You can’t simply think about committing to someone if you aren’t in love. You may have a crush, but you need some time to start falling in love. We want a serious relationship and someone to share our dreams, but it is not all about taking that step and getting what you want. The more important thing is with whom you will be taking that step. If he’s the right man for you, and still keeps his distance, then proceed to next steps.
Hello. How can I arrange a phone consultation with you, Eric? Your straight-forward advice sounds reasonable and sound to me. I am in a 4-month old relationship with my boyfriend. I love him and he says he loves me, but he says he is afraid of hurting me. He confessed that he loves the excitement and euphoria when a relationship is new but gets bored and dissatisfied when the newness wears off. He is afraid that this will happen again and he will hurt me. He said I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him, that I treat him better than any other woman he’s ever been with and that he wants me in his life forever, even if that mean just being friends later. He hasn’t asked me to move in, hasn’t discussed marriage, but says he wants a future a with me. I don’t get this at all. My gut tells me he loves me but not enough. I want a future with him, including the whole ball of wax of marriage, but he says he doesn’t know if he wants to marry me or not, that we should just enjoy each other and live day to day. Sounds like bs to me. But I find it hard to be objective. He has been hurt deeply by past women who have betrayed and used him. I need help figuring this all out. Thank you very much.
Right on from the man’s perspective. The kind of things like “you’re in the doghouse” is exactly what drives men away. Respect goes both ways in a relationship, and it’s not a battle of the sexes. When women see it as “men vs. women” it’s half over already. It’s not to say men are not jerks — many are. But if the love and connection are strong, then be respectful. If we guys want to have me time or gain some perspectives by retreating, please let us do so instead of making us feel even worse, like we’re scum…. and we will respect more of you, as we also know you need your space too from time to time. A relationship is a fluid thing and we need to adjust and adapt. Mostly, we need to respect each other.
Before reading this article, if a guy pulled away I would have automatically assumed he was no longer interested, had met someone else or I’d done something to upset him. In addition, I most certainly wouldn’t have been happy to welcome him back with open arms. On the other hand, IF the need for space was communicated beforehand-though I’d still be wondering- then I’d have no problem with this at all.
Recently he saw that I had written “your peeps are creative” to someone’s group Halloween photo. He freaked out and said I was hitting on other men. When I tried to hug him to calm him down, he pushed me off. He then deleted all my photos from his IG and FB. That same night his sister in law called and asked if he and I broke up. I told her what happened and she went and did a blast text message to his entire family about him being an abuser. She said she is purposely pushing me out for my own good.
Maybe he saw something in the both of you at the start. Maybe that something isn’t fully what he is looking for. Remember, both of you are seeking the right match. Allow him the space he needs to decide what level of importance you are to play in his life. If he is pulling away perhaps you should too. After all, once he sees you leaving his interest just might be reignited.
So I m a gay guy who is in love with of course another guy. we were doing so good and things happened and then he broke up with me. no, he never did ask for space. he told me that he had fallen for someone else and he was happy. ofcouse I chased him around begging to take me back and reminded him of how much I love him. oh and he lived in a different country, we met on social media. I flew over to see him. since then I have flown multiple times to see him because he asked me to go see him. he says he doesn’t want to loose me but does not seem to want to talk to me. when I call him. he does not pick up. sometime he talks to me. but most of the time. I believe he just ignores me. I don’t know what to do….. the sad part is I am madly in love with him… do I just not contact him at all? why does ppl that actually love gets hurt all the time. I don’t think I have ever been treated special by any of my partner except for him. he was so sweet to me. I guess the distance got the best of us. but is it really over? I don’t understand it. and I am sorry, if I am offending other readers. I have no where to go or talk to but to ask for help here. thank you for reading.
So im a year younger than him, hes off back home from uni and next year he is moving to a uni closer to home, it turns out hes going to the uni ive wanted to go to since i was 14 but i wont be going uni for annother year after, he finally decided 2 week before he goes home that he doesnt want to be with me as the long distance thing wont work though its like half an hour on the train, and not to long ago we was making plans about me going down to see him he says its not that im not worth it but that we both constantly will be unhappy and paranoid and worrying tho he litrally lives a 40 min bus drive away now and it was never a problem. I cant help but feel like theres annother reason tho he swears theres not. Its very fresh and im yet to get my belongings so the no contact phaze isnt in action but ild like to know if it would work for a situation that involves distance, and well unis not exactly filled with classyness when it comes to relationships ect.alls i want is for him to atleast try and make a go of things, even if it doesnt work out it would mean ild know we tried and theres nothing we could of done. Hope you can help
In addition to the pulling away he is very cruel when he drinks. Calling me horrible names and tries to make me feel beneath him. I know this is huge red flags but love makes us do crazy things. We’re both sexually open minded but he tells me I’m a liar about talking about having another woman intimately. I feel him and I aren’t ready for this. At least I’m not ready. It’s a unhealthy dysfunctional relationship and while he has his faults I know I push him to the limits. (Blowing up how phone etc)
Don’t worry about him enjoying the free time with his friends. Of course, giving him space to enjoy is going to make you look confident and less clingy. He may seem to enjoy it, but eventually, your boyfriend will crave more time with you. So, the next time he tries to come up with excuses to hang out with his friends, let him go. If he wants to go on a boys’ trip, allow him. The more time he is away from you, the more he will realize what he’s missing. He might think his friends are important and deserves his time but he will soon learn that he can’t spend his lifetime with only them, he needs you.
Men often pull away because they're emotionally distracted or preoccupied. For instance, if he's dealing with a friend issue, stress at work, or other personal problems, he's not going to be able to devote his full time and attention to you. When your man has other matters on his mind and different issues to tackle, he's likely going to keep you at a distance in order to prevent feeling overwhelmed or overextended. When he's under a lot of pressure or dealing with disappointment or loss, being more closed-off can be a way for him to manage his stress before he's able to put his attention back on you.
I am a guy who was recently dumped after a 7 year relationship. I deal with heavy anxiety as it is and this just took it to another level, it lead to me having severe panic attacks as well as constant nausea and vomiting. I know this article is intended for women because of the constant use of male pronouns when referring to the ‘ex’ I’m going to try these steps never the less and do my best. Thank you for taking the time to create such a well thought out article!
Are you reading this page because you are looking for an answer to why your boyfriend pulling away? If yes, then you need to look at how long you have been with him and what is his relationship pattern with you. Number one reason why most men pull away in a relationship without any apparent reason is have been with your boyfriend for sometime and he hasn’t committed in a relationship yet, then this may be the reason why he pulls away. Men don’t want to give up their freedom and they want it more than women. Also, some men are never ready to take responsibility of a relationship. If your boyfriend is one of those men who like to be in an open relationship or prefer staying single, he will pull away every time you will bring up the question of commitment or long-term relationship with him in a conversation. If you notice this pattern in your boyfriend’s behavior, it’s time to make decision that if you really want this man or someone who wants to commit to you.
I’m also in a relationship that i believe i committed myself too soon and i let him know of this. His response was that he wasn’t sure if he would even be available because his job might transfer him. I think he just used this reason as a way out. But, yet I’ve tried to put such boudary by letting him know that since we don’t want the same things we could just be friends. And although, I was hoping he wouldn’t take me up on it he did. So we stopped seeing eachother for a couple of weeks, but it’s been awful and I’m dying to see him again. So, when he playfully suggested to meet him again I totally went for it. But I’m afraid, this will put us right back to where we started. Do you think there is any way to put this relationship back in the right track? or there’s no way to save it now? I would appreciate any help you can give me.. Thanks
Have you ever noticed that when you put all of your focus on someone it seems to push them away? That's why removing your focus from your ex will actually draw him closer to you! This is when meeting new friends will come in handy. If you really want your ex to miss you, you need to step outside of your comfort zone a bit. Of course it is important to keep a strong support system and keep the friends that you have made throughout the years, but expanding your social circle and making a few new friends can’t hurt either. By expanding your circle, it will fill up your social calendar with various events and outings to keep you busy and to keep your mind off of your ex.
Like the advice but now I feel the connection I thought I may have had has gone from me towards the 2 year boyfriend ( we live apart & I have 1 child still at home with me). Its fine he can have his past times of long fishing trips & he likes to control the pace of the relationship. My problem is that now I do not care enough about a relationship with him anymore, so does any one else have this problem?