Even though this one may be hard to swallow because we value ourselves so highly as women and no one likes a blow to the ego or rejection, it’s important to talk about. Often times a man will show you signals of commitment but not want to commit to getting to know you. There are two principal reasons for this. Either they just don’t have interest in you and don’t want to hurt your feelings, or you fell in love too easily and they lost interest in the chase of getting their “prize”. I will go deeper into the meaning of the chase and the “prize” as we move along this article.
See, here’s the thing. When you’re contemplating on how to get him to commit, know that forcing someone to do something they aren’t ready or willing to do doesn’t really work in real life. All you will get is exactly the opposite of what you wanted – him dumping your ass and running in the other direction. Forcing your opinions can make you seem clingy, dominating or too demanding. And you don’t want him to think you’re like that, do you? You can mention about commitment a few times and then just drop that topic. If he didn’t give you a clear cut response in the past, then he may not give you a clear cut response now.

This is an important point to mention, because men who persist in overtly negative behavior in your presence are antagonizing you. They’re testing you to see whether you will tolerate being taken for granted or if you’re going to call them on it. A woman of class and self-respect WILL walk away, because she’s not interested in any man that gives her less than 100% of his full attention.

Knowing he can coexist with his girlfriend is the key to answering how to make him want to commit. The weekend will also show that spending time with you alone isn’t something he should be afraid of. At the end of the weekend he’ll be happy as he had great time, and when he comes back to the hustle and bustle of the city, he will definitely miss that weekend.
Be mysterious and surprising. If you are a complete open book when you first meet a guy, it won’t leave him with anything to be surprised by. Instead, you should tell an interesting fact about yourself each time you get together. This will leave your guy wanting to hear more about you, and waiting to find out what new thing he'll learn next. Be spontaneous with him. If you usually go to dinner for dates, invite him on an adventure like rock climbing one day. This spontaneity will excite him and keep him guessing at what you’ll want to do next.
My boyfriend and I were together for almost three years. We were pretty much a power couple, he was my first boyfriend, and he was 7 years older than me. Everyone who knew him before I met him, constantly told me he is so much better and happier with me and had never seen him treating anyone like a queen like he was treating me. He was good looking and smart and he knew it. We met each other at work, he was trying to move out of his apartment because he did not like his roommates, and he wanted to go back to school. We were on a break after us talking to each other for about 3 months because he wanted to focus on himself and just pick up shifts, make money, and get out of that apartment. We were still speaking to each other, one thing lead to another, with my help, we moved him out and he got his new apartment. Few months later, when I thought we are still just friends he told me he loves me, like 3 times until I stopped pretending like I am not hearing him. We started becoming more public about our relationship. He was so kind and loving and he did every single thing he could to make me feel special. He was so respectful and considerate. He would even come help my mother with some of the manlier things around the house. However recently I quit my job, which lead to us seeing each other less, and during the summer I was out of school, and so I became very clingy and needy and constantly nagging so he would hang out with me, because I was bored when I really should’ve picked up a hobby or something. We did try to take a course together online when I told him I don’t want to do online class, and I went on a vacation with my friend for a week after being gone for a month visiting family abroad. That really upset him, he failed the first exam and ended up dropping the course which cost him a lot of money too. So just being more in debt than before, and having a nagging girlfriend who kept trying to push herself on him and became more and more protective and paid more attention to him so she would get more attention, got annoying. He kept saying that all we do is argue now, and I kept saying it is always over the same thing, I just want to see you more. Anyways, 2 weeks ago he asked for some time and space, I got mad, then resulted in a break then a break up!! All in matter of like 30 minutes because I was livid and confused. I thought everything was great. He said he feels like he is not good enough for me, I made life so easy for him he was letting go of himself and becoming lazy. Which really pissed me off because last time we took a break while he moved out he said that same thing but then 5 months later telling me he loved me he said he didnt mean any of that. I am a very very hardworking woman, type A, I even made a to do list and plan of attack for both of us every day, so I know if he was even being lazy it was because he was just being lazy and had nothing to do with me.
When I was younger I always used to real men in and then cast them back out. So when I was with them I was fun, talked about them more than me and didn’t ever nag them but as soon as the day/night ended I wouldn’t call or text (or even really think about them) til they got back in touch. Men love women like that. Since having kids and now being single again it’s not quite so easy due to lack of spare time and me worrying that each person isn’t going to be good enough for the rest of my life, but after reading this I need to get back on track with my old ways. When I was in a relationship I was exactly the same and would never expect them to do boring things like shopping or visiting my mums house for dinner and I wouldn’t gatecrash their family events. I’d encourage them to go and see friends but they end up wanting to be with you more then .

I’ve been separated for 2 years now and was always trying to read about relationships, and understand what went wrong in my situation. So one after another, and onother so so book purchase lead me finally to your book! I pushed myself and finally started dating again. I’m dating this guy for one month now and your articles are absolutely priceless and of a high value to me! I would even really like to have a session of your advice in person, if it’s possible:), maybe you visit Boston any time soon?:)

I was with my GF for almost 6 yrs she’s 21 I’m 23, i was planning on proposing next yr after she graduated college, I’m not in college i work so our time line is a bit off, we’ve both have hurt each other before but we always seemed to patch it up and stuff and i really do feel like i Love her and she’s the one and she’s told me before that she wants to marry me and stuff. Point is she asked for a break up about 2 weeks ago saying they’re was plenty from her party missing and that she can’t have me going 100% and her giving 50% i get it we got to together when she was 16 and i was 18 so we are all we e known, she also is very stressed with school and said she wants to handle her time better and she wants to work on herself and me being in Love I’m hurt i mean i understand but I’m hurt, I’ll admit i haven’t been the best bf but the last couple of yrs I’ve been the absolute best I’m so considerate I’m so nice I’m so focused on her needs but i guess that’s not enough for her to want some space becuase she says she needs to work on herself. I’m trying to do the no contact thing i try i go 2 days and bam i call her i don’t cry but i do tell her that i miss her and she’s says she misses me too but that she stands by the break up and that she wants space. I know i should just give her space maybe to finish out her school and graduate and maybe if she still has love for me after maybe try it again? It just sucks becuase she is my Bestfriend and i do everything with her but i know that she wants to do stuff without me and maybe is just tired of having to answer to somebody which i get and i know i have to work on myself i get it becuase woman want a strong men a guy who doesn’t break when things get down and wants a confident guy which i know i can be better at.
Build yourself up emotionally; accept how he has come to “view himself”; but, whatever you do, don’t allow yourself to succumb to his self serving subtle bigotry. Cry, if you must, but please don’t try to hold on to him. And, by the grace of God get out sooner than later while your children don’t really know the difference. He isn’t going to get better… . He knows what he is doing; so, you must learn what you must do for you and your children. Put a plan in place…contact a domestic violence shelter. Here is a good book to read. It’s entitled, “I Closed My Eyes.”
But FACT is that you have 2 choices (regardless of whether he’s a jerk and blowing you off, or if he genuinely cares about you and just needs space), you can chase after him demanding answers, or you can just breathe and get your own space, some me-time, rejuvinate yourself, get happy again outside of him. In time he will either disappear, never to be seen again, or he will come back. The point is that either way you will be fine because you’re happy anyway. This compared to chasing him, hunting him down, where you lose yourself in trying to get him/get answers/get even <– this is not healthy, and you end up sadder than if you just let go.
I can see exactly where i have pushed when he’s clearly been pulling away, but i wonder if I’ve pushed too hard and now blown my chances , or if he just wasn’t that into me and didn’t want to let me down? It’s been 9 days since i replied to him and have decided to take this advice, give him some space and look into other options, i hope he will be back in touch, but im trying to be realistic about the fact it’s a bit of a lost cause.

It has been proven that people appreciate the things that they invest in. For example, you’re more likely to fall in love and take better care of an expensive handbag if it took you 12 months worth of savings to purchase it. But for the purse your cousin gifted you for your 21st birthday, it stays crammed in the back of your closet. You didn’t have to work very hard to obtain it, so it doesn’t hold the same type of sentimental value to you. The same principal applies to relationships. People care more when they put more effort into their relationships, so if you want your guy to commit, you have to get him to invest in you!
Sound familiar? If yes, then you need to stop interrupting him and start listening. We all aren’t always in the mood for listening someone, and find our stories more interesting. However, what he tells you about childhood, work, friends and coworkers speaks a lot about him. You can easily conclude who he is deep within. Instead of interrupting and talking about yourself you can ask him if he would like to have a dog in the future.
Guys are going to naturally cycle between wanting intimacy and wanting independence. Trying to guess the reason is impossible – some guys want space to reflect on the relationship, some (insecure) guys want space because their friends make fun of them for being “too whipped”, some guys want space because they need time alone to clear their heads and gain clarity in life.
Women have an innate desire to be heard and understood. They want a partner who will listen to them without judgment and who will create an environment where they feel comfortable expressing vulnerability. Some of the best relationship advice for men is learning to master the skill of empathy. There are many ways to be empathetic, which include active listening, suspending any judgment or preconceived notions you may have about a given situation and putting yourself in her shoes, and showing positive body language to let her know that you’re engaged in the conversation.
Actions do speak louder than words and when it comes to communication with your man, up to 85% comes from your body language. It’s normally the physical draw that gets the conversation going. When it comes to the chemistry, it’s the pheromones that certain people are drawn to. Researchers believe this is what makes people want more after the first signs of physical attraction.

Im not gonna brag but my momma gave birth to a beauty and I can’t hide it on my worst day. I’m intelligent, sweet and spicy saucy, intuitive. I work out and have a very nice natural body and no im not in my 20’s or 30’s either. everywhere i go almost everyday i get noticed by men and women alike. ive come to the conclusion that some of these me DO NOT BELIEVE THEY DESERVE A FINE ASS WOMAN such as myself. I know this because, with a couple of them they went for the woman who had less requirements and lower standards. they were I won’t say ugly, but i mean if we’re being honest, they were not a woman I could have been compared to. i hate saying this because beauty is in the eye of the beholder and we are born with what we have. i don’t say what i said to sound rude, but all women don’t look the same just like all men are not 220 with perfect abs full head of hair and perfect teeth and gorgeous blue eyes etc. plus one of them even told me he couldn’t give me what i was looking for. and he was probably right after hindsight. i do want a man who can afford a car, and i do want a man who is willing to call me and not use texting as much. i do want a man who isn’t hung up on his druggie ex girlfriend and I do want a man who can get his own place to live. yeah now that i think about it he was right.
Hi I was engaged to my fiance for 11 years and things were going great until last July when he left me. In September I heard that he was seeing another woman that devastated me they split up in November, in December just before Xmas he contact me saying that he missed me and wanted to work things out, 2 weeks later he went cold on me yet again I was left heartbroken. Towards the end of January he turned up on my doorstep and asked if he could talk about getting back together; this time he took me out on dates and said that we would take things slowly I agreed. It is now the middle of February and he said to me that he needs space a week later I messaged him to see if he was ok and he did not reply back for hours saying that he ok. I am stuck in limbo as he has gone cold again I don’t know what to do anymore?
I met in 2007 in the United States, I’m in Canada we met at a concert and for me, as soon as I saw him I knew I loved him. We hit it off and within a few weeks I was going to the states to visit him, we started dating and I was so happy, but because of the distance and him not being able to cross the boarder to come up and see me( he tried once) due to felonies in the states, I wasn’t able to go every weekend. He started to go down a bad path and got into drugs, I was always there for him even tho I didn’t know the extent of what he was doing. I told him I loved him, and he freaked out, we drifted apart and I was hurt.
I was with my GF for almost 6 yrs she’s 21 I’m 23, i was planning on proposing next yr after she graduated college, I’m not in college i work so our time line is a bit off, we’ve both have hurt each other before but we always seemed to patch it up and stuff and i really do feel like i Love her and she’s the one and she’s told me before that she wants to marry me and stuff. Point is she asked for a break up about 2 weeks ago saying they’re was plenty from her party missing and that she can’t have me going 100% and her giving 50% i get it we got to together when she was 16 and i was 18 so we are all we e known, she also is very stressed with school and said she wants to handle her time better and she wants to work on herself and me being in Love I’m hurt i mean i understand but I’m hurt, I’ll admit i haven’t been the best bf but the last couple of yrs I’ve been the absolute best I’m so considerate I’m so nice I’m so focused on her needs but i guess that’s not enough for her to want some space becuase she says she needs to work on herself. I’m trying to do the no contact thing i try i go 2 days and bam i call her i don’t cry but i do tell her that i miss her and she’s says she misses me too but that she stands by the break up and that she wants space. I know i should just give her space maybe to finish out her school and graduate and maybe if she still has love for me after maybe try it again? It just sucks becuase she is my Bestfriend and i do everything with her but i know that she wants to do stuff without me and maybe is just tired of having to answer to somebody which i get and i know i have to work on myself i get it becuase woman want a strong men a guy who doesn’t break when things get down and wants a confident guy which i know i can be better at.

One such expert is James Bauer, an experienced dating and relationship coach. Not only does he know exactly why men do this, but as a result of so many of his female clients coming to him with this very problem, he has also developed a very effective solution that he has taught to hundreds of women who are now having the relationship success they deserve.
Getting him to commit to your relationship will be much more difficult if you keep nagging him about the same old things, over and over again. This is one of the major things you want to avoid if you are asking yourself the question how to get him to commit to you. There is nothing more annoying for a man than a whiny, spoiled woman who doesn’t stop nagging him about every single thing. If you are doing it all the time, stop it. The only thing you will achieve ios driving him up the wall or away from you. Making him run away from you will make your job twice as hard. Instead, embrace the new tactic. Let him loose a bit, and that doesn’t have to mean he can cheat or do what he wants. No. Just find another way to word out what you are bothered with, and sometimes being silent is golden as he will be wondering what is on your mind. If you still don’t know how to get him to commit, we got one more trick up our sleeve.
I might feel a bit regret for loving him that i feel heartbroken now..But whatever it is, the days we spent together was really one of the happiest moment in my life so i never regretted every moment of it. Bad news is, i find it hard to move on.. like seriously am i obsessed with him now? it feels like hopes are there you know, and its not giving up. i just wanted to talk to him. A single hey from him would make my year, but it seems like impossible. *sigh* life…

“I feel great that I’m hearing from you again”…is that a joke? You DON’T feel great that they treat you like that. Don’t be a doormat, it’s NOT OK to leave someone hanging, & saying that just allows them to get away with that kind of behaviour and think shelving you like a toy til they feel like playing with you again is OK. You’re better off acting disinterested & telling them flat out sorry but I’m not into that kinda thing, so you’ll have to put more effort in if you want me to stick around or I’m just going to assume you’re not interested and move on with my life. Do not allow people to treat you that way and reward bad behaviour by getting excited & happy they suddenly decide to return. Be true to yourself.
Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?
I felt like the guy I was seeing was pulling away from me because we worked different shifts, but in the beginning we would find time to chill or I would find a way to see him, even though some times I wasn’t lucky because he has kids too or needed sleep from his hectic schedule. I recently texted him that I was stepping back to give him some space, but I haven’t heard from him. We went out on one date and even Netflix and chilled on several occasions, but when I brought that we haven’t done much he claimed he had to get adjusted to his new schedule and sleep pattern, but sometimes slip up and tell me he had gone out, went to hang out at a party, etc… I feel like I should hit him up and explain why I texted him that but part of me feels like I should leave it alone and see if he comes back naturally…..how do I get over this feeling
Hi I was engaged to my fiance for 11 years and things were going great until last July when he left me. In September I heard that he was seeing another woman that devastated me they split up in November, in December just before Xmas he contact me saying that he missed me and wanted to work things out, 2 weeks later he went cold on me yet again I was left heartbroken. Towards the end of January he turned up on my doorstep and asked if he could talk about getting back together; this time he took me out on dates and said that we would take things slowly I agreed. It is now the middle of February and he said to me that he needs space a week later I messaged him to see if he was ok and he did not reply back for hours saying that he ok. I am stuck in limbo as he has gone cold again I don’t know what to do anymore?
It is possible that he is busy, especially if his business is very important to him. If you want to spend more time with him, then share your feelings with him directly and honestly. It is certain that he will attempt to spend more time with you if he is able. If he is not able, but you need to be around him more, then be sure to let him know that you are having concerns about the lack of time that you spend together. Whatever you do, continue to remain positive and mindful as you move forward. Best of luck, Tarryn!

Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests. On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner. Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and possibly make him run away.

I was in a friends with benifits relationship and after a couple of months i told him i loved him i knew he didnt feel that way for me but i was ok with it . We spent alot of time together alot of sex and got on a rutine i would stay over night one day a week and we did dinner and drinks watch games etc i thought things were great. Then he needed space blew me off for the weekend and now barly talks to me he is 54 and in am 47 at our age we know what we want but i do love him and just dont know what to do i tried to talk to him and he just says he needs space.. do you think he is not coming back? Do you think hes scared ? I dont know what to do

You have given the best advice that I have ever read from any article or book out there and trust I have read MANY. I see where I have been going wrong with my relationships and I see that I am putting too much of what I want them to be for me in it. I see where my negative thoughts have failed me and how I can go about changing me to be a better me for a relationship. Your views are so on point and I completely understand exactly where you are coming from. I will continue to read and reread your advice until I get myself where I need to be physically and emotionally. I definitely dont live in the moment with the man I have been with and I have gotten the I dont want a relationship thing from him but I definitely see where I went wrong because this man was interested in me from the beginning and he is still here. So I see where I went wrong. I see where I need to change just from reading your articles. I am seeing clearly. Now just to adjust my behavior and actions. I believe I will see a change in him. You cant expect people to change if you dont change yourself first… Thanks for all the great advice :)
He got mad over something stupid and he broke the car window. And blamed me and ever since it’s been messed up he says he never wNts to be w me and he told someone that he feels like he wants to shoot himself aNd that I am controlling I don’t mean to come off like that he has sat and sun off thats a ll the time for my kid and I to spend time w him. What do I do he tells my kid their is nothing to do about it plz I can’t loose him
You can do this as a bit of a tease for your boyfriend. In this modern age, it’s so easy to just text or call your loved one. To make your boyfriend miss you, wait for a while to respond to him. Give him some time to yearn for a reply. That will make him miss you and want to talk to you even more. In other case, he might instantly want to meet you as he misses you too much.
"Be more assertive if you're interested in a guy. Sometimes reading signals from women feels a bit like reading brail if you're not blind. There are a lot of ways a girl can show she's interested without going overboard, like a subtle touch or giving a little extra attention at a party. If a guy knows you're interested there's a big chance he'll become interested too." Josh F
If you’re going through this situation right now, don’t worry, you’re not alone. Getting a guy to commit seems like one of the hardest things in the world. We’ve all heard stories about men being commitment-phobes who are deathly afraid of having their independence ripped away for them, so you can’t really blame the guy for dragging his feet when it comes to locking you down, can you?
Hi my name is Tiffany. I have been with my man for over three years. The last year we fought a lot and I always found things such as him sexting other women and eventually I just broke down got depressed and felt like he was cheating on me when I didn’t know if he really was becuase he would tell me he wasn’t. I have a child with him and another on the way. We live together and he won’t break the lease. He broke up with me saying he was just tired of it and just knows how to get in my head to where I feel so hurt and upset and hate myself for doubting him when I even catch him in lies. Now I find myself still loving him and wanting him back so bad but I’m always hurt and sad becuase whenever this man does stuff that makes me happy then next he doesn’t realize how much he hurt me…im terrified he’s gunna see other woman and since I live with him and have his children it will kill me but he doesnt understand that. Since he broke up with me I have no right to say who he sees but it will make me feel like I was nothing to him! That I will feel like I’ve lost all hope of being with him. He says he loves me but not in love with me. He gives me kisses sometimes but then ttys to not give me the wrong idea. I need help and o know it’s all toxic but I don’t know what to do!! I hurt so much! With a one year old and a baby on the way I’m so emotion and can’t think. I love this man so much but I feel if he dates another woman he’s gone forever and I’ll be all alone with his children while we go back and forth for our kids to see me and him I two seperate households. And what if he fell in love with someone else and had kids with them? I’d die! I don’t know what to do…i want to be with him and I know he still does lovable things for me but I feel like it leads me on…and since we live together I can’t have no contact with him. And each time he hides his phone to text I feel like he’s already talking to other woman and just won’t tell me. Someone please help…
We’ve been together for 7 months but I broke up with him 5 days ago, I did it before but I begged him to take me back instantly, this time I’m not gonna beg or talk to him because I know he took me for granted and I don’t want that. He didn’t even read my break up message yet.. how will I know if he misses me when he naturally doesn’t text very fast (which is the reason for our break up) and not on social media much + there is no contact between us??
As humans, we value things we need to work for, and if something we work for suddenly gets pulled away, it drives us crazy. So while he might have thought he could coast along, texting you to get together whenever it was convenient for him, you’ve made it clear that you value yourself more than that. He will need to work hard to be in your world…and your cool and collected response makes him want to.
Even if you're anxiously awaiting their call, you shouldn't be available every time they want to see you. "You want to create something worth investing in and make them realize your value," Trespicio says. "If you're always waiting around, they won't feel the need to try that hard." (That's also one of the skills you can learn from open relationships—even if you're monogamous.)
I watched the episode of The Big Bang Theory, where Amy wanted to strengthen Sheldon’s feelings toward her, so she made him his favorite meal, favorite strawberry shake, and played Super Mario music. Therefore, I wanted to try this and evoke my boyfriend’s childhood positive feelings so he could associate them with me. I prepared meatloaf with spinach, his favorite chocolate cake and we played his childhood video game. And this actually worked! Find out what he was most happy about during childhood, and surprise him.
My boyfriends mother passed away 5 months ago he took it really hard.we have been together for 3 years we had planned to get married and have a baby.I came home from work one day and he said it was over. No fight because we never fight. He said he wanted to go to school and better himself but he had to do it alone. We talked in the beginning. I decided to do no contact after 4 days he texted wanting to see me for lunch. Everything went well a couple days later I asked to go to dinner. After we went to dinner I tried to put the moves on him. After being shot down he left. He texted me the next day saying he had fun. Feeling rejected I decided to go back to no contact. It’s been 9 days and nothing. However he saw a friend of mine the other night and talked about how he misses me and my son. He told her we still talk and see each other.

I am dating a guy in a distance relationship for about three months, at the beggining we felt unbelievable connection soulmate like, he said he wants to marry and have children, he was caring and sweet (flowers, gifts, lots of time together). However I know he cheated on me at the very beginning of dating (I forgived him because that was very fresh relation).
Now, I want to make this very clear: I am not saying you must be a certain weight or go out of your way to be a certain way to fit some societal idea of what is right. I am not saying this. I am simply being honest about how men are going to be the most attracted to you when you are in the best shape for you. I am talking about doing the best with your unique body shape that you can. healthy is hot. Again, healthy not emaciated or unhealthy. Try to invest time in what you eat and add some light working out to your routine. You will feel and look your best.
Im not gonna brag but my momma gave birth to a beauty and I can’t hide it on my worst day. I’m intelligent, sweet and spicy saucy, intuitive. I work out and have a very nice natural body and no im not in my 20’s or 30’s either. everywhere i go almost everyday i get noticed by men and women alike. ive come to the conclusion that some of these me DO NOT BELIEVE THEY DESERVE A FINE ASS WOMAN such as myself. I know this because, with a couple of them they went for the woman who had less requirements and lower standards. they were I won’t say ugly, but i mean if we’re being honest, they were not a woman I could have been compared to. i hate saying this because beauty is in the eye of the beholder and we are born with what we have. i don’t say what i said to sound rude, but all women don’t look the same just like all men are not 220 with perfect abs full head of hair and perfect teeth and gorgeous blue eyes etc. plus one of them even told me he couldn’t give me what i was looking for. and he was probably right after hindsight. i do want a man who can afford a car, and i do want a man who is willing to call me and not use texting as much. i do want a man who isn’t hung up on his druggie ex girlfriend and I do want a man who can get his own place to live. yeah now that i think about it he was right.
The ironic thing about playing hard to get is that it can work, but it’ll work on the wrong kind of guy. If the only reason he’s into you is that you’re hard to catch, what will you do once he’s caught you? You can’t stay in the limbo phase of the relationship forever. If a guy isn’t interested in the authentic you, playing the enigmatic mystery girl will only work for a brief period of time.
Women have an innate desire to be heard and understood. They want a partner who will listen to them without judgment and who will create an environment where they feel comfortable expressing vulnerability. Some of the best relationship advice for men is learning to master the skill of empathy. There are many ways to be empathetic, which include active listening, suspending any judgment or preconceived notions you may have about a given situation and putting yourself in her shoes, and showing positive body language to let her know that you’re engaged in the conversation.
Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?
Answer: Stop being so aggressive. The more you push, the more he is going to pull away. Give him some space to figure stuff out without all the questions and accusations. If you push him too far, you are going to lose him. If you take some of the pressure off, he may just find his way back to you. [Read: 20 glaring signs you have a control freak in you]

I think you’re focusing WAY too much on him and what he’s feeling. You’re focusing on the fear you have of losing him rather than focusing on your happiness. You have to ask yourself how you feel about yourself in this relationship as is. Do you feel your confidence, or do you feel insecure? No man is worth being with if you feel insecure. And if you do feel it, you have to change your dynamic and approach so you can get that confidence back. A man LOVES a confident woman, and you’ll feel better about yourself being confident, anyway. The way to get confident and attract him or any other man to you is by focusing on YOURSELF. You need to make sure you’re happy on your own before you can be happy with a man. This doesn’t mean you need to be single to get happy—just have a fulfilling life for yourself outside of a man. Don’t let him be the ONLY valuable thing or person you have in your life. You need to be excited about more in your day than your bf. You have to have other things going for you that make you happy. Once you can sustain happiness without the need of a man, you’ll have your confidence and this will be attractive to other men (and possibly your ex). The key is to not lose the focus on YOU even when you do get into a relationship or the relationship deepens. NEVER lose sight of your happiness. You need to continue having a fulfilling life outside of HIM. Once you start losing that grasp on yourself and get more caught up within the relationship, you’ll start to depend on him for your happiness—and he’ll withdraw again. Even if he withdrew for other reasons, chasing after him as if you can’t live without him will only push him away further. If he is a good man who is emotionally available and TRULY wants you, I promise he will come back. You don’t chase him, you don’t contact him. Let him contact you. Give him the chance to miss you. This can take anywhere from a couple weeks to a year or more. It’s however long it takes him to miss you, IF he truly wants you (took my guy 8 months). In the meantime, you don’t wait on him. You focus on yourself and getting your happiness and confidence. Fill your life with people and hobbies you love. Try new things you haven’t tried before. Change jobs if the one you have makes you miserable. Do what you need to do to give yourself a fulfilling life. Make sure you have your days full of plans so you don’t give yourself the chance to sit and mope about your breakup. That’s not going to help you. You need to show yourself how great life can be, even if he’s not in it. If he never reaches out, then he doesn’t truly want you—and why would you want someone who doesn’t want you as much as you want them? Don’t wait around for him. Focus on you. He will come back if he truly wants you, and you have to continue to focus on yourself even if he does. If he doesn’t come back, you’re going to be fine because you’re nurturing your happiness and confidence. PLEASE don’t lose sight of yourself, ever. It’s your golden ticket to happiness and to a great man who will love and respect you.


It has been proven that people appreciate the things that they invest in. For example, you’re more likely to fall in love and take better care of an expensive handbag if it took you 12 months worth of savings to purchase it. But for the purse your cousin gifted you for your 21st birthday, it stays crammed in the back of your closet. You didn’t have to work very hard to obtain it, so it doesn’t hold the same type of sentimental value to you. The same principal applies to relationships. People care more when they put more effort into their relationships, so if you want your guy to commit, you have to get him to invest in you!
Sadly, too many men feel ashamed of themselves to feel worthy of a relationship and of raising children. I’ve heard and read this first-hand. I don’t understand it, but I very much believe it, especially after watching poor boys being berated and cursed by their single mothers — routinely — as “stupid”, “good-for-nothing”, “n*****”, and far worse. I cannot imagine the scars left by words like that *from their own parent*, usually accompanied by gestures and tones of voice that treat the child like intrusive trash. Maybe even more important is the inability of many men to hold jobs and to cultivate careers. Since the eighties, jobs and opportunities (for high school graduates) are truly constricted, and while some men will definitely overcome the odds, the fact is that it is impossible for all men to find the types of middle-class jobs American men thrived on yesteryear.

I garnered that a lot of guys mature late. But he’s 62 perhaps now 63. How late can he get to realize what he wants. And if he still acts unclearly about how he wants to take things with you, then I bet that’s how he wants it to be with you. I’m not a 62 year old guy so I can’t clearly shed light on what your man is really thinking but considering the fact that he has not been married nor had any serious relationship before, then i am 75 percent sure he wouldn’t have one anytime soon. Perhaps what he’s looking for is companionship with benefits and he found that with you. But if you two did finally hit it off, then may your bonds grow stronger.

You think you desire something serious with this particular person—but before you do anything else, be sure you actually want to commit to him or her. Step back and ask yourself the following questions, Trespicio suggests: Do I have fun with them? Is my mood elevated when I'm with them? Do I feel good about myself after we part ways? Do they improve my life? Do I feel respected?
"Be more assertive if you're interested in a guy. Sometimes reading signals from women feels a bit like reading brail if you're not blind. There are a lot of ways a girl can show she's interested without going overboard, like a subtle touch or giving a little extra attention at a party. If a guy knows you're interested there's a big chance he'll become interested too." Josh F
Earlier this year. I had gone to Europe to visit my friend. On my way back I stopped in Dubai while in transit to catch flight back home. I went into my Tinder app. Matched with a guy who later began chatting with me. Long story short. He and chatted in for a month. It was cool but hadnt expected to go anywhere as I’m live in South Africa and he an American lived amd worked in the middle east. In that month of our chats I lost my job which was such a big blow to me. He had taken a liking to me so much that he wanted me to visit him in the US all expenses paid. Very hesitant initially but decided to take the plunge. Didn’t get the US visa in time so we decided to meet in Dubai for a few days as thier visa process was faster. Flights booked and paid for. Visa ready. Just has to travel. By this stage he was so into me. He even said hesees me innocent his future and wants a life with me. Promised to look after me financially in my time of unemployment. I had no expectations of this statement. So is great. He sent me money regularly to for support which was very kind. So I went to Dubai he had booked us into a great hotel. Day 1 was lovely. Day 2 was ok started becoming very distant. Day 3. Left me entire day in hotel alone came back 2am. Day 4 ignored me all day until I had to catch flight home late that day. When asked. Just says im dealing with unexpected stuff. That’s it. So im like what must i do or can I help you through it. Just said he needs time. Distant and dismissive. Felt like an irritation to me for those days. I’m heartbroken. I was so accommodating. I got back home amd he didn’t bother to ask If I got home ok. So my question is whether or not what must i do
Men are always more attracted to women who seem successful, independent (in career and in personal interests) and who are “busier” than average. This immediately shows a man you can handle yourself and your own issues, and you don’t “need” him to save you. The fact that you’re busy all the time shows high value – he really has to try to get your attention!
For instance, tell him that you need some time to work on your individual goals, and that requires you to be alone and have some quiet time to think. Or, you can do what my friend does. She credits going out of town once a month to a weekend yoga retreat as very important to her spiritual health. Since her husband is not into yoga or spirituality, he has no desire to come along and doesn’t get offended because he knows that she finds it important to rebalance and be a better person and wife in general. But, he is reminded of how important she is in his life when she goes, and he misses her presence every time she has to go away.
If you harp on him and pester him to talk to you and open up he will see you as another source of stress in his life and will pull away even more. This creates a vicious cycle of you pushing him, him pulling back, you pushing more, and on and on until he either distances himself from you entirely or the relationship continues with an underlying tension. You can’t force someone to open up to you, especially when it comes to difficult emotional topics. You can invite them to open up, but you can’t badger them into it.
Hi, I was dating a guy for only two months. We had the most amazing time together and a great connection. On date 6 we confided in each other about our traumatic pasts. We had incredibly amazing intimacy and fantastic dates. By date #8 I could tell that he was starting to fall for me. On date #9 he freaked out and told me that he had absolutely no concerns regarding our relationship and that he had no doubt about our connection and that if we continued to see each other we would have a wonderful relationship. The fear that he was having is that I have a 5 year old son. I’m 33, he’s 31 and an attorney. He wants children, but said he is not ready to have a child in his life. I was not pushing anything and he was putting pressure onto himself. I told him that I was trying to focus on the present and that I was not ready for him to be a part of that either. I just wanted things to progress naturally. He had not even met my son. He ended things after our last date without giving us a chance. We are not in contact and it’s been a week. Is there any hope for this situation?
Love your blog!! My boyfriend and I recently broke up after our vegas trip which we took for new years everything was so amazing up until the day before we left… then all hell broke loose he told me once we get home to go grab all my stuff from his house never contact him ever again to just leave him alone because he wants to start the new year single and just focus on him self…we’ve had many break ups before but I know deep down he has a very soft heart and has a super soft spot for me only knowing this because I was the only women who ever took so much care of him and gave him so much attention and love and spoiled him…first!! When we landed he was happy the same day we landed was my birthday…and I had got and huge cold within the 2 day time frame so once we landed I drove him home and no everything was fine laughing talking normal when I dropped him off he came to my window and kissed my hand and said feel better and walked away….so I drove off went home….the next day I was super sick with a cold still he came over with a bag of my stuff…an box of tissues….and a birthday cake which made me cry then sang me happy birthday by my bed and let me blow out the candles…we shared a peice and then he went home but just before he left i said i have the body wash and conditioner you can take it home and he replied but your never coming over again you keep it…couple days later I wasn’t feeling the greatest almost fainted in the shower so i called him and asked him to take me to emergency he did….everything was okay at the hospital in was told when in got my room to remove everything but panties and wear the gown….so I did and asked him to tie the back of the gown for me when he stood up I was turned so he stood behind me and I felt that he had a hard on so if started to laugh….after the whole hospital situation I thought we were okay….so I started asking him on the way home why can’t we be together after skinny focus together and things escalated and when I left the car we were in a huge fight he told me don’t call me text me leave me alone for good I don’t need drama or stress that’s afterskingndll you are….so I’d left it’s been a week almost since we talked and yesterday he sent me a msg asking how I was feeling and if i had been eating…so i replied felling much better and I eat when I remember because of my job…. he said I still love you I said love you to and then at night he had called me so is picked up he said is miss you do you miss me? I said yeah kept it very neutral today he called me but is didn’t answer so is sent him a text saying call u in 45 getting a facial done he replied it’s ok I just had a question…so I replied what’s up he never answered so when I was done I tried calling back twice he never answered so I sent a msg and said can’t answer now? ? So later on I had fell asleep and woke up around 8 with a horrible bad dream so ih sent him a text because that’s what I always used to do or call him….and said had a bad dream thought id text you don’t mind this msg….he replied maybe 10 minutes after saying it’s ok I love you….so I replied love you to…then he replied 10 minutes later saying miss me? And that’s when I stopped msging him…is did want to give him the satisfaction of saying yes I do….so he sent another msg saying ok….then another after saying….want to come over tonight chill and watch a movie? As bad as I wanted to say yes I didn’t. …and now I need help in want him back but he’s so rude and mean sometimes…. when he gets into his moods….but I love him when he’s not in any bad moods and he can be the most amazing person ever!!! What do I do!!! Please help!!
Lastly, until your guy finally comes to his senses and realizes that you’re the girl from him, don’t stop dating other men. Keep your options open even if you’re not particularly interested in these other guys. If you keep your social calendar full of dates with others, you will be less worried about what your guy is doing, and you won’t be so preoccupied with things moving from casual into a committed relationship.
Erika, thank you for that. After a 13 year horrible marriage and another 2 year relationship, I felt broken. I am seeing a guy who has been through something similar. He has told me he has a hard time expressing feelings. Now, he is pulling a way a little. I feel depressed, as if I am not good enough. But your response, helps me to realize: Slow is good and he and I both need time. When we are together, things are fantastic. I will give it time and see what happens.
Doubting whether a relationship is committing to because your partner seems to be taking you for granted is not just a girl thing, it is also a guy thing. Your man wants to know that you are grateful for what he is doing for you. It doesn’t need to be a grand “thank you” but you need to tell him and show him how much you value what he does. Throwing a reward by giving him more attention in bed might even make things more enjoyable.
Me and my boyfriend Jay have been together for almost two years. In the beginning it was great, no arguing, nothing of that sort. Once we hit 10 months we started arguing really bad about little things and mostly about seeing eachother all the time, about a month after the arguing started he broke up with me, well a lot happened blah blah and then we got back together over a month after the breakup… well it’s happened again now. Now we are at our two year mark and the same thing has happened. He broke up with me last Tuesday and we have not spoke since then. He has blocked me off everything, I have no clue what is going on. I do know that he broke up with me because we were together all the time, we argued a lot, he said that I needed to ” change “. Since Tuesday I have been trying my hardest to change and improve myself to show him that I really do care about our relationship. I want to give him his space and time but i don’t know if he will ever talk to me again, how long it will take, or if he wants to be with me. We have been together a long time and I’m just so upset and confused. I don’t know if this is over for good..
And it was a big catastroph. X was so angry he left me, he insulted and shouted. He came back to do the things he didnt do when he was with me. I cried a lot and begged him not to leave. I did all that i can do. One day he called me to talk together. When he saw me, he hugged me he was calm and lovely he sad we can fix everything together. I was sooo happyy but the next day he woke up angry again and said he cant forgive me and he is not forgetting what i did i begged him again and again but it didnt work
My ex broke up with me beacuse of silly reasons because she was afraid that I might hurt her in the future(she’s very sensitive). I tried many things to get her back and she always said no which made me frustrated. Therefore I said to her that I don’t want to watch your face anymore. We haven’t talked since then. But sometimes she looks at me when I’m not looking and I can tell she still loves me. Is there any way that we can get back together.
When we get so focused on the need for any one man, it’s easy to get blinded. That’s when we start making excuses for him that may in fact be relationship deal breakers for us. If what you want is an exclusive relationship, yet you keep seeing him if he wants something else for fear of losing him, you’re really only losing yourself and all that is important to you.

Some women have the right idea. They take off for a weekend with the girls and give the boyfriend back home the gift of missing her. But then they make the mistake of being too available to the guy, with long phone calls, detailed text messages, video conferencing and the like. A woman like this may actually put her girl pals on the back burner just to please her man who “misses her.”
Everyone recognizes when someone has an agenda, it’s just something our intuition picks up on and it immediately puts us off. Think about how you feel when someone approaches you and tries to sell something. Your first instinct is typically to get far away from them. It doesn’t matter how nice and friendly they are, you can’t trust them because you know they want something out of you.
In order to shake up your ex and make him miss you, it is you that has to go through a big change. It should be something completely out of the ordinary that you would have never done while the two of you were together. You could pack up and move to a new city, or trade in your old car for the new vehicle you’ve been eying for years. By making a big change, you will be signalling to your ex that you’re moving forward with your life, and in return, it will trigger a reaction out of him! He will definitely want to be a part of these big changes because they are all positive movements in your life. Who wouldn’t want to be around someone who’s taking steps in the right direction to better themselves and their situation?

I had my girl friend who break up with me yesterday… After realising her actions towards me of ignoring me not ansaring mi phone and doing those things which made me small showing people that im nthing to her! then i made a clear question of whether we continue with ur journey or we stop for enternity?? Her respond was we have to stop and i love her so much but due to pressure, the things i bought for her i have taken them even the 1s i borrowed her… My heart is still wondering of what happened to myself… Haek


There may be something missing from your relationship that means you two aren’t communicating properly and feelings aren’t getting exchanged as they used too. Taking some time to refocus your energy back on the relationship and remember why you two got together in the first place is a huge way you can make him miss you. Send old photos of the best memories you two have together or just organize something that you both can do. Spend some time rekindling and being together when you can. Then when you both go and separate again he will miss you and the time he’s spent with you. It’s not always possible to be together but if it is then you should try.
It is scientifically proven that low testosterone can make men pull away, act distant and have mood swings. Irritable Male Syndrome (a.k.a male PMS) can occur anytime and can affect their relationship. If your man is avoiding you or trying to avoid you, he may be having IMS and it will get back to normal as soon as his testosterone get back to normal. If you have an intimate relationship with him and he is avoiding having sexual intercourse with you, it maybe because of his IMS that can also cause a lower sex drive or even erectile dysfunction. If you notice of these symptoms in your man, you should try to find out what exactly is happening, so you will know for sure why he is pulling away from you. Click here to read more about men having hormonal differences.
Guys don’t know exactly what it is, but suddenly their instincts are telling them to get away. This usually occurs at the point where the woman could no longer keep the act up. Maybe she’s trying to appear cool and go-with-the-flow, but in her mind she’s already thinking of ways to turn a relationship that’s really nothing at this point into something. From that point forward, it’s not easygoing and natural, it’s her measuring if she is getting closer or further from her goal.
Hi Appollonia thank you for the article I thought it was great. I started dating a guy back in June 2018, it was like a whirl wind romance we were seeing each other at least 3/4 times a week, he asked me to meet his mum after about a week i said no its to soon, then within a month I had met his mum, best friend, sister, female friends, Aunty, cousins. He was bringing me to family events, buying me shoes, cooking for me, spontaneously turning up with flowers and breakfast, coming to my family events, staying with me for a whole week. For 2 months I spoke to him every single day. Then after 2 months he bought us tickets for a festival and at the event we had an argument whereby I had apparently reprimanded like a child. From that point everything changed, he became distant and we were constantly arguing. So I broke up with him in September, but he came back saying he wanted to reconcile. In October we talked and got back together, but he continued to be distant and make little effort, not returning my calls and messages for 24/48, telling me we’re meeting up but never making a plan to do so. Always saying he’s busy working as an excuse as to why we are not meeting. In December I broke it off again. We were at the same event in January and again he said he wanted to try again, saying we should go away for the weekend and spend quality time rebuilding our relationship this of course never materialised and 3 weeks later I blocked him on phone calls, whats app, and social media. It’s now been 2 months since I blocked him and he hasn’t tried to contact me by other means. I still love him and want him, but I have been working on myself and will not settle for less than I deserve. However I still don’t understand why he changed and why we he became all talk and no action.
This is by far the best article I’ve ever read in my entire life about relationships and how to understand a man. This article would definitely help my BFF understand this as she is the clingiest, neediest & most insecure person ever & fails relationship after relationship. The only thing she says is: “I’m a good person why I can’t get a good man for myself?”. She praises herself endlessly but, when She finally lands a guy, she’s suffocated them so much that they end up leaving her. And believe it or not, as a friend, that’s really hard to watch when u see your BFF being dumped especially when she asks why… That’s when this article comes in. This article should have her name on it.
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