bucket list? Make sure you share it with your friends and that special someone. Do not fabricate elaborate, fake posts. Be you, be fun, and be authentic. He will want to be by your side for every new adventure. Guys want to make sure you have a life outside of him and what better way to show him this than by sharing your adventures with him, indirectly. If you’re on your phone constantly sending him images of all the fun you’re having it’s not going to be at all effective. Usually, when you’re having fun with your friends sending the guy in your life images isn’t something that should interest you because you’re busy doing you. So use your social media to update everyone of the fun you’re having and this will drive him crazy.
What is your advice with my next step? I’ve given myself a week away from him because of exams anyway and time to gather my thoughts. Should I bother bringing it up again, should I stop sleeping with him or should I keep sleeping with him in the hope that he will give me what I want eventually? I guess where I’m confused is that if I stop sleeping with him… he may see me as needy and full on considering it’s only 3 months in. But at the same time I don’t want to keep sleeping with him if it is just going to hurt me and he will never give me what I want.

My boyfriend for 4 months started calling and texting less as of the second week of January. It is true that he had some successive things happening one after the other which also prevented us for meeting since the new years eve. But despite that I let him know that I wasn’t happy with his careless behaviour. By the third week of January the date of his thesis submission approached and it just got worse. As I got bady ill for 4 days and he didn’t even get briefed because he did not ask how I was although he kept the conversation, I exploded on him and told him aaaalll I felt and went through and how he was absent when I needed him. My message just stayed unread on purpose till the morning and he tried to start a new normal conversation as usual like nothing happened. I was pissed off so I answered short, late, and tough. He stopped talking and by the time I cooled down he was already shut off. I ended up keeping the conversation somehow as he stopped initiating. By the following weekend I was near his area and we were talking so I asked if he feels like going out having some air. He made an excuse and I just headed home. We talked less and less through the following week, by thursday night we had a light chat and I asked how he was, he said that he was very tired and unhappy. As I asked why, is it going bad at work, my message just stayed unread till the morning. It was Friday 9 Feb. And he was quite responsive through the day, so I asked to meet and as he kept making excuses related to work, I just pushed more. So he just stopped responding to my messages and calls. Yes I know I did aaaall kinds of the things to avoid in these situations but I could not help but to see and understand what was happening to him that he had to express his unhappiness. After this incident I just disappeared too until valentine’s day at around 10 pm. I sent a brief apology message for my harsh words and putting the blame on him (when I exploded on him) while he was already having a hard time by himself. I wished him good luck with his upcoming thesis presentation (16 Feb) and wished him that he would never tell anybody again that he is tired and unhappy as he said to me the week before. I got an answer for this message that I was a wonderful girl and very understanding and I have nothing to apologise for and thanks for the good wishes and that I deserve the best and he hopes I will find what I deserve.
If you sense that all your efforts to improve your relationship are not bearing fruit, don’t delay the inevitable.  Yes, being single can appear scary at first, but better alone than stuck in a relationship that is draining the joy and spark out of you.  You don’t want to wake up at fifty or sixty years old to discover that you’ve wasted your love on a guy that never appreciated what you had to offer.

Do these strategies/tips apply for non-formal exes? What I mean by this is, for a guy whom you never officially dated but had a really amazing connection with? My personal situation was that I had “met” a guy online on a non-dating website. We got into a conversation and it quickly escalated into daily, almost constant communication. He lived in another country and doesn’t have social media – the way we met was really a fluke as it wasn’t a typical social media setting. Anyways, we connected pretty deeply really quickly. He would say things like he had never been able to have a conversation with another girl like me before, and how he could talk to me all day. His lifestyle was one where he works CONSTANTLY, and as such he never really had a real girlfriend or relationship, but despite that he was very sweet and would write me very long emails. We would talk about everything – it was mostly an intellectual/emotional connection. I have been in a long term deteriorating relationship for years now, and he knew this and still expressed that if I made the decision to leave he wanted to date me and we even talked about marriage. It was all very fast, we probably moved too fast in the things we talked about but I really think we had a real connection. Anyways I ended up making the moves to split with my current relationship, and when I told this guy he seemed happy about it. But because my situation is complicated and my partner was making things very difficult for me, and simultaneously, this other guy was having problems with work and was busier and busier, I started to get needy and anxious and would tell him too much about my problems with my partner. This guy was always very sweet and listened to me, but over the course of a few weeks I could feel him pulling back and instead of giving him space I got more needy. We had had plans to meet, but I told him I wanted him to see me when I was strong and not vulnerable. He expressed happiness that I felt this way and he was confident in my ability to be strong, but then I got more anxious again and kept pressing about meeting (he lives in another country). He said yes he wanted to meet still,but I sensed that he was saying this to make me feel better and he was feeling a little hesitant about it at the time because of how anxious I had been acting. Over the course of the following two weeks, we communicated less but he would still check in with me every few days and had mentioned it would be hard for him to meet me because there was only one day which I could do so, but he said he was doing his best. He also informed me at the time that he had had a major financial loss at work and I knew he was very stressed. The next day he told me he had booked a flight, but it was refundable and he wasn’t positive he could be on it because of work issues but he’d let me know by Friday. Well on Thursday night, I f**d everything up. I sent him a message saying I had been thinking and now probably wasn’t the best time to meet considering how much of a mess I was and all he had going on with work. I told him I was glad his tickets were refundable and that I was sure we could meet another time. Well on Friday I didn’t get a response all day, so I sent a message that night saying I hoped he didn’t take what I had said wrong, and that I was happy he had made an effort by buying tickets but that I just felt bad when he was dealing with so much. No response that day, Saturday, or Sunday. By the time Sunday rolled around I had no clue what was going on and I sent about four messages throughout the day asking if he was still coming and that I was stressed not knowing. No response. Then the day before we were supposed to meet, I sent him a long message basically flipping out – asking how could he do this, I thought he was a gentleman, and that I simply didn’t have the emotional capacity to wait for his messages anymore, but I hoped he would be happy. Then I sent another message a few hours later, admitting that I knew I had bombarded him with too many messages and mixed messages and that I knew I was all over the place, and how I wished we could have met after I was independent and after he had dated and they everything would have been magical. I also said I wished the best for him and wanted him to be happy and that I would no longer anticipate hearing from him.
Similarly, Ive seen my brother go through something similar. He did the exact thing with his current girlfriend, he moved out for a week to retreat after a minor conflict, and she was so upset, leaving presents at the door and calling me to find out if he was ok etc. I had to tell her to stop and give him space. He came around, I didnt pressure him and didnt go into it much. But the up side is that he’s still with her now.
Without literally telling him verbally, give your man a few good reasons why he shhould commit. Ensure that you are the type of woman that he wants before you think about a committment. Evaluate the relationship and see if you are both happy and willing to take it a few steps further. Be what he wants without forcing yourself to; be his happy place, his pillar of support. Contrary to what many people think, being able to wash, cook and clean are not the basic foundations of what makes a man happy and lean towards commitment. If you are seen as a great companion who he has to lean on at the end of his day, forcing him to commit will never be an option.

Clean and reorganize: If you've been putting off some big cleaning or reorganizing project, now is the time to do it. Your closet may be a total mess right now, but you'd be amazed at how that can change after a weekend of work. The same thing goes for any other project that you have been putting off, now that you have some alone time you're ready to invest some more time into accomplishing those tasks.


We have been together for10 yrs have 2 boys moved in and out with eachother n this time break up was bad i even said he was dead top me ….2weeks pass since ive moved out n no conyact silence from both ends he blocked me off of social media n just yesterday he created a new fb page to text me ” what can’t speak to the dead “? What do i do next i love himn want him back to keep forever … but I’m that type that is needy clingy. And responds to anything he says or does he knows he had me like that …what do i do? He thinks the worse of me and blamed me for everything he also thinks that I’m playing him for a fool but I’m none of the things he says n thinks i am help me
I watched the episode of The Big Bang Theory, where Amy wanted to strengthen Sheldon’s feelings toward her, so she made him his favorite meal, favorite strawberry shake, and played Super Mario music. Therefore, I wanted to try this and evoke my boyfriend’s childhood positive feelings so he could associate them with me. I prepared meatloaf with spinach, his favorite chocolate cake and we played his childhood video game. And this actually worked! Find out what he was most happy about during childhood, and surprise him.
So we have been together for two years and then my boyfriend left me and after some time he came back and he confessed he cheated on m when together and after leaving me at that time he was still with her. But then he begged for another chance so we started talking again and I was trying to make it work until I found out about something else he had done during that time. And all the anger and hurt came rushing back and I told him we were done. And he got really emotional and he told me not to leave him and that he will change and he begged me. But I still rejected him. And he hasn’t spoken to me since then but it’s only been a day. Either way I still do love him so I don’t know if I did the right thing by pushing him away when he begged so much. Will he ever come back now ? Would he stop trying to win me back? Have i lost him?
Commitment problems can come from a wide range of places. Perhaps they had a relationship that was horrible and their ex cheated on them. This would obviously make them hesitant to commit to someone else. They may also have parent issues that explain their commitment issues. First, you need to figure out why they are that way so you can tailor your behavior to make them want to commit. [Read: 13 signs he wants a relationship but has commitment issues]
My boyfriend has serious depression and anxiety, he feels worthless even when i’m the one at fault. How do i make sure that he knows i won’t leave him? I’ve told him countless times and he says he understands but sometimes he’ll make a comment like “well this will cause you to leave me” or “you’re gonna leave me after I say this…”. I really need some guidence because we are the love of eachothers lives (both of us has said it and he said it first)

Men do enjoy being in relationships (when it’s with the right woman, that is), but at the same time, most men have a huge fear of losing their freedom and getting trapped in a situation with a woman who sucks them dry and leaves them feeling drained and uninspired. A man will feel “free” in a relationship when he’s with a woman who is whole and fulfilled in her life and doesn’t rely on the relationship to meet her every need.
I kind of agree with both of you. I get what you mean with your post, Eric, some women just force into a relationship with a person who will never commit simply because he just does not feel the same way about her, and still she tries to push him. But I also agree that we sometimes, being more mature, I don’t know, have to act like if it was a game, knowing the right moves and words because otherwise the guy will freak out and just leave. I’m with a guy for 6 months now and he still is not sure if I’m “the one”, although we always have an amazing time when we’re together. Maybe he’s afraid to lose his freedom, or that I’ll be all jealous and stuff, but it’s very hard to pretend that I’m ok with this situation when all I wanted was a serious and honest conversation, but I have tried that in the past and he thought I was pressing him.
However, for women it is always nice when a guy does the romantic thing and buys you presents etc. So if you have been in a relationship with your man for a while and this is happening to you, then you can also use James Bauer’s questioning technique to get him to realise on another level that he needs to pay attention to you in a more romantic way.
@ Jackie if a guy ever tell you to STOP calling/texting him give him just what he asking you for which is no contact It seems to me he got what he wanted sex from you and was No longer interested in anything other that. I know as a woman it hurts to be treated like that it happens but learn from it, next time take more time to get a real feeling of what a guy true intentions are in my opinion 1 month is too soon to give a guy your precious body too he obviously has moved on and so should you. Keep in mind he may reappear but you have to be a Strong woman and not go back to his way of treating you distancing himself from you be more available for the right guy to come into your life. Forgive him and dont look back go on with your life.
When you take a relationship that is brand new and start thinking that it’s something, or forcing it to be more than it is, it’s game over. Your vibe will become man repelling and before long, he’ll be gone and you will be left baffled, analyzing what exactly you did to drive him away. But you won’t ever find the answer, because it isn’t concrete and measurable.
It's possible that your boyfriend just needs some place. Some people, especially introverts, can get easily overwhelmed when they have to interact with other people. It's also possible that you are trying to rush into the relationship too fast, and that he is not ready for it. Tone down on the calling and texting for about a week and see what happens.
I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 weeks or so. Yes, early days I know, but we have passed a lot of these things. I’ve met his brother, his casual friends and a lot of his close friends. Natural since we’ve known each other for 8 years really. Anyway I feel like I’ve ruined something great. We try and have a date a week, very casual ones though, we feel good around each other, talk is easy, we support each other, have some similar interests and hobbies, and the sex is great. It was only how one date night he was sick and I organised an easy night at his where I would bring over dinner, watch a movie and just hang out. He told me he wasn’t up to it and wanted some alone time. I get that. I have those days too. I also get that plans come up and that if there is a friend you can only see once in a blue moon then you take it. But, does it have to be the same night? Do I have to find out through a third person that he went to a party while sick on the night he wanted to be alone? Now in past relationships I’ve done the bad thing, let these things slide, hurt me and reward them for it; but I didn’t want to do that. I messaged him today – not trusting my voice – with something along the lines of ‘since you believe in honesty is the best policy, next time tell me alone time just means time with anyone but me.’ I told him I’ve been in that type of relationship before and I was really hurt by it. He said he understood and it was inconsiderate before slipping in the whole thing of ‘personally, i’m not looking for a serious relationship right now.’. Ok, I get that. Just shy of two months dating (even though we’ve known each other for 8 years) and we are young! We are only 22. I agreed with him but he also knows that down the line those feelings on my end might change. I also said that if they change for him to let me know since I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want him to be either. I’ve been in the whole one sided relationship before and the guy really hurt me in that situation. I feel like I’ve ruined it by telling him how I feel since he just slipped in that line and it just felt like another blow. I like this guy, I could see a potential relationship in the future but I’m just scared that even though I said I don’t want a label that he thinks that since i added that months down the line that could change. When that time comes I’m just wondering how to reach him to move from just casual dating to a proper relationship.
But when do I know it’s time to completely move on? How much time do I let pass? Do I go like 6 months, and then reach out and say hi how are you? The problem is, if I am constantly “waiting” for him to reach out to me, and it never happens, how the hell am I able to move on? How do I know whether to initiate something? Is it even possible he still thinks about me?
People I have told this to have told me to just forget about him, that he wasn’t even real, but I don’t believe that and I am having a hard time just letting it go. I know we had a special connection, and there is a part of me that is still holding on and hoping there is a chance down the road for us to at least be friends, but I am afraid I completely ruined it. I was wrong for how I acted but he also did ghost and bail on me, so my question is – do I reach out to him again and acknowledge that I f**d up with my crazy behavior?? Do I try to make it right? Or do I give it more time and then try? Or do I wait for him? Part of me feels like I may never hear from him again if I don’t reach out, but the other part of me thinks that he knows that I feel horrible and I shouldn’t reach out to him because it still hasn’t been enough time.
All these women saying “thank you for the tips” and tolerating being turned on and off at guy’s whims just because “they are like that”, “they need space” “they need to deal with one thing at a time”. Come on!! We deserve better than that. We deserve a mature person next to us, not a whimsical child-man that from his enormous ego (like many kids have) can’t see how their actions impact on those who love him and care about him.
Many articles on how to get a man to commit tell you to make him laugh, and do fun stuff with him. If you think your man is funny, laugh. If he has achievements, great or small, congratulate him. The phrase that says encouragement sweetens labor can be edequately applied to relationships. Show him that you appreciate his sense of humor, and he will not only feel as the center of attention, but the center of your world; ensure that he always know that you appreciate him. That is one of the ways how to make a man commit and create an unbreakable bond with you. You will become his number one girl, and you showing appreciation and genuine interest in him is what makes him want to commit.

Actions do speak louder than words and when it comes to communication with your man, up to 85% comes from your body language. It’s normally the physical draw that gets the conversation going. When it comes to the chemistry, it’s the pheromones that certain people are drawn to. Researchers believe this is what makes people want more after the first signs of physical attraction.
I see some interesting points here re men withdrawing from relationship at times. It’s what we do. On occasion we need “me” time for simple reason we just do. Too many women see this as rejection when, in reality, we are just doing or evaluating our situation and who we are with. All perfectly normal behaviour. We will surprise you, if you let us. We also desire our mates time together so we can bond. It’s what Men do. I believe in any relationship both parties should be with their friends only not as a couple. It makes the relationship stronger. For sure Men as a collective WILL look at other Women and comment on them. Again it’s what we do. If any partner says he doesn’t do this then he is a liar. Looking is fine. Touching isn’t. Please avoid planning “our” week without checking with me first otherwise resentment will present itself. I see some comments on “he is in the Doghouse” and I’ve brought my boys up to respect women blah blah blah. All very well and nice in right context but reading between lines I sense control and “I’m the Boss” in the relationship. Dangerous ground. He will suffer it in silence but over time he will resent you for it a very fine line to balance on. In short men expect Women to be soul mates but there are simple things too he will appreciate.
I hope this article helped you learn what it takes to make a man miss you and want you even more. But that’s not all it takes to have an amazing relationship. Do you know what really inspires a man to commit? Do you know what it takes for him to see you as girlfriend material, as a woman who is a cut above all the rest? If not, you need to read this next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman

I’ve loved reading your articles and they’ve really helped me recognize what’s been tickling the corner of my self-awareness lately about my self-worth being directly related to why I always end up dating people that don’t treat me well and are emotionally unavailable. The one thing that I’m trying to figure out in this article and in my current situation is – how do you discern between a relationship (casual or exclusive) ending due to the other person being emotionally unavailable vs. being emotionally available and being turned off by your insecurities? At the end of the day, I recognize that both are directly related to my lack of self-love and that is what needs to be fixed, but in the former case, if I had previously fixed this it would have resulted in me ending the relationship as soon as I recognized the other person was emotionally unavailable/disrespecting me and in the latter it seems like the relationship would have had a chance at working out. I feel like it’s much easier to forgive myself for not holding boundaries and walking away when I knew I should have than for literally being the reason something potentially great didn’t work out..


Hello I can imagine your going through a hard time trying to understand this guy. He’s confusing you because he’s confused himself. He has distanced himself because this is what guys do when they are thinking if they want to be with you or not. This also shows how he doesn’t care much about you and more about himself. He says these things like I miss you and all that stuff to make sure your still around for him as an option but does his words match his actions? If he missed you he woukd see you. Does he see you? No ? Then he’s not telling the truth he’s using words to keep you about for his own ego and loneliness. There’s a way u can find out if he wants to be with you or not and that’s by ignoring him he sends u a msg like I miss you can I talk to u or just hello no mater what his msg says u say nothing. A woman’s silence shows and expresses your hurt more than your anger and words do. This also gives him time to properly miss you and it also stops you looking easy in his eyes men want a challenge they want to chase so give him what he wants and don’t feel bad about it either he hurt you did he care ? Sounds like he didn’t.
My boyfriend and I just broke up today…. At fjrst everything was going well. He found a job in the field he likes and all of a sudden he became anger and bitter towards for no reason. We were together for 10 months we have 9 month old twins together and we would fuss, fight, argue, stop speaking to each other within the relationship I love him with my whole heart. He completes me. We both didn’t want to be in a relationship but, we decided for the sake of the twins. We were just going to co parent. Now he acts as if I was a bad woman to him he made me feel like every problem we had I was the cause. He has a 13 yr old son with someone else and today he said she visited him at his place of employment. Why???? If you and her stopped loving each other and you couldn’t stand her yoy never wanted to be around her. So what changed. He only spoke to his son and only him…. All of a sudden today he thinks we should move on cause he can’t be the man I need or want him to be… It hurts but, I’m wondering were they talking behind my back or what??? He said that he rather be with her cause he deserves to be happy.. I’m extremely hurt… Pray for me.
I and my fiance separated after two years because of the many problems between us .. But the last problem was big and did not talk to me and I did not speak to him three months ago, and his father convinces him to return but he refuses to .. I knew that from the people around .. Is there a chance to return? How can I?, I am 16 and he is 26 years old
I know right now can be difficult but it’s important you pull back and give him space to see if he will show up for you. Sometimes in relationships, you can be taken for granted and if he is not moving towards you to find comfort when he isn’t making you a priority. I would not reach out to him and keep yourself busy. Do something that makes you happy and do something you have been wanting to do for a while. Watch this video as I believe this will help you as well. All the best and hope this helps! https://youtu.be/IHxpL_E4Ihg
I know that no matter what our future holds, together or just friends, this will have been the best thing for us because we would have never been happy living and treating each other the way we were. He tells me he’ll always love me, but he’s living his life with no expectations and he thinks it’s best for us to both move on. Whenever I told him that I agreed we both need to move on from the previous relationship, he didn’t respond back to that part. (This was during a slip up last weekend that I regret.) I brought up how it upsets me that he’ll text me a few times a week and stop after a handful of texts, nd he made it clear he does NOT want to live his life on his phone. That was a big part of our problems, was that we HAD to be in contact 24/7, and it became very unhealthy. However, I still worry that because I don’t hear from him that often that he’s getting over me.
i have been dating this guy for almost six months now, we have not started having sex, because i told him i am not ready we have talked about it and he agreed. But of late i feel he is pulling away, sometimes he will not call or text me unless if i call him or text him first, he is always postponing our dates and its like he does not want to see me, when i ask him he says he is just busy with work or he could not call me because he had no credit in his phone, i don’t really know what to do? should i just leave him alone or i continue calling or texting him first all the time…, does it mean he has lost interest in me? please help ,
Instead of trying to fix it and reel him back, forgive yourself for being needy, acknowledge that it’s OK and everything will be fine, and give him some space to come to you. Don’t inundate him with texts or snap chats or G-chats or anything. Just let it be and give him the space to find his way back to you. And in that time, enjoy your life and find ways to be happy. Do not spend this time obsessing over him and wondering if you ruined this relationship forever. Be confident in yourself and try to internalize the fact that you deserve an amazing relationship and with the right person it will happen freely and won’t need to be forced.
He may have feelings for you. He probably has very strong feelings for you. He likely is concerned that if the two of you develop a relationship at this time, that he will not act in a mature enough manner and may damage your friendship. If you want to move into a relationship with him, then explain that you know that the both of you care about each other and you are not going to hurt him. Let him know that you trust him not to hurt you. Best of luck, Vicki!
It’s true, we are naturally attracted to people like ourselves. The more you have in common the better but even more important, you should show him your interest by mirroring him. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve got to wear the same clothes as he does. However you should copy his actions. If he takes a sip of his drink you should do the same. Use the same words he does later in the conversation, and if he holds his hands a certain way you should do the same.
In my own research, I find that women are a slightly more faithful group, as confirmed by talks with sociologist W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. He says that just 14 percent of ever-married women report having had an extramarital affair over their lifetime, as compared with 22 percent of men.
I watched the episode of The Big Bang Theory, where Amy wanted to strengthen Sheldon’s feelings toward her, so she made him his favorite meal, favorite strawberry shake, and played Super Mario music. Therefore, I wanted to try this and evoke my boyfriend’s childhood positive feelings so he could associate them with me. I prepared meatloaf with spinach, his favorite chocolate cake and we played his childhood video game. And this actually worked! Find out what he was most happy about during childhood, and surprise him.
Adam, amazing video, I am impressed! Please keep up the good work! I am a single woman and I have responded to a handsome man’s flirts after like 2 months of him making it more obvious…I have put the breaks on from the beginning and to my surprise he kept insisting and making it more obvious! Here is the catch: I have rewarded him by teasing him a bit and introducing myself and being bold a little bit, bc I wanted him to get a reward and to know what he’s been doing is what I like…however, once I got to feel a bit “more comfortable” and start making small conversations here and there ( every 2 weeks or so, when we run into each other), he now started to pull away slightly, and I didn’t do ANYTHING about it, literally, just being myself, feminine, relaxed, NOT bothered by his pulling away…NOW, this guy didn’t even ask me out, but his face lightened up, he couldn’t stop smiling, it was in his eyes, face, everywhere, of course I noticed how much he liked me…I am a bit confused now, bc he worked hard ( 2 months) to get my attention and get a reward ( me teasing him, introducing myself, giving him a sign that I like him too) to only create a bit of distance once I feel more comfortable! Given that we never went out ( he didn’t ask for a ph number or anything) what should I do? We run into each other when I get off gym and he is at work! Last night I had seen him squeezing his head after me when I passed by (at his work place) and he seemed to careless about him being at work and have his employees seeing him doing that squeezing head after a woman but care far more FOR ME NOT TO SEE HIM squeezing his head to check me out! What happens? he made it plain obvious BEFORE for 2mo, now he seems to create distance but checks me out secretly ( or so he thinks :)). Should I say something given taht he didn’t even make a move on me, or should I allow his teh space he seems to want? I want to give this man a real chance, I liked his persistence :).

Though it can be difficult to ask a man what he is looking for, it also challenges you to get one step closer to your goal. The more comfortable you are with this the easier it will become. I know that some people may not always take my advice to challenge themselves and ask the man what he is looking for, so I want to give you some other clues on what to pay attention to if you don’t want to have this conversation with him. Side note, I am in no way I offering you a pass to wiggle out of the conversation! Remember, challenge yourself.


In other words: he becomes the center of your world and ultimately, that makes him even more distant. When a man senses that you’re so invested in him and how he feels about you, he becomes turned off. He was attracted to you in the first place because you had a life outside of him. He loved the fact that you made yourself responsible for your own happiness.
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Me and my boyfriend were together for about a year and promised each other the world to each other. Our connection was so strong and nothing stopped us from separating for a while especially since our families come from different cultures and religions. As time went by, we started having problems because of the family issue and he came to terms that it is risky to continue the relationship when we are unsure of the future. I have been doing no contact and it has been two weeks. He still had me on social media and everything. I even posted a few pictures of myself and sporting activities which I know he could see. Once I posted something about a concert that was near his place, he saw it and decided to unfollow me. He still has me on facebook, but I have no idea if that’ll last. He hasn’t reached out once to me since I started no contact. I don’t know what I should do.
A readily available woman isn’t attractive for any man, especially if he’s looking to commit. He wants to commit to a woman who has her own life, friends and social circles. Not many men would want their women to make them the centre of their universe, and yours is no exception. So show him you have a life beyond him. Hang out more with friends, make new friends, go on weekend getaways and make sure you post these photos on social media where he’s sure to see them. The more he sees you depend less on him for emotional support, the more attractive you become to him.
I was in a relationship with I guy where I pulled away because I fell in love with him and I needed time to process it. I didnt tell him how I felt. I still texted a little, maybe every second/third day just a bit over two weeks, but by the time I came back, he was moody, and started drifting a little from me. He then wanted time apart because he couldn’t deal with my emotional boundary I put up before. So I told him the issues I had and that I fell in love with him. So while we gave each other space, we missed each other. I was happy to see him when I cane back but he begged me to fall right back into the relationship too fast and it was all a very confusing mix of blaming and missing me and I found myself backing away again. Thats when I decided to stopped seeing him, even though I loved him.
Spending Saturday morning in the soup kitchen or helping an elderly person carry his groceries may help your partner see you in a more serious light. In a recent British study, people rated potential sexual partners to be more attractive for a long-term relationship if they had altruistic qualities. "Giving back to others shows your good heart and integrity, and although they may not consciously think that far in the future, partners are subconsciously assessing maternal traits in a woman to see what kind of mother she'd be," Kelman says. (Related: How to Use Social Media to Benefit Your Relationships)
#4 He is attracted to someone else. If nothing happened and he is suddenly pulling away, then it may be that he is attracted to someone else. If he is thinking about being with another woman, he may be trying to find a way out of the relationship. If you notice that his habits are changing, he is no longer interested in sex, or if he becomes more secretive and rarely spends time with you, then he may have found someone else.
Men who pull away are often in situations in which they are playing the field and playing games with women’s emotions. This leads to instability right off the bat. This is where I like to take a moment to tell my coachees that even though they may be single and dating, not every man that they meet is going to have the same intentions. That’s why it’s important for you to love yourself fully, make sure you’re aligned with your goals and stay committed to your values.
My boyfriend and I dated 4 months and he officially broke up with me yesterday. I begged him to stay but he wouldn’t. And he told me not to text him. Just not yet. He told me to give him some space and that we are never getting back together. The reason we fought was because he mostly makes plan with his friends and he no longer makes plan with me. We texted short texts everynight and we do see each other either at my place or his place once every two or three weeks. I told him that I want to date like other couples like going on dates and stuffs. Because when we first started dating, he took me to many dates and then during the summer, he started working and he got busy. I understand that. But during the weekend, he would spend time with his friends and he would text me and I wasn’t happy with that and I talked to him about it and he got frustrated. My ex always have problem with relationship. Like he is not really into it and before me, he said he would never date. But then when we got to know each other, he told me that he fell for me and that’s why he asked me out. But I feel like he started to change after he started working which was the begining of the summer. I don’t know if it was because he got busier or if he no longer liked me. I asked him and he said he still liked me and he just got busier. But to me, it doesn’t feel like he likes me. We no longer went on dates. He no longer being affectionate towards me. And my ex is like really emotionless. Not that he doesn’t have emotions, he is just trying not to have it. He said having emotion or feeling attached to things or people are hard. I talked to him about spending time too much with his friends and that’s how we broke up. He cried when we broke up. Is there a chance we would get back together? I really don’t know what’s going on anymore.
Once you’re in a relationship, this part is especially crucial. Part of the learning curve of a new relationship is figuring out how much alone time each person needs. In most cases, there’s always going to be one person who needs more alone time than the other. Don’t take it personally if he’s the one that needs more introverted unwind time than you do.
What makes you irreplaceable in the eyes of your man? Your ability to reach deep into the depths of who he is and inspire him. To put it more bluntly, you must offer something that is much more rare and valuable than sex if you want him to treat you as something important in his life. I mean … duh, right?  And yet this obvious truth gets distorted and overlooked.
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