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Hello I can imagine your going through a hard time trying to understand this guy. He’s confusing you because he’s confused himself. He has distanced himself because this is what guys do when they are thinking if they want to be with you or not. This also shows how he doesn’t care much about you and more about himself. He says these things like I miss you and all that stuff to make sure your still around for him as an option but does his words match his actions? If he missed you he woukd see you. Does he see you? No ? Then he’s not telling the truth he’s using words to keep you about for his own ego and loneliness. There’s a way u can find out if he wants to be with you or not and that’s by ignoring him he sends u a msg like I miss you can I talk to u or just hello no mater what his msg says u say nothing. A woman’s silence shows and expresses your hurt more than your anger and words do. This also gives him time to properly miss you and it also stops you looking easy in his eyes men want a challenge they want to chase so give him what he wants and don’t feel bad about it either he hurt you did he care ? Sounds like he didn’t.


There’s a huge difference between being interested in the person you’re with and being obsessive/clingy. If you’re sending him 100 text messages a day asking where he’s at or why he’s not answering you, trying to see him every minute of every day, or going overboard to show him how much you care about when the relationship is fairly new, you might be pushing him away from you. Men don’t want a clingy lady. They want a woman who is secure and independent but still shows that she cares in a subtle and sensual way.
The last time I saw my boyfriend was 3 weeks ago. I understand that to some, it may not seem like that long, but to me, it feels like forever. Every time I get upset I always tell myself to go to my happy place only to realize my happy place is half an hour away and I have no way of getting there. I've made him happy when he was pissed and he's made me happy when I was sad. People say we're not good for each other, but who cares about what other people think. As long as I have him, I'm happy. Also, taking the time to write this actually made me feel a lot better. I'm still upset but I know things will get better.

Plan outings with friends, even if you don’t feel like it. Go for a walk around your neighborhood. Science backs the fact that exercise gives your brain a boost of dopamine, and after a breakup, you need all the happy hormones you can get. It’ll be hard the first time, but once you realize how much better you feel, I guarantee you can make it a habit to help you through.


Wow, I really liked some of your advice. I know most of that, but I really needed to hear it again. I'm not doing a great job at being unattached and being independent. lol. I put drinking glasses around the house over our bugs to let him kill them when he gets home. lol. I guess I should suck it up and pick them up and not be such a needy baby about that. Heck, I've done it before. Just not my favorite chore. Thanks for the encouragement!
You think you desire something serious with this particular person—but before you do anything else, be sure you actually want to commit to him or her. Step back and ask yourself the following questions, Trespicio suggests: Do I have fun with them? Is my mood elevated when I'm with them? Do I feel good about myself after we part ways? Do they improve my life? Do I feel respected?
High levels of stress can do many things including destroy relationships.  If the stress of commitment is getting to him you may find him pulling away until it clears.  If you chase after him in you could find the result is that you have pushed him clear out of your life.  Give him space and time to think.  Be available but create that mystique that found him seeking you out in the first place. i.e Just be You
First of all, what was the reason for him breaking up with you? Because he said he became heartless, so that indicates he was hurting in some way or another during the relationship and reached a breaking point therefore afterwards. The past is the past, and the future is all that matters now and my best advice I can give to you is to give it time and space. I know you said you already did, but at this point he is most likely still dealing with the breakup in his own ways, and the worse thing you can do now is pester him even if it’s just to ask how he is or suggest meeting up. It sounds to me like this breakup was more a needing of space than an end to everything…. as some people will break up out of anger. I did the same thing with my boyfriend, I broke up with him out of anger telling him I don’t want him anymore… He never responded (it was over text) and that made me think twice. To the point where I wanted to go back to him. That’s what SPACE does, it makes people reflect on their own actions and the relationship in general. So my advice to you is to give it time and space. Show that you’re doing well, that you’re happy and that you’re doing things for yourself… and don’t let him see you sad. After some time has passed (I’d say 3-5 weeks) then you’ll have a clearer idea on what you want. But HE BROKE UP with YOU, so let him be the one to come back. Only after you’ve showed him you are fine with or without him! Good luck!

My boyfriend has a small company “hobby” and seems to spend a lot of time and effort into that. When I try to talk to him he ignores me even when I leave him alone for hours. He seems to be more interested in his “hobby” than listening or just telling me how his day went. I don’t pry at all but after work of not talking to him all day all he wants to do is his “hobby” I don’t feel valued right now and just wanted to vent about it really.

Have you ever caught a whiff of something and a person or place came to mind? It can be the lightest smell that brings you back to a certain time in your life. That is because our sense of smell is attached to our memory. Certain smells will always be associated to different memories in our brain. If you want a man to miss you, bringing up those happy memories of your past will do just that. Be sure that you wear your personal scent every time you see him. Each time the smell hits his nose, you will come to mind. It might also be a good idea to spritz a little bit of that scent around his house but be discrete. He shouldn’t see you doing this for obvious reasons. If you leave your scent around his house he’s going to have a hard time getting you off his mind and not missing you.
Very,very similar happened to me.so I texted him saying I missed seeing him,but since it goes days to hear back from him if I text,that I will take it as a hint he isn’t into me,and I hope he has a good life.(not bitchy or nutty,just honest)always had fun together when together.well.he gets kinda chapped at me,says via text.”don’t do that”well,he had also mentioned that he” wasn’t good with phone”wow,6 days in between texts.I am a single mom and live an hour and a half away,so trying to make “some sort of plan” is important.so why if he doesn’t text,call,does he insistI don’t move on??

A healthy relationship is only possible if both man and woman take responsibility of their actions and everything else. Sometimes women try to be too controlling without even realizing it. For example, asking your husband to clean his study or organize everything in his game room etc. These things can be annoying for some men and they lose interest when their woman tries to change ‘their ways’. It is not advised to make your man change his way. You can have a conversation with him and try to convey him that you would like few things in a specific way. This will give him a choice how he would want to deal with those things.

Answer: Just because dopamine is not being produced naturally, that doesn’t mean you can’t find ways to create it. You have to turn on the heat sometimes to bring the magic back. A relationship takes work, especially in the sex department. Find ways to turn him on and he will be running back into your arms. [Read: 13 spicy sex positions to heat up your bedroom romps]

Answer: Remind him what he was chasing you for. Show him that just because he’s won over you doesn’t mean he gets to keep you. Instead of groveling and chasing him, turn the tables and make him work to get you back. If you remind him that you can be just fine without him, he’s likely to begin the hunt and chase all over again. [Read: How to keep a guy interested in 30 super sexy ways]

On the flip side, some men will pull away just as much if their date strongly insists that they must pay their own share. As callous as this may sound, most of us have egos bigger than Mt. Kilimanjaro, yet are as fragile as a fly. Trying to assert dominance in this situation may make your date run away. Even though you’ve done nothing wrong. Yes, I confess… we can be just as confusing to you, as women are to us.

Biologically and traditionally males chase females and females choose which male they want as a mate. So to be masculine you are supposed to chase, and to be feminine you are supposed to receive the chase (if you are interested in the male). If you personally do not like to chase women, that is your personal preference. But that is not the norm for males. Having said that, I don’t think it’s wrong if you prefer the female to chase you. But I do think it’s counter productive for you to pull away from a female for any of the reasons you have listed and then expect her to chase after you because of it, and if she doesn’t you lose interest. It sounds like you’re testing her when you put it that way, and no one likes those kind of games.
It's easy to let parts of yourself go when you meet someone you think is the partner of your dreams. But don't. "Trying to be someone you're not is so transparent," Kelman says. If you'd rather go to the gynecologist than watch football or hit an art museum, don't pretend to love the Steelers or understand abstract art just because the person you're seeing is a fan.

i have brocken the number 1 rule of no contact so many times and i have ruined things by keeping on pursuing him. Our relationship ended because he started cheating and i admit i am the cause of that..What do i do now after all the wrong things i have done to push him away..do i still have a chance? I also want to know how i should go about the no contacting phase..Do i totally block him out of the blue after we have been talking?


If you find that you never ever want space from him, it’s time for you to start finding your own space anyway. It’s not healthy for couples to spend all their time together. It can cause you to neglect your friends, family, and self. You can start to rely too much on this man (and, in my mind, you always need just a dose of independence for yourself) and lose your identity.
Hey there. If I may, I’d like to say that we are currently in a similar situation with the ‘ex-guy-comes-back-and-the-two-of-us-starts-dating-again.’ And I can understand the emotional roller coaster you are going through and the feeling of tiredness is not new to me most particularly since I am in my last year of getting my law degree. The stress arising from thinking about his slow reaction time to my texts, and the fact that we seldom go out together are driving me up against the wall. And so I finally but gently told him that I was seriously exhausted, not just because of him, and that I needed to focus on myself first so I was implying that I would be leaving him out there for awhile while I do my own thing.
I met in 2007 in the United States, I’m in Canada we met at a concert and for me, as soon as I saw him I knew I loved him. We hit it off and within a few weeks I was going to the states to visit him, we started dating and I was so happy, but because of the distance and him not being able to cross the boarder to come up and see me( he tried once) due to felonies in the states, I wasn’t able to go every weekend. He started to go down a bad path and got into drugs, I was always there for him even tho I didn’t know the extent of what he was doing. I told him I loved him, and he freaked out, we drifted apart and I was hurt.
Thanks for your comment. The only thing I would “call out” about this is when you say if they want you no matter the circumstances, you know it. The reason being is because he has proven it to you over time. He is not in a vulnerable state and also going through a lot. Typically a man under financial stress and job stress takes a significant toll on his ego and self-dignity. It’s a different stress. Losing someone you welcome support because he had no control over it. Now, the other stuff he possibly did and is having a significant amount of guilt. What I would suggest is that you step back a bit and let him reach out when he is ready. I do believe checking in with him from time to time is good and not let your ego get the best of you. Be positive in your time and conversations with him right now. Do not input any additional stress and let things progress naturally. Show him that you will support him even if that’s giving him some time to breathe. You will find out the answer. I would encourage you to also book a session with me here so I can give you exact tailored advice for your situation. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
I’ve loved reading your articles and they’ve really helped me recognize what’s been tickling the corner of my self-awareness lately about my self-worth being directly related to why I always end up dating people that don’t treat me well and are emotionally unavailable. The one thing that I’m trying to figure out in this article and in my current situation is – how do you discern between a relationship (casual or exclusive) ending due to the other person being emotionally unavailable vs. being emotionally available and being turned off by your insecurities? At the end of the day, I recognize that both are directly related to my lack of self-love and that is what needs to be fixed, but in the former case, if I had previously fixed this it would have resulted in me ending the relationship as soon as I recognized the other person was emotionally unavailable/disrespecting me and in the latter it seems like the relationship would have had a chance at working out. I feel like it’s much easier to forgive myself for not holding boundaries and walking away when I knew I should have than for literally being the reason something potentially great didn’t work out..
Hey.. I’m in love with this guy for almost 6 months now and we are in a long distance relationship..since from the day we met he treated me like I’m the only girl in the world he respect me like I’m around him always he calls me day and night.. And we hardly see each other because of his work and the distance between us.. Few days back I visited him where he stays and he introduced me to everyone around him and everything was good until I hold his phone while he was asleep.. I found out that his cheating for me which changed everything ..I’m a Moody person.. Then I asked him everything and he answered me some not everything.. Then he apologized about his doings and promise me that he will short everything out soon.. And I did forgiven him but sometimes i feel like I have done a wrong thing it will happen again and we are living miles apart so I’m afraid.. Please I need an advice on what to do!

So my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me a month ago due to arguing. He is in the army and currently away. I made the mistake of begging for him to take me back, before asking if we could still talk and saying I would leave things. After 3 weeks he stops following me on Instagram and I’ve found out today he has deleted me from facebook. I don’t understand why he would wait to do these things, he also has stuff at my house that he needs to pick up when he’s back. I really want him back, our relationship was amazing when we were together, problems only arise when he’s away. Now though I’m convinced he’s talking to a girl he knew from school.
Put your guy on your very own reward system if you want him to warm up to the idea of finally committing to you. When a guy goes out of his way to do something nice for you, and you reward him for his efforts, it will make him see commitment in a new light. A reward can be something as simple as saying “thank you,” or it could be a kiss on the cheek, a hug, or buying him a cupcake from his favorite bakery. Rewarding him lets him know that he is able to please you, and if he’s able to make you happy, you have officially placed yourself in the category as the girl he would love to commit to.
Many articles on how to get a man to commit tell you to make him laugh, and do fun stuff with him. If you think your man is funny, laugh. If he has achievements, great or small, congratulate him. The phrase that says encouragement sweetens labor can be edequately applied to relationships. Show him that you appreciate his sense of humor, and he will not only feel as the center of attention, but the center of your world; ensure that he always know that you appreciate him. That is one of the ways how to make a man commit and create an unbreakable bond with you. You will become his number one girl, and you showing appreciation and genuine interest in him is what makes him want to commit.
An additional tip for women in relationships is to be open-minded. Many women are so set in their ways that they don't want to compromise anything in a relationship. And while being strong is an important quality, it's also important to have the ability to grow and try new things. Looking at your partner as a teammate and confidant can help you understand that you're both in the relationship, and you both have to be willing to bend and see each other's perspective.

When you show a guy that you are a giver and self-less person, he’s going to love you more. Taking the time to help others, says a lot about you. When you volunteer your time at the local hospital, to help collect donations for cancer, or to feed the homeless at Christmas time, you’re showing your guy what a great catch you are. He can’t help but love you more for this.


So I went. He was extremely shocked and happy to see me… but I was giving him a cold shoulder. I sat there and all of my questions and anger and sadness began to flow out! He listened closely and apologized genuinely but I felt hurt. I left after reeming him out for half an hour, and the next day he called me. He asked me to meet up for pizza in the park and we did. He kept thanking me for coming back to him, and apologizing for having hurt me.


It seems counterintuitive, but experts' No. 1 piece of advice is to never to bring up the DTR (a.k.a. define the relationship, or "what are we?") conversation. "It's like going to a party, turning off the music, turning on the lights, and asking, 'Are we all having a good time here?'" Trespicio says. "A good relationship is built on momentum, and putting a stop to the fun to 'check in' is a surefire way to kill the romance." (Related: Why Your Anxiety Disorder Makes Online Dating So Damn Hard)
Hey Kelly, pretty much the same here.. I was in a relationship for almost 2 years, I moved in with him after a few months because everything was going great and he wanted to spend more time together. I was aware he was OCD, and he was aware that I was not a neat person. I live in clutter. My parents live in the country so we didn’t have anyplace to dispose of unwanted items/clothes or garbage. (We burn our garbage) anyway that’s how my life was, and it became a habit to be cluttery. I had More things than I needed, I never got rid of anything old. And I have issues with my own family where nobody talks to anybody. I was extremely close to my parents because we never had anybody else. Anyway, I told my boyfriend before I moved in that I was messy and made him promise not to ever give up on me, to be patient and to motivate me because I’m not self motivated unless it comes to work. At home I’m lazy and relax, I am not active. Lately he’s been dealing with a lot of stress, massive amounts of overtime for the past couple months and his parents left to live in a state 5 states away from us down south. Communication with them has become harder because of Hurricanes & their busy schedules. So as a result he became depressed. Our only friend and neighbor we hungout with slowly became depressed too, and she stopped hanging out with us. Our world got smaller, just me & him. And he stopped doing ANYTHING pretty much. He was sleeping a lot and I can’t recall before our breakup any time we spent together (aside from going to a wedding & to get a friend of his who stayed for a week.) AND WE LIVED IN THE SAME HOUSE. I feel his depression was a result of his own actions, he stopped doing things he use to. And me not having a job made me cling to every second we spent together. Just everything came crashing down on us. I feel we didn’t fail each other like he thinks, because we are both different. But rather I feel we just were going through a rough patch that happens with couples. The honeymoon wore off. We had to put effort in now because things were depressing and not easy. And he thought it was underlining issues so he no longer wanted to work things out. I hope you two fixed things. How are you?
Hi Alexandra, This is exactly what happens to me. A lot. Do everything by the book and it does not produce results. Generally you suddenly see these guys with some bland Miss Piggy woman a month or so later. From what I have understood so far, these men think they are not good enough for you. Unfortunately, I never found any way of solving this. Once they believe this, you cannot change it. Only he can. Just find a guy who thinks he IS worthy of you. Very hard to find. Classy agency is your best bet.
Next, consider the situation in full. You need to look at all of these signs and not just a single one of them. If he’s not paying as much attention to you when you talk and it feels like he’s just not listening … but he’s still initiating just as much and responding to all of your texts, then you need to consider the possibility that he’s distracted for some reason that has nothing to do with you. Maybe he’s not feeling well or maybe he has something on his mind.
I have this guy I’ve been dating off & on for the past 2years but we’ve been back seriously together for 8months now but suddenly few days back he just decide that he can’t go on with the relationship anymore that he feels the relationship lack trust meanwhile I’ve been 100% honest & loyal to him and he’s not get in touch with me since the which I did not aswell buh he watched my whatsapp status evrytime Wich I don’t do to his…..I’m really hurt please what should I do I need your advice??
There’s a huge difference between being interested in the person you’re with and being obsessive/clingy. If you’re sending him 100 text messages a day asking where he’s at or why he’s not answering you, trying to see him every minute of every day, or going overboard to show him how much you care about when the relationship is fairly new, you might be pushing him away from you. Men don’t want a clingy lady. They want a woman who is secure and independent but still shows that she cares in a subtle and sensual way.
i miss my boyfriend , we are in highschool and usually we txt throughout the day , its just rlly nice . rn it is winter break and not only that he broke his phone , sooo rn i have to deal with missing him . there are times that i miss him incredibly much but in a way i also am "thankful" that we cant talk bc that teaches me to be more independent ( which i am use to losing when i am in a relationship ) . its a bitter sweet kinda thing .
An additional tip for women in relationships is to be open-minded. Many women are so set in their ways that they don't want to compromise anything in a relationship. And while being strong is an important quality, it's also important to have the ability to grow and try new things. Looking at your partner as a teammate and confidant can help you understand that you're both in the relationship, and you both have to be willing to bend and see each other's perspective.
Answer: Sometimes all he needs is a little coaxing to figure out what’s going on. That involves being patient and giving him space and time to figure things out for himself and to discover what it is that he’s feeling. If you keep questioning him, things are going to get more jumbled, which will only lead to more confusion and will keep you two at odds. [Read: 9 ways to get your man to start communicating with you]

They tell us they aren't capable of being in a long-term, exclusive relationship. They tell us they think women are controlling and selfish and don't know how to stop feeling that way. And yet we bypass these statements. The words go in one ear and out the other. Or we remember them but refuse to believe them. We tell ourselves, "He's just wounded!" or "He's lying to protect himself."
Similarly, Ive seen my brother go through something similar. He did the exact thing with his current girlfriend, he moved out for a week to retreat after a minor conflict, and she was so upset, leaving presents at the door and calling me to find out if he was ok etc. I had to tell her to stop and give him space. He came around, I didnt pressure him and didnt go into it much. But the up side is that he’s still with her now.
Though it can be difficult to ask a man what he is looking for, it also challenges you to get one step closer to your goal. The more comfortable you are with this the easier it will become. I know that some people may not always take my advice to challenge themselves and ask the man what he is looking for, so I want to give you some other clues on what to pay attention to if you don’t want to have this conversation with him. Side note, I am in no way I offering you a pass to wiggle out of the conversation! Remember, challenge yourself.
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