He may be interested in developing a relationship with you. He may also realize that he is not ready to enter into a committed relationship with someone that he cares for. Continue to remain his friend, but realize that he may be at a different point in his life that you are. When people are drunk, they are much more likely to act in a flirtatious or intimate manner. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Best of luck, Vicki!

Work and school are incredibly demanding, especially when you’re going full time. He may decide he needs to put more effort into his school work to get that degree he’s been going after for several years, or maybe he wants to spend extra hours in the office to earn the promotion. Whatever it is, he may be spending less and less time with you and focusing more on his work. If you can handle his excessive time NECESSARY to complete his goals, you’ll enjoy the benefit in the long run. But you have to remind yourself that this particular reason for pulling away has nothing to do with you- he simply needs to spend more time focusing on certain goals to help him in life.
I enjoy reading your articles. I’ve been seeing this guy for almost a year. We dated before 6 years ago and the reason we stopped dating is because he said I was pushing for something he wasn’t ready for. I didn’t realize I was pushing. He’s saying now like he said before, he doesn’t want a girlfriend right now, he’s too busy. But yet he’s still interested. He has said things to me like, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot and there’s nothing I can do about”, “We are more than just friends”, and then he pulls away again. It’s been an emotional roller coaster ride with him. He lives an hour away, we only text once a week or so, and only see each other every 2 or 3 months. We get frustrated with each and have arguments but still want to see each other so there’s something there. We are both Scorpios so I’ve been reading articles about 2 Scorpios being in a relationship and reading your articles. I’ve tried very hard not to seem “pushy” and realize the relationship is what it currently is. But how long do I have to wait for him to want to see me more? What should I say to him?

My ex (5 month relationship) broke up with me two months ago and a week later went straight to a rebound relationship. He text me out of the blue and asked me how I was and then said we should go get food. He also said that he wants to just be friends. So my question is, why the heck is he texting me to go get food when he is still dating his “rebound”?! I still have feelings for him and he knows that. Hence the reason he told me he just wants to be friends. Everybody knows you can’t be “just friends” with a guy you still have feelings for. I feel like he is playing games with me and going to get food is only going to hurt me more….knowing he doesn’t want to date me. What should I do? Not go? Or TRY to be “Just Friends”??
This is great advice! However, I may be a little too late in receiving it. I like this guy and we had an amazing connection for a couple months. As soon as I decided he was someone I wanted to be with, we started doing everything together and I began outwardly letting him know I care. Now he seems barely interested at all. Is there recovery from this or is it time to just move on? Thank you

The two of you share a strong emotional and social connection with each other. It is possible that he is unable to nourish a relationship with you at this time. It is clear that he is busy, so he may have a tight schedule. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and perhaps attempt to spend additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Julie!
My boyfriend and I were together for almost three years. We were pretty much a power couple, he was my first boyfriend, and he was 7 years older than me. Everyone who knew him before I met him, constantly told me he is so much better and happier with me and had never seen him treating anyone like a queen like he was treating me. He was good looking and smart and he knew it. We met each other at work, he was trying to move out of his apartment because he did not like his roommates, and he wanted to go back to school. We were on a break after us talking to each other for about 3 months because he wanted to focus on himself and just pick up shifts, make money, and get out of that apartment. We were still speaking to each other, one thing lead to another, with my help, we moved him out and he got his new apartment. Few months later, when I thought we are still just friends he told me he loves me, like 3 times until I stopped pretending like I am not hearing him. We started becoming more public about our relationship. He was so kind and loving and he did every single thing he could to make me feel special. He was so respectful and considerate. He would even come help my mother with some of the manlier things around the house. However recently I quit my job, which lead to us seeing each other less, and during the summer I was out of school, and so I became very clingy and needy and constantly nagging so he would hang out with me, because I was bored when I really should’ve picked up a hobby or something. We did try to take a course together online when I told him I don’t want to do online class, and I went on a vacation with my friend for a week after being gone for a month visiting family abroad. That really upset him, he failed the first exam and ended up dropping the course which cost him a lot of money too. So just being more in debt than before, and having a nagging girlfriend who kept trying to push herself on him and became more and more protective and paid more attention to him so she would get more attention, got annoying. He kept saying that all we do is argue now, and I kept saying it is always over the same thing, I just want to see you more. Anyways, 2 weeks ago he asked for some time and space, I got mad, then resulted in a break then a break up!! All in matter of like 30 minutes because I was livid and confused. I thought everything was great. He said he feels like he is not good enough for me, I made life so easy for him he was letting go of himself and becoming lazy. Which really pissed me off because last time we took a break while he moved out he said that same thing but then 5 months later telling me he loved me he said he didnt mean any of that. I am a very very hardworking woman, type A, I even made a to do list and plan of attack for both of us every day, so I know if he was even being lazy it was because he was just being lazy and had nothing to do with me.
So you’ve just met a new guy, and things are going really well. He takes you out regularly for fun dates, the chemistry is explosive, and you can really see a future with him. There’s just one problem: he won’t commit to being in a relationship. As a matter of fact, every time you bring up the idea of the two of you becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, he clams up, changes the subject, or he tells you he just isn’t ready to be in a relationship.
It’s easier to do charming gestures for a guy when you’re actively in a relationship with him. Making him coffee before he wakes up for work or secretly sliding a note in his lunch are endearing acts of kindness. Once you know a man well, it’s not as challenging to think up these moves. You know what he would find most adorable and you can use that your advantage.

2 months ago I reconnected with the love of my life from 20 years ago. He calls me very night and we talk on the phone for hours. We are both single. Ive hinted to him that im interested in more than a friendship but he doesnt respond and changes the conversation. I havent hinted anymore. He hasnt even mentioned about seeing each other. We live in the same city. He is having a rough financial time right now. He even had to sell his car. Am I in the friend zone or should I wait to see if this develops into something more?
Hey Mary, I am going through the same thing. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost three years (three years this upcoming May), and he tore my heart into shreds because he’s not “happy” and like you said- doesn’t know who he is anymore. We are on the same boat. If you ever need someone to talk to, just reply and I will give you my email address. Good luck. Xx.
Anyways, we went on a date. Which snowballed into many dates and nights spent together. I was falling in love hard and fast. It seemed so mutual, until my birthday. I suggested we spend it together to which he replied he’d take me out for dinner! (Days beforehand we changed the dinner date to the day *after* my bday & spent my actual bday in bed watching movies.)

In this article, I am going to walk you through a step by step process on why these issues may happen. I ask for you to not only read but take the time to see if any of these situations sit with you. Once you notice a situation that has occurred for you previously or currently I want you to ask yourself where this is coming from? I work with many clients and this is the most common thing woman face these days. I invite you to share your comments below and I will personally answer questions you may have and try to give you my advice tailored to the question you’ve asked. I love hearing from you so please feel free to post a comment.
If you’ve gotten yourself to the point where you’re ready for you guy to commit, but he just won’t budge, the two of you have probably discussed your relationship status ad nauseam. As of right now, bringing up your desire to be in a relationship won’t do you any good. He knows that you want to strip him of his “single” status and every time you bring it up, he pulls further and further away from you. So what’s a girl to do?
So now that we know what the reasons might be, it's easier to understand how to react or, more importantly, how not to react. After careful observation of love and dating, this is what I know to be true: Convincing a man to love you will never work. Trying to persuade him to see how great you are together is pointless. Sharing your feelings with the hopes he will realize how much he means to you will also get you nowhere.

If you are obsessed with reaching some sort of a milestone, if you have an agenda and aren’t able to be present and enjoy the moment with him,  he is going to put his guard up towards you. He is going to feel like you are not actually with him and that you are trying to manipulate him in order to get what you want. People intuitively … (continued – Click to keep reading Ask a Guy: How Do I Get Him to Commit?)


In order to shake up your ex and make him miss you, it is you that has to go through a big change. It should be something completely out of the ordinary that you would have never done while the two of you were together. You could pack up and move to a new city, or trade in your old car for the new vehicle you’ve been eying for years. By making a big change, you will be signalling to your ex that you’re moving forward with your life, and in return, it will trigger a reaction out of him! He will definitely want to be a part of these big changes because they are all positive movements in your life. Who wouldn’t want to be around someone who’s taking steps in the right direction to better themselves and their situation?
I'm in year 6 don 12 were the same age and have a really cute story but....he is in high school so I don't see him as much I would like anymore I cry about him most nights tell my friends but they got there own relationship problems but at least they get to see there boy friends. I miss him so much but when I'm around him now I get shy because he haven't seen each other in a month we use to be our full one selves around each other we both made really weird jokes witch we would only normally tell our friends cuz they were really dirty. I'm sorry but this tips didn't work as much I want them to If u find a way to help me see him and fix our relationship please reply. Babe if your out there I miss you
In other words: he becomes the center of your world and ultimately, that makes him even more distant. When a man senses that you’re so invested in him and how he feels about you, he becomes turned off. He was attracted to you in the first place because you had a life outside of him. He loved the fact that you made yourself responsible for your own happiness.
You might be going all in too soon. I would take a couple steps back and figure out what it is that you want from a man and put yourself first. It takes time to build attraction and sometimes people text for attention only. You don’t know there intentions until you continue to date someone and see them face to face. I wouldn’t take this personally and I would suggest mirroring what they are doing to you.
I am from America, but I am currently studying in Europe. During a holiday I went with some friends for a trip in another country here. There I met a guy in a bar. We kissed and he walked me back to my hotel, we said good buy and he got my contact. The next day he text me and invited me for drinks because it was his last night in the city (he was also there in a trip). We went to a bar and had a nice conversation. After that I said that it would be better to be just friends (because we meet during a trip and we both live in different countries in Europe). First he kept saying that I was very special, different from the other girls, and that he didn’t want to just say good bye. But I insisted that it was better like this (given that we had just met). He was clearly very upset and he even unfriended me on Facebook. I was sad about it the next day, so I decided to text him and let him know that I liked him and we could see each other in the future if he felt the same. He said he was upset before because I acted like he didn’t mean when he said I was special and he felt like I thought he was just interested in sleeping with me. He said he already done that in the past, but that this time this wasn’t the case. Then he said he missed me and booked a flight to visit me one month after. We were talking everyday through messages and some days in Skype (he would take the initiative). He came to my city for 3 days and we had a great time. During his last day in my town he seemed a bit distant or sad, but he gave the impression that he would like to visit me again. When I said I could visit him in his town he seemed really happy. But, the problem is that I will return to America in two months. So, my idea was to see him at least one more time before that, but I didn’t have hopes for a relationship. When he returned to his city we were still talking everyday with messages and sometimes Skype (again his initiative), but he wouldn’t let me know if we could see each other again. After two weeks I directly asked him if he would like to see me again or not. He said the needed time to think, because even though we could have a nice weekend together it would make things to be quite worse afterwords. And also he said, he had a bad experience in the past with a distant relationship, and that he promised himself to never do it again before he met me. First, I thought it was strange that he was mentioning a relationship after seeing each other only two times. Second, if he already knew from the past that he didn’t want a distant relationship, why would he buy a flight to visit me in the first place? I though that maybe we was just looking for a casual thing after all. On the other hand, if he is just looking for a casual thing, why wouldn’t he want to meet me just one more time before I go back to America? I still have some time before I leave to America, and it has been 1 month since we discussed this situation about seeing each other again. So, I don’t know if I should send him another message and tell him that we can still meet in case he change his mind. My intention was just to see him one more time and enjoy a nice time together, because I really liked this guy and this is unusual for me. So, even though we couldn’t have a relationship I would like to see him one more time. The problem is that I already made it clear before that I also didn’t want a distant relationship, and still he said that if we met things would be worst afterwords. Should I text him again and leave it open in case he changes his mind? Or do I risk damaging the nice terms in each we are now?
Consider all points 1-9.  No relationship is exactly the same as another.  There could be varying elements of any of the 9 points listed above involved as well as other equally important aspects not yet discovered.  Your relationship is uniquely yours and requires love and commitment to last.  Therefore, instead of wondering why do men pull away after getting close step back and take a look at your relationship and review where the relationship started, what pulled you both together, and what ( if anything) has changed.
am reading your discussion on how important it is to keep in touch after a long distance breakup…but it seems my boyfriend sometimes is interested in conversations and will write quite a lot, then sometimes he is one worded and/or doesn’t even reply anymore. He tells me he is here always when I need him and wishes me the best, etc, and numerous times he has asked me if we broke up if it’s possible for us to stay in contact and be friends and I said over time maybe, but that I don’t know, but now that we have broken up I miss him and it’s been one month. We are both from the same city and then we both moved to the east coast for college and stayed together a year and a half, but started falling into communication failures and distance. We have generally been very good at fixing our problems, but this summer we both were in the same city for two months, it was wonderful, then I left for a month to a different country and it started to happen again where we lost touch and communication became worse to the point where I would express my deep sadness and emotions about not being happy and all the things I felt were wrong in our relationship. He wanted to fix it and admitted he felt the same and wanted to rekindle the spark, but then the last week before I came he became distant again and then I got back and we talked, cried and broke up. We said let’s give each other a few days to think it through, but then we broke up. I regret losing him and I have followed all the steps and methods and in your videos. The ones about writing bullet points on what went wrong, his views, etc and I still feel lost, but I have come to terms with a lot of things I did wrong. He owed me money from a previous trip we went on and I was a bit rude about it and I feel it somewhat ruined the relationship after the break up, but then we started to slowly talk and I asked his opinion on something, he was kind, but stopped anwering. I’m not sure what else to do. I am now back in the city I study in and he is still home, but will be back soon, 3 hours away.
My ex and I broke up 4 days ago, we were together for 9 months. In The first month of our relationship I went on a cruise and my friend asked if we were still dating. She saw him making out with his ex gf at her party. I talked to the girl and she told me they even had sex and she had his necklace and earring and he even changed her name in his phone to a guys name. I read very inappropriate messages between the two. Saying, “he got a instant b*ner when she put her tongue down his throat at the party”. He admitted that she kissed him first and that’s all it was and nothing more. He said he never cheated on me meaning he never had sex with her and how he couldn’t do that and still be with me. So 8 months go by and the majority of our relationship we spent time watching tv, playing video games, going to a few parties, but not really going out and doing actual couple things. Back to it being 4 days since we broke up, he initiated the break up because I found tinder on his phone, but it was also mutual because at times he didn’t treat me right and I constantly saw him messaging other girls not necessarily cheating and then he made a tinder account two days before we broke up because he said it was because of the possibility of us breaking up. Three days go by and he texted me at like 12:30 am saying, “you been doing okay”, but I didn’t respond and an hour later ““ the thumbs emoji because I didn’t respond. But this whole time we’ve been broken up he’s been going out to the bars staying out late at night with his friends even staying at the place he’s at till the morning. But the worst part is his friends are a major problem, was a problem in our relationship, they … mainly one friend encourages him to go out and get drunk. Maybe that’s his way of not feeling the pain and distracting himself for reality but I wish he would just grow up and mature and not always choose his friends and having to always say okay to what they want to do. If he were to say no he would get manipulated and they would beg him to come out. The last thing I said to him was I hope he takes this time to work on himself and not being in a relationship. He said he agrees and it’s time for him to be by himself and not in a relationship. For his sake I hope this is true. It seems like he goes from relationships to relationships. … Him texting me that is just throwing me off. I need some advice.

Consider it a warning, but with this one, chances are, you'd put your own relationship into danger. But if you and your boyfriend love each other truly, and don't need to manifest it over and over again, this one works wonders. Tell him that you're enjoying every moment of your work/school/college. Tell him you've found a cool bunch of people who you hang around with. If you think it'll cause no harm, tell him there's a cute guy who has been checking you out quite frequently, all in good faith. If this doesn't make him jealous, I know not what does.
Commitment problems can come from a wide range of places. Perhaps they had a relationship that was horrible and their ex cheated on them. This would obviously make them hesitant to commit to someone else. They may also have parent issues that explain their commitment issues. First, you need to figure out why they are that way so you can tailor your behavior to make them want to commit. [Read: 13 signs he wants a relationship but has commitment issues]
Maybe your man is pulling away because he needs space. Most women don’t realize that they are a clinger due to which their men start spending less time with them. This problem is very common in young couples, but it could also happen in an old relationship. Men need space and they want to spend more time with their friends or in their man cave. The problem with many women is that they become too clingy or attached with their man. They want to know about every place their boyfriend goes to and every person their boyfriend hangs out or talks to. Clinginess kills any relationship faster than any other thing. To avoid being a clinger, try to keep yourself busy in activities outside of your relationship with your boyfriend. This will give you and him time to realize this that you both want to spend time together.
Thank you, Ray. I needed a male’s perspective, I’m hurt & all my girl friends are angry, so I can relate to almost all of these posts. I have been with a man that “needs his space” & needs a woman to be understanding about it. It’s hard for me because although we have been in a relationship for just a week over a year, I’ve been in love with him for 20. We had a 2 year off & on thing back then & I was very young & I did not understand him back then. Although I understand him now, it still hurts, & the fear is always there, nagging at me, bringing up thoughts like, is he wanting to see someone else? Am I the one pushing him away with my feelings? Why does he not love me the way I love him? Always wondering if there is someone else, but never really believing it. He told me from day one (a year ago) how he was, & I guess I decided back then I loved him enough I could handle his occasional distance & that I had enough love to push through it.
I was wondering. I have a friend that says he don’t ever want to be an a relationship ever again because of the pain that he has experienced in the past from passed relationships but yet he wants me to open up to him which I did and he wants me to continue to open up to him. Why would a man want you to open up to them if they don’t plan on having a future with you.
This worked for me. I started dating a fella who was fresh out of a committed, live-in relationship and said he was unlikely to call anyone his girlfriend anytime soon. I didn’t say, “Oh yeah, buster, well you better decide now or I’m out!” I didn’t force him into having The Talk (read why to avoid this). I liked the guy. So I made sure I blew his mind and made him earn it. I did my thing, kept my life going and made it clear if he wanted to see me, he had to let me know. When we were together, I made him feel like a million bucks.
So stop over-explaining every little thing, stop sharing all of your childhood stories with him, and don’t let him know what you’re doing at all hours of the day. Keep some things to yourself, and it will make him even more curious about who you really are. He will subconsciously know that in order to peel back all of your layers, he needs to take the next step and ask you for exclusivity.
He may be interested in developing a relationship with you. He may also realize that he is not ready to enter into a committed relationship with someone that he cares for. Continue to remain his friend, but realize that he may be at a different point in his life that you are. When people are drunk, they are much more likely to act in a flirtatious or intimate manner. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Best of luck, Vicki!

My boyfriend and I had an on and off relationship for three years. He says he s over me and he told me to get it in my head that we are never getting back together because we don’t work out. But I love him and think we could make it work. Is there a chance we could get back together? Even before when we broke up he always called or texted , this is the first time he has acted so cold towards me.
Kind of like if you are on diet: you feel deprived of something you love and enjoy. If you are staring at a piece of cake and know you can’t have it, you want it more than if you can freely eat all the cake you want. It’s an even stronger force when you’ve broken up with someone who wants to stay together with you… because the lack of cake is a self-imposed restriction, whereas someone breaking up with you when you do not want them to is not self-imposed. So if you broke up with him and he did not want you to… this is an advantage.
Answer: If he’s feeling low about himself, then the last thing you want to do is make him feel even worse by being upset all the time. The only thing you can do is to hang on, try to boost his confidence, and encourage him to follow this dreams. Being supportive will help him to feel accomplished and will let him know that you are happy with him and have all that you could need. [Read: 12 common male insecurities that women don’t realize]
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