This is absolutely no excuse for you to be cheated on. Your independence is important and if he wanted the attention he should have spoken to you about this before he cheated instead of cheating and then placing blame on you. This is narcissistic behavior and I encourage you to stay strong. If you need further help you can reach out to me for a private coaching session here so I can guide you towards working through this. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
My boyfriend and I had been living together for almost six months although we’ve been dating for close to 3 years. At first it was the perfect moments of our lives but along the way we started having pointless arguments and naughty attitudes toward each other. I couldn’t stand him and he always said it was because he loved me more. So he got another apartment and stopped staying with me. Now I miss him more than I ever have. We stopped fighting and eventually he invited me over for the weekend because he was dying to see me. After leaving, I missed him more and couldn’t do anything without him. He cried that he misses me more but I don’t think he does else he would have moved back in. Please any help making him miss me more than I miss him?
    "...in examining women's marital quality and men's emotional investments in marriage, we find that dyadic commitment to institutional ideals about marriage and women's contentment with the division of household tasks are more critical. We also show that men's marital emotion work is a very important determinant of women's marital quality. We conclude by noting that "her" marriage is happiest when it combines elements of the new and old: that is, gender equity and normative commitment to the institution of marriage."1

I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 weeks or so. Yes, early days I know, but we have passed a lot of these things. I’ve met his brother, his casual friends and a lot of his close friends. Natural since we’ve known each other for 8 years really. Anyway I feel like I’ve ruined something great. We try and have a date a week, very casual ones though, we feel good around each other, talk is easy, we support each other, have some similar interests and hobbies, and the sex is great. It was only how one date night he was sick and I organised an easy night at his where I would bring over dinner, watch a movie and just hang out. He told me he wasn’t up to it and wanted some alone time. I get that. I have those days too. I also get that plans come up and that if there is a friend you can only see once in a blue moon then you take it. But, does it have to be the same night? Do I have to find out through a third person that he went to a party while sick on the night he wanted to be alone? Now in past relationships I’ve done the bad thing, let these things slide, hurt me and reward them for it; but I didn’t want to do that. I messaged him today – not trusting my voice – with something along the lines of ‘since you believe in honesty is the best policy, next time tell me alone time just means time with anyone but me.’ I told him I’ve been in that type of relationship before and I was really hurt by it. He said he understood and it was inconsiderate before slipping in the whole thing of ‘personally, i’m not looking for a serious relationship right now.’. Ok, I get that. Just shy of two months dating (even though we’ve known each other for 8 years) and we are young! We are only 22. I agreed with him but he also knows that down the line those feelings on my end might change. I also said that if they change for him to let me know since I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want him to be either. I’ve been in the whole one sided relationship before and the guy really hurt me in that situation. I feel like I’ve ruined it by telling him how I feel since he just slipped in that line and it just felt like another blow. I like this guy, I could see a potential relationship in the future but I’m just scared that even though I said I don’t want a label that he thinks that since i added that months down the line that could change. When that time comes I’m just wondering how to reach him to move from just casual dating to a proper relationship.
We had very profound conversations, sharing the most intimate secrets and trusting each other. The physical part was amazing! After I couldn’t withhold my feelings on several occasions (two –three times during these two months) he started to pull back. The invitations to sleep over stopped all of a sudden, he stopped texting me every day and we have not met now for three weeks. I don’t see anything of what he told me before (that I was a different kind of a woman, that he hardly let someone so close to himself, that I am one of the few people he lets touch and hug him, that he cared about me given that he texted me every day, that I am a person worth having closer and that he didn’t want to hurt me). I try to revive things but every time I ask to meet he comes with “Maybe, if you find time although I am going out this weekend” and after going out “I got so drunk, I have a terrible hangover let’s meet another day” (which never comes), or when I ask whether we would meet he says “Let’s go to the cinema!” and then asks “Have you seen the movies? Although there is nothing good..” and it all stops there.
My boyfriend broke up with me last week after being together just over a year. Said I’m to negative for him and that he was unhappy for the last 8 weeks. Prior to the break was our year anniversary and in the card he wrote ‘can’t air for many more’. He’s told me himself he can’t fault the relationship except I was negative about life. I recognise this now and have also been referrrd for CBT therapy to help with this. He came and saw me the following day to talk. Said he didn’t know what to do with me and that I needed to be less stressed and chill out more. Live for the now and not the future. We had a long cuddle I n bed it felt amazing especially after the heartache the day before. when he left and text when he got home he said I don’t want to lead you on or confuse you but I need to sorry my head out and you need to sort yourself out. Take each day as it comes. Friday came and we had a chat and he said he feels we may of got together to quick as he never intended being with me but things happened and I made him happy. He told me it was 4 weeks he had been unhappy for not 8 as initially said. He said he isn’t wanting to be with anyone atm but still needs his space and if I want to message him I can. We follow each other on social media still and fb says still in a relationship. I know he’s really stressed with not having any work atm and his mum even said that too and said she has her fingers crossed it works out for us. I’m so hurt and confused by it all. It’s now the fourth day since we last spoke and I just want to message him and call him to tell him the positive steps I’ve taken since. We have a concert in July that he says we need to sort the tickets for and I said I still wanted to go with him and said okay. Not sure what to do but everyday I want to just message or call him
I think my ex still loves me. He suggested we “go on a break.” Our relationship was very happy and we were very much in love all throughout our time together. I think this is all good advice but I’m just worried. I’m worried that if I don’t reach out to him, he’ll forget about me or learn to live without me. What we had was really beautiful and I don’t want it to slip away. I’m worried that he’s too stubborn to reach out to me and that even though it’s what we both want, neither of us will do it and what we have will slip away if we give it too much time. What do I do? Do I never contact him again? What if he never contacts me?
Well, Eric Charles is the guy and he promotes the masculine behavior. For God sake, women, our message is clear what we want in a relationship. I am tired that we are always trying to please those guys and etc. The reality is that guys behave as they want and we need to adjust to their particular needs. All those articles say that we need to understand their mindset and how they function so that we could finally find a happy relationship. We basically have to play games. Men are really complicated. Women are very simple. If they want something they say. shhh!!! watch out!! If you say this, the poor guy will be frightened. He does not want to commit. Do not make love with him because he will get what he wants and again he will not want to commit. Jesus! Then, why they do not try to understand how women function and to adjust. Most men are absolutely idiots when it comes to the relationship. We women can give some classes to our sons so that at least new men generation would be more aware of the subject which is “women”.
Had a break up of after about 6 years. Nothing horrible just was because of stress and no communication. He was amazing though. He broke up with me and the whole time it seemed I was the one trying to fix things. Suggest options to help us. Basically it didn’t work I was even more sad trying and him not . We kept trying a few things here and there but it didn’t work. It’s just he never suggested anything so idk maybe he really didn’t know. But we eventually ended it all 100%. I’d been trying to have fun not worry or stress and be a better me than I was. Fix things and be happy worry about me. I have met some new friends too buts it’s just friends. If I had a picture of a guys friend on social media with me is that bad? I was not trying to do anything wrong or cause any upset I was just having fun is all, it was just a goofy picture that has an inside story of how I’m ditzy. Hahaa that is all. I’m just making friends and having fun. But is that something I shouldn’t have done? If it was vice versa I’d be upset and wonder but I’d try to not assume something I don’t know unless there are more pictures of that person or it looked like they were together.
Think about it: you became so used to having your partner around, especially if you lived together or just spent a lot of time together. Now that he’s gone, everything feels out of sync. You can’t sleep without him next to you. Your body temperature might even be going wonky. All of this is normal, but you need to really take care of your health right now.
Step 2) Post a picture of you having a good time. Instead of him getting the comfort of knowing you are depressed without him in your life, show him you are still out and enjoying life without him needing to be in it. As I have mentioned many times in many articles, men are attracted to happy women. Not only that, he will want you more because he is going to be slightly upset at how un-upset you are. This is human instinct. He is going to want you to miss him, which will in turn make him start to miss you. Remember how having fun is part of this phase? Post a good picture of it!
And it was a big catastroph. X was so angry he left me, he insulted and shouted. He came back to do the things he didnt do when he was with me. I cried a lot and begged him not to leave. I did all that i can do. One day he called me to talk together. When he saw me, he hugged me he was calm and lovely he sad we can fix everything together. I was sooo happyy but the next day he woke up angry again and said he cant forgive me and he is not forgetting what i did i begged him again and again but it didnt work
Wow!! All I can say is thank you for writing. You have an awesome way of saying things, straight to the point no BS. This is what people need I tell all my friends about anew mode, lol I even quote some things you say on Facebook. I’ve been married for twelve years and I love reading your articles because it makes me a better person, wife lover!! Thanks again!
If you have to issue ultimatums to get him to commit to a relationship, you may end up hurting each other in the process. Anything done under duress is bound to blow up in your face. If you don’t want to end up with a disastrous relationship, you should avoid forcing someone’s hand. This should not even be on the list of the things to do if you want to learn how to get a man to commit.
Step 2) Post a picture of you having a good time. Instead of him getting the comfort of knowing you are depressed without him in your life, show him you are still out and enjoying life without him needing to be in it. As I have mentioned many times in many articles, men are attracted to happy women. Not only that, he will want you more because he is going to be slightly upset at how un-upset you are. This is human instinct. He is going to want you to miss him, which will in turn make him start to miss you. Remember how having fun is part of this phase? Post a good picture of it!
Be mysterious and surprising. If you are a complete open book when you first meet a guy, it won’t leave him with anything to be surprised by. Instead, you should tell an interesting fact about yourself each time you get together. This will leave your guy wanting to hear more about you, and waiting to find out what new thing he'll learn next. Be spontaneous with him. If you usually go to dinner for dates, invite him on an adventure like rock climbing one day. This spontaneity will excite him and keep him guessing at what you’ll want to do next.

You already have your revamped wardrobe, and that balayage hair treatment has your entire appearance on fleek. Now, all you need to do is whip your body into shape. After being in a relationship with your ex, it’s possible that you packed on a few love pounds, and now’s the time to shed them! Reactivate that gym membership, throw on your favorite pair of sneakers, and dust off your Lululemon pants. It’s time to sculpt your “revenge body” that will make your ex regret the day the two of you parted ways. By looking and feeling amazing from the inside out, your ex will know that you’ve moved on, and you’re life is headed in a positive direction. It will definitely crush his ego a bit, and he will start to reminisce about all the good days the two of you shared. Prepare to receive a phone call or a text message from him spilling his guts about how much he misses you!
i have been dating this guy for almost six months now, we have not started having sex, because i told him i am not ready we have talked about it and he agreed. But of late i feel he is pulling away, sometimes he will not call or text me unless if i call him or text him first, he is always postponing our dates and its like he does not want to see me, when i ask him he says he is just busy with work or he could not call me because he had no credit in his phone, i don’t really know what to do? should i just leave him alone or i continue calling or texting him first all the time…, does it mean he has lost interest in me? please help ,
Hi, I was dating a guy for only two months. We had the most amazing time together and a great connection. On date 6 we confided in each other about our traumatic pasts. We had incredibly amazing intimacy and fantastic dates. By date #8 I could tell that he was starting to fall for me. On date #9 he freaked out and told me that he had absolutely no concerns regarding our relationship and that he had no doubt about our connection and that if we continued to see each other we would have a wonderful relationship. The fear that he was having is that I have a 5 year old son. I’m 33, he’s 31 and an attorney. He wants children, but said he is not ready to have a child in his life. I was not pushing anything and he was putting pressure onto himself. I told him that I was trying to focus on the present and that I was not ready for him to be a part of that either. I just wanted things to progress naturally. He had not even met my son. He ended things after our last date without giving us a chance. We are not in contact and it’s been a week. Is there any hope for this situation?
Some statements in this article are right some are not really applicable in my situation. I have two potential lover in the future trying to get me but I haven’t decided which one because thet need to show me something first and of course I don’t give those things they want. Suddenly both of them were pulling away and not gave much attention as before, that time I waited and even no clue at all what have had happened. I tried not to put any assumption and put blame on myself, tried to relax and had fun with friends. Two months, then I just shoot the questions to both. I don’t care, if they’re not interested please don’t block my door. “You okay? Are you not interested in me anymore? You mad at me or something?”.. One got angry and said that I am the one who becomes distant and not talking to him, in fact I was just giving him space. We had argument and he left. The other guy said sorry, he didn’t give any reason, he just said sorry and but coming back more to me, giving more attention bigger and sweeter than before. He said he feels wanted by me, and now I know which one to choose. So the point is just speak up and see his reaction. Let it naturally, if you mad and become uncomfortable just say it. Plenty fishes in the sea, with patients you will know that he’s the one. A feeling without pressure or hideous love game. Goodluck!

My ex broke up with me about two weeks ago out of the blue. I felt so blindsided because I thought everything was going extremely well and didn’t sense that anything was bothering him. He said he really liked me but wasn’t so sure about the future. Haven’t reached out to him at all and he hasn’t either. Idk what to think because I thought he really cared about me. I keep hoping he’ll text me to say that he made a mistake. What should I do?
Is there another possible explanation for what seems like hot and cold behavior? Yes! If it’s not something new going on in his life that’s changed his routine, it could be about your relationship. It’s possible his feelings are dwindling, but it’s also possible he’s just settling into a more natural routine now that he feels the relationship is more settled.
Love your blog!! My boyfriend and I recently broke up after our vegas trip which we took for new years everything was so amazing up until the day before we left… then all hell broke loose he told me once we get home to go grab all my stuff from his house never contact him ever again to just leave him alone because he wants to start the new year single and just focus on him self…we’ve had many break ups before but I know deep down he has a very soft heart and has a super soft spot for me only knowing this because I was the only women who ever took so much care of him and gave him so much attention and love and spoiled him…first!! When we landed he was happy the same day we landed was my birthday…and I had got and huge cold within the 2 day time frame so once we landed I drove him home and no everything was fine laughing talking normal when I dropped him off he came to my window and kissed my hand and said feel better and walked away….so I drove off went home….the next day I was super sick with a cold still he came over with a bag of my stuff…an box of tissues….and a birthday cake which made me cry then sang me happy birthday by my bed and let me blow out the candles…we shared a peice and then he went home but just before he left i said i have the body wash and conditioner you can take it home and he replied but your never coming over again you keep it…couple days later I wasn’t feeling the greatest almost fainted in the shower so i called him and asked him to take me to emergency he did….everything was okay at the hospital in was told when in got my room to remove everything but panties and wear the gown….so I did and asked him to tie the back of the gown for me when he stood up I was turned so he stood behind me and I felt that he had a hard on so if started to laugh….after the whole hospital situation I thought we were okay….so I started asking him on the way home why can’t we be together after skinny focus together and things escalated and when I left the car we were in a huge fight he told me don’t call me text me leave me alone for good I don’t need drama or stress that’s afterskingndll you are….so I’d left it’s been a week almost since we talked and yesterday he sent me a msg asking how I was feeling and if i had been eating…so i replied felling much better and I eat when I remember because of my job…. he said I still love you I said love you to and then at night he had called me so is picked up he said is miss you do you miss me? I said yeah kept it very neutral today he called me but is didn’t answer so is sent him a text saying call u in 45 getting a facial done he replied it’s ok I just had a question…so I replied what’s up he never answered so when I was done I tried calling back twice he never answered so I sent a msg and said can’t answer now? ? So later on I had fell asleep and woke up around 8 with a horrible bad dream so ih sent him a text because that’s what I always used to do or call him….and said had a bad dream thought id text you don’t mind this msg….he replied maybe 10 minutes after saying it’s ok I love you….so I replied love you to…then he replied 10 minutes later saying miss me? And that’s when I stopped msging him…is did want to give him the satisfaction of saying yes I do….so he sent another msg saying ok….then another after saying….want to come over tonight chill and watch a movie? As bad as I wanted to say yes I didn’t. …and now I need help in want him back but he’s so rude and mean sometimes…. when he gets into his moods….but I love him when he’s not in any bad moods and he can be the most amazing person ever!!! What do I do!!! Please help!!
© 2019 Condé Nast. All rights reserved. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement (updated 5/25/18) and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement (updated 5/25/18) and Your California Privacy Rights. Glamour may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Condé Nast. Ad Choices

So stop over-explaining every little thing, stop sharing all of your childhood stories with him, and don’t let him know what you’re doing at all hours of the day. Keep some things to yourself, and it will make him even more curious about who you really are. He will subconsciously know that in order to peel back all of your layers, he needs to take the next step and ask you for exclusivity.
Fast forward. In November after I wrote him a long note about my feelings and what I went thru when we split we talked in person. He finally opened up about why he didn’t tell me the truth about his 4th marriage. We continue to text and talk on the phone sometimes. We are both still angry about the past, he more than I. I am willing to let go and and forgive him but it seems now he is in that anger stage.
“Women are open. They believe, they subscribe, and they go all in. They will do what it takes to meet the man of their dreams and put themselves out there,” says professional matchmaker, Susan Trombetti.  “They are more social, they are happy a lot of the times, and in this generation of women, they are the best version of themselves: educated, great friends, independent, great careers, and great family. They have a lot to offer someone.”
On the flip side, some men will pull away just as much if their date strongly insists that they must pay their own share. As callous as this may sound, most of us have egos bigger than Mt. Kilimanjaro, yet are as fragile as a fly. Trying to assert dominance in this situation may make your date run away. Even though you’ve done nothing wrong. Yes, I confess… we can be just as confusing to you, as women are to us.

I’m going through almost the same thing with an almost 2 year relationship.. We lived together for over a year and he is OCD and I’m a clutter/messy person.. I always would say our apartment was too small & couldn’t fit all of our stuff. He just would say that I had too much junk & didn’t clean good enough. :( Anyway we broke up over 10 days ago because he said I couldn’t change. So much stuff was happening with his family (parents moved to another state) and he could see/talk to them anymore. He became depressed, and withdrew emotionally from me. He barely even talked to me. I withdrew from him for a week before the breakup when his friend came over because he was also distant and it created tension between us. I went to my moms the weekend he took his friend home because they wanted boy time. I became clingy the day before he made me leave. I hope your situation worked itself out and you two are together or are working on things! Mine said that we were done for good, I’m not right for him even though he still loves me. I’m just waiting in limbo & silence for him to come back.
I met my friend online about 5 months ago. At first he kept in constant contact with me. Then his contact became less frequent. I realized I was the one doing most of the initiating so I stepped back. After 8 days he contacted me saying I dont love him anymore. He explained the problem was not me. He schedule is very busy cause he has a 9-5 job plus an evening contract plus he own several propertyies. I thought he was lieing to me and he was a player. I found out he eas telling the truth. Most times he is extrememly tired. He made a way to spend time with me twice. We had a really good time and he was totally relaxed and he displayed his feelings for me. Both times we met he shut down afterwards and became distant. The first time he came out of it after a week and told me he was in love with me. The second time he shut down. He make sure he text me goodmorning everyday but that is it. After the first week askec if he enjoyed his visit and he said he enjoyed me, but it has been 2 weeks since then and he keeps his contact to a minimum. I reply ro his good morning text and occasionally I will ask how is he doing and he will respond but no additional test after. I have been very quiet trying to give him his space. Yesterday I asked if I offended him in any way and wanted to know why I asked. Confused I just said, “i can’t figure you out but and i want to give you your space. Nut I dont need to be in your head I just want to make sure we are good. Your word is good enough for me. He said we are good and texted an emoji kiss. I said okay.
Understanding that you do not need a man in order to be the best version of yourself is crucial. Loving yourself and doing exactly what makes you happy is key, which means that you need to know how to be happy alone. When you have this type of mentality, you will be able to spot red flags instantly and become more admirable. If a man wants to be with you, he will make it known throughout the relationship. He will make it known in healthy ways of properly courting you. He’s not going to send you the late night 11 pm or 1 am text for you to come over and “watch a movie.”
i met my boyfriend about 2 years ago from youth group at my church and we go to a place called lakeside where we worship God and we were there last year worshipping and i had a bad feeling that something was gonna happen between us so i went to go sit down and he joined me and i couldn't talk to him without crying so i typed it out and he did as well on my phone and it just went downhill from there and thats where we broke up and i was so sad the rest of the week. i could not stop crying the last 2 days we were there and i am still sometimes crying myself to sleep because i miss him so much and ive been trying to not text him so i can focus on myself and its kinda worked out for a couple days but then i end up texting him saying like i miss you so much and cuddling with you and kissing and making out and hes not been thinking of that stuff since we've broken up cause hes been trying to focus on himself which i totally understand but like part of me just wishes he would say he's ready to be with me again so i can see my old happy self again
So let him know if you’re thinking of moving out of state. Let him know if traveling to Europe is on your bucket list. Let him know if a great job offer comes from three cities over and it’s in your best interest to move. And then work towards that future. Because he must sense that you’re not just sending him idle threats. Once he calls your bluff he wins the upper hand.
When you take a relationship that is brand new and start thinking that it’s something, or forcing it to be more than it is, it’s game over. Your vibe will become man repelling and before long, he’ll be gone and you will be left baffled, analyzing what exactly you did to drive him away. But you won’t ever find the answer, because it isn’t concrete and measurable.
Same thing happened to me a few days ago. We have been on and off dating for 7 years and this last time, we were actually together for almost four solid years. He’s been having a tough time with work and we were having troubles with finances. I came home one day and he asked if I ever questioned our relationship. I knew it was coming, I googled “how to tell if your boyfriend is going to break up with you” just a few days before. I have not contacted him unless it was something about moving out (we were living together about 8 months and I’ve already moved back into my parent’s house) I have been obsessively scouring the web on ways to get your boyfriend back and it means a lot to me that other people are going through the same thing right now. If you ever need to talk, I am here.
Three weeks ago I had birthday and he said he would celebrate with me. Last minute he cancelled due to work so I was very upset:( After that I asked him to not communicate with me because I am angry at him. We went quite for a weeks and later started being in touch but since that time he’s contact me is much less frequent and he never calls me – just text. But he still writes that he loves me so much and he misses me!! I do not understand his behavior… Please tell me what you think…
We had an amazing relationship, wow amazing.. we connected in ways that no one could understand. When we first met our priorities weren’t so crazy.. I met him after a tragic tragic thing happened with his father… and I met him a month after… we connected right off the bat. Throughout the months we were getting to know each other he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said yes, he’s nothing like anyone I’ve ever known. Respectful, playful, honest, everything you could possibly ask for.. through the months we were dating there was no arguments, nothing, of course little things we got like upset about, but we easily talked about it and knew that it was nothing to break us, it was never serious with us to that extent ever. Now our priorities are more serious with life, we are both 20 and very Mature. Full time jobs but We both take care of the things we need to but we always made sure we made time for each other. we both don’t have social media nothing, which was why our relationship worked soooo great… His job is very busy and I randomly asked him(which I now regret) if being in a relationship was too much for him and he said sometimes yes, very randomly… and I’m still confused.. he said it’s not me, it’s him. That he needs to focus on himself and to take care of his family (he has no children) but of course his mother and sibling..and basically broke it off.. Its been a week…and I’m hurting “if we aren’t meant to be I’ll find my way back to you…” still can’t With that…

Thanks for your reply. To be clear, I wasn't attacking the entire article, just the particular comment. I think you need to be more careful and critical of what type of evidence you cite. Just because Mr Laumann has credentials doesn't make everything he says true (appeal to authority is a logical fallacy). James Watson (a nobel prize laureate) also said that Africans were less genetically less intelligent. Does that make it true? Scientists are also humans and they can have racist or sexist biases. Mr Laumann is obviously sexist. I mean, is there a study which proves that men leave their wives to die alone in nursing homes? That is inaccurate and doesn't reflect reality. Most of the women that I've met in nursing homes were widows whose husbands had died a few years earlier. Most men value their marriages and wouldn't walk out on a 30 plus year marriage for purely sexual reasons. Also, I think it is offensive to imply that men are pigs who care about nothing but sex (why is sex #1 for men and #4 for women?) While good sex is truly important and essential for men, I doubt that it's the #1 factor in long-term relationships.
I reconnected with my ex after four years had gone by we been together now for 6 months the relationship has its ups and downs mostly downs we fight a lot but I love him very much and I want it to work between us he has been pulling back to the point were I’m afraid I’m losing him at first he was with me everyday now I barely see him he doesn’t call when he says he will he doesn’t keep his word it hurts so much so at first I poured my heart out to him over n over again trying to get him to see how much I cared and needed him that made it worse the past few days I’m trying to give him his space keep my mouth shut but it’s so hard I feel so neglected !!!!!!! How long should I give him his space before I confront him ???? This is not ok you can’t be so close to someone then suddenly pull away from them leaving them feelings horrible and rejected!!!!
I was dating this guy I was working with for slightly over a month. It went extremely fast and was very intense- lots of butterflies and passion and warm fuzzies all around. Not all of that time was completely awesome- there were times he’d commit to something and back out after the last minute with an excuse like he had no gas or money to come see me. He would also text me that he felt I didn’t really want what he wanted- a future, white picket fence, etc. I tried to explain (in person) that until we had time to develop to that level that I could say I wanted that (white picket fence) in my life in the future, but I didn’t want to say or commit immediately to something that might turn out to be a lie. We got into a fight a few days after one of those conversations and what was also after a period of time where we didn’t see much of each other aside from work- five days, actually. He couldn’t make it to my house over the weekend for the aforementioned gas/money issue when I tried to make plans, and it turned out I had plans with my best friend (and roommate- no, not a guy) and an out of town guest staying at our place for most of the rest of the week. Anyway, the argument ended when I told him that if he couldn’t respect my autonomy when it came to decisions about my health and body then he could get the f*** out. He took my word for it and told me fine, he was gone. I called and texted him throughout the next day to try and talk things out, but he ignored every attempt to contact him. I was devastated, and also a bit pissed. He texted me after I had already gone to bed later that night. I went out of town the day and didn’t respond to anything he sent me throughout the day until I got home and we proceeded to get into another argument via text. It wasn’t resolved in any kind of manner. He came into work the next day and proceeded to completely ignore that I existed, and close to the end of my shift he went to his (not mine) supervisor and proceeded to accuse a co-worker and I of sabotaging his work. I can honestly say we did no such thing- I didn’t even mention that we had been dating to anyone, let alone that we had broken up. People still knew, mostly cause he couldn’t quit talking about it. Anyway, he walked out of his shift that night. The next night he did acknowledge I existed, and I tried to respond minimally and civilly. He ended up walking out of that shift too, claiming that he was being made fun of every time he entered mine and my-co-workers primary work area. That wasn’t true either- we were joking around and laughing, but not about him at all. They fired him after that. He texted me a day or after basically deriding my character and maintaining his accusations, no matter how much I tried to claim innocence. During this whole “bad” period I had intended to attempt to talk and possibly reconcile with him, but never got a chance while defending my integrity. Another period of time passed- about a week or so, and then he called me asking for some of things back, and I agreed to return them and again attempted to try to talk things out, but he was still convinced I had more or less caused his losing his job. Another week went by, and I texted him merry christmas- responded saying he missed me and knew the breakup was his fault, but made no mention of getting back together, just said he hoped I was doing well and he didn’t want ruin my day by saying anything else. I texted back and tried to express that I wasn’t angry at him and just wanted to know what had happened. That ended with a long text by me that went unanswered until a little over a week later when he texted me asking if I wanted my things. I said yes, and my roommate and I went up to get my things, which he suddenly couldn’t find. He admitted the whole dang thing was his fault and thought I could do better than him- I told him I didn’t want to do that and that I really had just wanted to talk things out if possible. He kissed me a couple different times and the night ended on a hopeful note, though I still didn’t have my things. He texted me on my way back home that he had found my things. I called the next night after I got off work and asked if I could pick them up- he sighed and said it was last time he was gonna see me. I told him that depended, but he hung up at that point. I got my things, and he told me to have a goodnight. I left, and circled back around and asked him if he really thought I gave a s*** about the ‘stuff’- I had made no attempt to get it back and wrote it off as lost. He said he had just taken a job nearer to where I lived so he could see me more easily, and at that point I thought it prudent to mention my roommate had banned him from the house- she owns it and I pay rent, so really, it was up to her. At everything kinda dissolved after that, he said that in that case nothing could go anywhere with us, and accused me of putting myself on ‘the victims side’ of the situation bringing up the whole ordeal from work again. When I asked for clarification about what exactly he meant he said, I quote, “this is bulls***, you can’t even admit it! Goodnight.” And literally left me outside in the cold. I left after that and later texted him asking if he still wanted to be with me despite all the stuff that’s happened up to that point. No answer for a few days now- honestly, I just want to know if I should expect us to be able to work things out or not. I feel heartbroken and like I’m being played at the same time, but I’d take the chance if it were presented all the same. We had what I feel was a highly passionate connection while we were together and I was beginning to fall in love with him. What do you think the chances of getting back together are?
Of course, the best thing that will be missed by guys are the extraordinary love and care that their girlfriends are giving them. If you really want your boyfriend to miss you deeply, then make him fall in love with you deeply. Always give him your tender loving care. Make him happy when he’s sad, be at his side when he needs support, nurse him when he’s sick, understand him when he makes mistakes, be faithful to him, and love him for who he really is.
He may have feelings for you. He probably has very strong feelings for you. He likely is concerned that if the two of you develop a relationship at this time, that he will not act in a mature enough manner and may damage your friendship. If you want to move into a relationship with him, then explain that you know that the both of you care about each other and you are not going to hurt him. Let him know that you trust him not to hurt you. Best of luck, Vicki!

Mr. Right will contact you. After making him wait, you can engage him in a conversation. But remember you must always be the first one to end the contact. Make sure you’re the one to hang up the phone or the one who sends the goodbye or good night text. The goal is to keep him wanting more. If you play hard to get, his desire for you will grow, and he won’t be able to get you off his mind. You’ll have him aching for you more and more. This is especially hard because when he’s being responsive you want to keep the conversation going but it’s really best to stay strong and end the conversation. He’ll be more willing to connect with you again shortly and you’ll have another chance at getting to know him. If you end the conversation first he’s also more likely be the one reaching out to you next.
As soon as your ex starts to miss you, he will start throwing out hints about the two of you meeting up. But if you really want a chance of getting him back into your life for good, you have to decline his invitations initially. Simply let him know you’re not yet ready for a face-to-face meeting, but you will contact him when the time is right. He’ll be on pins and needles waiting for you to finally ring him up and accept his invitation. This will make him miss you even more as he patiently waits for the day he can finally see you again. It’s up to you how long you plan on keeping your distance from him, but generally a month or two is more than enough time to drive him wild and reignite the spark between the two of you. Now the specifics depend on your situation but all you need to do for sure is give it time.
However, for women it is always nice when a guy does the romantic thing and buys you presents etc. So if you have been in a relationship with your man for a while and this is happening to you, then you can also use James Bauer’s questioning technique to get him to realise on another level that he needs to pay attention to you in a more romantic way.
Sometimes the relationship started out well and then over time disintegrated into something that resembles resentment and abuse rather than love or respect.  Sometimes the relationship was never good to begin with, but the woman wants me to show her “relationship magic” to “make it work.”  This is what I equate to trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. (If this situation sounds familiar to you, be sure to read this article on Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.)
I kind of agree with both of you. I get what you mean with your post, Eric, some women just force into a relationship with a person who will never commit simply because he just does not feel the same way about her, and still she tries to push him. But I also agree that we sometimes, being more mature, I don’t know, have to act like if it was a game, knowing the right moves and words because otherwise the guy will freak out and just leave. I’m with a guy for 6 months now and he still is not sure if I’m “the one”, although we always have an amazing time when we’re together. Maybe he’s afraid to lose his freedom, or that I’ll be all jealous and stuff, but it’s very hard to pretend that I’m ok with this situation when all I wanted was a serious and honest conversation, but I have tried that in the past and he thought I was pressing him.
Another reason your man act differently is based on fear. Maybe he’s been hurt in the past. Or maybe the idea of commitment simply petrifies him. If you two can discuss whatever the issue is and begin to deal with it, there’s a good chance that you can then begin to create something real and lasting together. Often, fears crop up in a relationship because a person wants to deal with those doubts and move past them. If you can be a steady, reassuring partner that isn’t pushing too hard, while he deals with what’s scaring him, you two just might build a foundation together.
To do it, don’t call and let him know you are going to be late. Instead, wait about 30 to 45 minutes after you are supposed to be home to send him a message that you are running late at work, or in traffic, or wherever you are. That will be enough time to make him start to wonder where you are and think about you, but not too much time where it will seem rude that you didn’t bother to let him know what was going on.
It is very important to cultivate position communication with your husband or boyfriend. This will make him always confide in you and bring you both closer to each other. Make it easier for him to share with you how he feels by being patient and active listener. You should also come up with a positive way to communicate your feelings to him about how you feel when he acts distant. This will make him realize that he can always talk to you about his personal issues and other problems related to the relationship without affecting the relationship.
I believe a week or maximum of two weeks in the first 6 months or so of getting to know each other is okay – for him to retreat into his man cave. If he’s going for longer than that after the first 6 months of the relationship or continuing to pull away altogether, you’re wasting your time on him. He’s not ready to settle down or simply just not into you, period. Walk away, girlfriend.
A man will be fascinated at seeing a new side of his partner (or crush) and will give her more attention for this pleasant distraction. Even something as minor as a change in hair color can do wonders. The reason why is NOT just because it’s a superficial change in appearance…but rather because you will feel more confident. You will have a sexy new look and can also try sexy new personality traits to go along with it. Want to be feisty for a change? Want to tease him more? Want to gently push his buttons and get him flustered? A change in appearance or in lifestyle will get his attention quickly.
I had a guy start chatting with me from a dating site for a few day, but we never talk on the phone. The last day we chatted he didn’t talk as much as the other days. My issue with men is they just want to talk about sex and I refuse because if that is all they want, then that is all it is, in my opinion. So the last day we were not able to meet in the afternoon per his request which I don’t normally do and he mentions maybe tomorrow which was Friday. He was usually first to send a text but I hadn’t heard from him and sent a late morning text. Good morning, how are you? No response Friday or Saturday and then later on Sunday he texted me, which, I ignored the texts he sent. Then two days later he sends another text like 3 of them. Stating, I guess you don’t want to talk to me but none of his texts explain why he disappear or tried in any way explaining is absentance. So many men are married on these sites, or just looking for sex, and so many are talking to several women at the same time. My problem was he wasn’t available on Friday or Saturday a common date night and he totally disrespected me, I felt. I have never had a guy to do that to me. I also am quite frustrated with men as it is. I’m older and old fashion and believe a man should respect a women. Was I wrong to call him out on this?

Understanding that you do not need a man in order to be the best version of yourself is crucial. Loving yourself and doing exactly what makes you happy is key, which means that you need to know how to be happy alone. When you have this type of mentality, you will be able to spot red flags instantly and become more admirable. If a man wants to be with you, he will make it known throughout the relationship. He will make it known in healthy ways of properly courting you. He’s not going to send you the late night 11 pm or 1 am text for you to come over and “watch a movie.”


This is one of the best comments I’ve read here Shirley. While I don’t think these articles are trying to blame us for the reason why men pull away. They do always seem to be like “oh he’ll come around”. Maybe in the land of unicorns and rainbows he will. In reality if the guy has made up his mind that they don’t want to be with you anymore no amount of space will make him change it. My ex ain’t coming back to me after his vanishing act. Was seeing him for a few months. Everything was fine until I didn’t want to have sex on the couch when he wanted me to after that I didn’t hear too much from him. Is he coming back to me? Probably not. Not unless he can’t find anything better. I wasn’t needy in that relationship. I only got pissed off when I hadn’t heard from him in a few weeks which I thought was a bit out of character. Then I tried to find out what was up and got zilch. His silence spoke pretty loudly.
All these women saying “thank you for the tips” and tolerating being turned on and off at guy’s whims just because “they are like that”, “they need space” “they need to deal with one thing at a time”. Come on!! We deserve better than that. We deserve a mature person next to us, not a whimsical child-man that from his enormous ego (like many kids have) can’t see how their actions impact on those who love him and care about him.

3.5 years ago he was my friend.we have 100s of mutual friend from school.We shared every thing we eat everyday how close friend we were.we met sometimes.I falled in love with him after 3 months of friendship.I felt so much pain inside because of insecurity because he did not know i am in love.After many thought oneday i told him that I am in love with u so badly.That day he said “Dont misunderstand me.I never said I love u.This is my last and final message to u.” Then he blocked me from every social media.


So often women get caught up with forcing the men in their lives to do what they want they fail to find suitable time to establish of that is what they too really want deep down. Time is spent scheming, evaluating and charting plans of action that they dream will end in a lifelong commitment that they faail to think ahead if they will be truly happy. Having him commit is one asoect of it but what about you? Do you really want the commitment? Is he what you want or are you motivated to have him commit simply because he wasn't a willing candidate. You see like men, women are just as competitive, we sometimes want simply because we cannot have. Look at the relationship and outline why you want him to commit and see if your reasons are justified.
3.5 years ago he was my friend.we have 100s of mutual friend from school.We shared every thing we eat everyday how close friend we were.we met sometimes.I falled in love with him after 3 months of friendship.I felt so much pain inside because of insecurity because he did not know i am in love.After many thought oneday i told him that I am in love with u so badly.That day he said “Dont misunderstand me.I never said I love u.This is my last and final message to u.” Then he blocked me from every social media.

In my personal life, I meet all sorts of people.  Some people are easy and fun to be around … I can spend hours with them, talking about things, laughing about things, and just genuinely enjoying their company. Being around them doesn’t require effort and I don’t want anything from them. I would have just as much fun driving in the car with them and chatting as I would doing something “exciting.”
×