When you show a guy that you are a giver and self-less person, he’s going to love you more. Taking the time to help others, says a lot about you. When you volunteer your time at the local hospital, to help collect donations for cancer, or to feed the homeless at Christmas time, you’re showing your guy what a great catch you are. He can’t help but love you more for this.
But now, he is pulling away. Slowly but surely. I’m so lost. I’m trying to give him space but I’m scared he will go away forever. I don’t want that so I’m keeping my shut but I’m just so confused. I don’t know what to do. I love him dearly so much still (I have not expressed that as I’m conscious of the consequences of these things especially with an ex and what we went through).
I miss my boyfriend too. We where so close, we met at church 3 years ago and honestly my life has been a bundle of happiness. Right now he went to a refugee camp because he's not from my country and back in his country there is war at the moment. I cry every night because I know how harsh they are treated there. He has been gone for a week now and it feels like a whole decade already. What is more hurtful is that he might take even longer because of the lengthy procedures. I really miss him
I have been in love with the same guy for about three years,in the beginning he told me he did not want anything serious …so I did distance my self for a little while, however now we spend all are time together…going to the gym, going to his friends place cooking together …he keeps contact with me through out the day…it seems very much like a relationship with out a title…
This is an important point to mention, because men who persist in overtly negative behavior in your presence are antagonizing you. They’re testing you to see whether you will tolerate being taken for granted or if you’re going to call them on it. A woman of class and self-respect WILL walk away, because she’s not interested in any man that gives her less than 100% of his full attention.
Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough. Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship, and that when the going gets tough, they run.
It has NOTHING to do with lying about your feelings, but about not chasing the other person when they need time and space, and TRUSTING the other person. When you chase, it basically signals him that you don’t trust him. Believe it, I know it’s counter-intuitive and for women, it’s a mystery, but it is TRUE. You want to date a guy, right? Then PLEASE understand it is natural for guys to want to find the balance between intimacy and independence, vulnerability and strength, relationship and freedom. If he need space, GIVE HIM SPACE. It says NOTHING about lying — it’s just it’s not the right time to discuss your feelings. Pick another time, like when you two are ready to have a talk — when he is feeling closer to you. Choose the right time and the right words. That’s all. No one says you should be lying about how you feel; and trust me, if you really are not happy to hear from him, then maybe you should just call it quits because that “love” is not real. I mean, if a child runs away and then comes back, would you ever feel and say “I don’t want to see you?” That’s just selfish, and love. Trust me, and this from a guy who has been on that side of the fence.
So you’ve just met a new guy, and things are going really well. He takes you out regularly for fun dates, the chemistry is explosive, and you can really see a future with him. There’s just one problem: he won’t commit to being in a relationship. As a matter of fact, every time you bring up the idea of the two of you becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, he clams up, changes the subject, or he tells you he just isn’t ready to be in a relationship.

It has ended here and I am just dying to find a solution to all this mess I have created with my clumsiness. I have a gift I made for him that i carried around with me since January 6 because we never knew when we would be able to meet. I had this idea to send it to him with a note “this is yours, made on January 6th. There is no point for me to keep it anymore.” But I am not sure what kind of message it will send because I am not even able to guess the most probable reason of all this behavior. He is the nice guy type, who gives and asks for affection. He would just keep hugging and holding my hand when i am around. But would not realise he missed me until we meet again (he said that). He lives with his sister and is very close to her and to his parents who live in another city. Whenever he did something careless he knows but does not say it. Instead he would become a bit more talkative about details of what he is doing or something.. until I mention it, then once faced with it he apologises. We are 29 and 31 years old and have been together for 4 months, during which he said “I love you” mederately and only at the right moments.

My live in boyfriend of 5 in a half years has pulled away after I became preganant and it was a planned pregnancy. He says he wants space to reflect on our relationship but still wants to work things out and is going to make an appointment with a therapist. Should I give him this space and back off? I find this situation difficult because I feel alone during my pregnancy. He also started seeing someone else just a few days of me moving out. Should I just give up on him? I still love him.


1. Take care of yourself first. When you meet a guy you feel like you want to spend every waking moment with, it’s an amazing feeling: an amazing feeling that you must counter with putting yourself first! Continue to do the things that make you happy, and make sure you keep dating other guys before you’re in an exclusive relationship. While this can be really difficult, it’s also a great way to remind yourself what it is you’re looking for in a man and that the new amazing guy really isn’t the only fish in the sea. If you’re finding yourself reserving all your free time for one guy, calling him, or breaking plans with friends the second he calls, take a breath. Put yourself first! If you aren’t in a serious, committed relationship with a man, you’re free to do the things you like when you like, for however long you like. That isn’t to say that once you’re in a relationship you stop doing things you like! It’s just that before you get there, be sure not to get too wrapped up in making someone your universe if you aren’t his. Meet his energy. It’s that simple.


My boyfriend and I just broke up today…. At fjrst everything was going well. He found a job in the field he likes and all of a sudden he became anger and bitter towards for no reason. We were together for 10 months we have 9 month old twins together and we would fuss, fight, argue, stop speaking to each other within the relationship I love him with my whole heart. He completes me. We both didn’t want to be in a relationship but, we decided for the sake of the twins. We were just going to co parent. Now he acts as if I was a bad woman to him he made me feel like every problem we had I was the cause. He has a 13 yr old son with someone else and today he said she visited him at his place of employment. Why???? If you and her stopped loving each other and you couldn’t stand her yoy never wanted to be around her. So what changed. He only spoke to his son and only him…. All of a sudden today he thinks we should move on cause he can’t be the man I need or want him to be… It hurts but, I’m wondering were they talking behind my back or what??? He said that he rather be with her cause he deserves to be happy.. I’m extremely hurt… Pray for me.

Don’t worry too much about it, Purity. You will meet the right person when you are least expecting it. There is no reason to rush out and settle down with the wrong person, just to settle down. If you are having problems meeting people guys, you can always join a singles group, try out a new hobby or sign up for a class at your local college. There are plenty of places to meet people at; you just have to get out there and explore!
In terms of marketing, I was someone who loved helping people with their relationships years before I ever charged a penny for it. So I appreciate that you like that I’m original and authentic in my work because the marketplace is filled with people who just want to sell you stuff (and the stuff they sell is recycled garbage – they don’t care if it helps or not, so long as their buyers don’t refund it en masse.) So thank you for that comment.
Hey Sabrina. Great article! I’ve gotta say, the emails I get from you and Eric help a lot. There’s this guy that I met while I was at university, there was definitely a mutual attraction between us but we never acted on it. We’re good friends, but everytime we see each other I feel this spark whenever I’m around him or talk to him. I don’t want to scare him off because I really value his friendship and also I like that I can just be myself around him. He also helped me get through a tough situation a couple of years ago. I’m confused because I get a vibe from him that he wants to be with me but he never says it outright.
Don’t worry about him enjoying the free time with his friends. Of course, giving him space to enjoy is going to make you look confident and less clingy. He may seem to enjoy it, but eventually, your boyfriend will crave more time with you. So, the next time he tries to come up with excuses to hang out with his friends, let him go. If he wants to go on a boys’ trip, allow him. The more time he is away from you, the more he will realize what he’s missing. He might think his friends are important and deserves his time but he will soon learn that he can’t spend his lifetime with only them, he needs you.

@ Sam after reading your post I really don’t understand your question because you did say you refuse to be with someone who showed you he doesn’t care about your health if only we women really Focus on men ACTIONS not his words ACTIONS tells us the Truth… I think you really know he doesn’t really care about you and you should treat him the same with the I Don’t Care Attitude and move on.
We had an amazing relationship, wow amazing.. we connected in ways that no one could understand. When we first met our priorities weren’t so crazy.. I met him after a tragic tragic thing happened with his father… and I met him a month after… we connected right off the bat. Throughout the months we were getting to know each other he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said yes, he’s nothing like anyone I’ve ever known. Respectful, playful, honest, everything you could possibly ask for.. through the months we were dating there was no arguments, nothing, of course little things we got like upset about, but we easily talked about it and knew that it was nothing to break us, it was never serious with us to that extent ever. Now our priorities are more serious with life, we are both 20 and very Mature. Full time jobs but We both take care of the things we need to but we always made sure we made time for each other. we both don’t have social media nothing, which was why our relationship worked soooo great… His job is very busy and I randomly asked him(which I now regret) if being in a relationship was too much for him and he said sometimes yes, very randomly… and I’m still confused.. he said it’s not me, it’s him. That he needs to focus on himself and to take care of his family (he has no children) but of course his mother and sibling..and basically broke it off.. Its been a week…and I’m hurting “if we aren’t meant to be I’ll find my way back to you…” still can’t With that…

Obviously, when you’re in love with someone, you want to spend much time with that person. But to create a feeling to miss you, you need to sometimes not be with him. You don’t always have to give up all your time for him. Your boyfriend is not going to miss you if you’re always available. Find things that you can put into yourself. Create your own space and time away from him. While it is important to spend time together to win his heart, it is equally important to give some space so that he’ll realize how special you are and how much he really misses you.


MadameNoire is a sophisticated lifestyle publication that gives African-American women the latest in fashion trends, black entertainment news, parenting tips and beauty secrets that are specifically for black women. Black women seek information on a wide variety of topics including African-American hair care, health issues, relationship advice and career trends - and MadameNoire provides all of that.

Hi so I recently had this problem with an ex whom I’ve been on and off with and a couple days ago he asked if I was willing to be in a 3 person relationship with a “close friend” of his and it turns out he’s been talking to her behind my back and well after talking about it with him ..I decided that he should just leave me alone and not text me but he still texted that he was going to be there for me if needed to talk to him about anything ..I don’t know if I should respond to this ..or how to to respond to it …


This whole post really does make me think. Perhaps we have been conditioned to think that giving our partner space is the appropriate way to act? And, in a lot of cases it does cause the relationship to become somewhat stable again. But, I honestly think that if someone asks for space, or “changes”by contacting you less, it is a sign that they are an emotionally unstable person, who will only break you by making you feel paranoid.
So me and my boyfriend live together for about a year now. We were dating for almost 3 years. He broke up with me few days ago. I’m still at his house. We haven’t talked at all but when he gets home and lays down with me in bed. He hugs me so hard and doesn’t let go until he falls asleep. That’s all we been doing after we broke up. What does it mean?
I was in a fwb relationship with a man that I’m compatible with. But his ex wife and ex gf of 14 years both cheated on him. He never wants to date or have a relationship again. He says he’s un loveable too. It breaks my heart because I’m very much in love with him. He brok up with me 2 years ago because he knew I was in love with him without saying. We hadn’t talked again til last week. We had wonderful exciting sex. He said he hadn’t been with anyone in a long time.
You can tell if you’re lacking empathy when you hear responses from your partner like:  “You’re always trying to fix things,“ or “I just want you to listen,” or “You just don’t understand.” Non-empathic behaviors make her feel like she’s alone, that you don’t understand her, or that she can’t rely on you to help her overcome issues. On the other hand, conveying true empathy makes her feel as if the two of you are in this together. You’re a unit, a team, and you can work through challenges together.
When you take a relationship that is brand new and start thinking that it’s something, or forcing it to be more than it is, it’s game over. Your vibe will become man repelling and before long, he’ll be gone and you will be left baffled, analyzing what exactly you did to drive him away. But you won’t ever find the answer, because it isn’t concrete and measurable.
Remember, when a man pulls away due to stress it has nothing to do with you or his feelings for you. I understand that you think he should open up to you, but you can’t place these expectations on him. Why? Because he is wired differently than you. You wouldn’t appreciate being forced into doing something that went against your nature and the same is true for him. When someone forces us to be a certain way it’s violating and invasive. It’s a breach of our boundaries and it’s disrespectful.
i know this sounds ridiculous but i met this guy on a facebook game, he asked for my number but i refused to because well why would you want give out your number to a stranger he could be a scam. okay so he gave his instagram id and downloaded kik just to text me. we clicked right away. we spent days and days talking, flirting and joking and i sacrificed my time just to text him because of timezone. one night, he confessed that he had feelings for me that he never felt this great in a long time so i told him i feel the same way (tbh i’ve never fell in love this hard before) and we dated. i won’t deny that i love taking to him and i never believed in ldr before he came. we had few arguments tho, but it wasn’t serious. After days passed by, he went disappeared which i think he deleted his kik. We were good at that moment but idk what’s going on so a week later i went to his instagram to find him, just to you know clear this mess up and start over again and be friends, it doesnt matter if he changed his mind or met a new girl near him.. i just wanted to have a connection with him. The next day, i found out that he blocked me. That was a dick move but what’s worse is that i am still madly in love and maybe will die with the curiosity.
Tell him “Look you’re the one who broke up with me” state how you feel about it. “I’m not texting you because you msde it clesr you don’t want this relationship” wait for his response. If you do want him back in your life then let him be the first to say he wants you back. And if there is enough signs he does and you do want him, then tell him. If not tell him its making you uncomfortable
Step 2) Post a picture of you having a good time. Instead of him getting the comfort of knowing you are depressed without him in your life, show him you are still out and enjoying life without him needing to be in it. As I have mentioned many times in many articles, men are attracted to happy women. Not only that, he will want you more because he is going to be slightly upset at how un-upset you are. This is human instinct. He is going to want you to miss him, which will in turn make him start to miss you. Remember how having fun is part of this phase? Post a good picture of it!
When we get so focused on the need for any one man, it’s easy to get blinded. That’s when we start making excuses for him that may in fact be relationship deal breakers for us. If what you want is an exclusive relationship, yet you keep seeing him if he wants something else for fear of losing him, you’re really only losing yourself and all that is important to you.
we are in a long distance relationship and i am a school student where as he goes to office for work . i miss him very much . i just called him and he was irritated so i had to leave him alone. the next time we'll meet will be in summers and its very hard but i feel better keeping myself busy as to know our importance in each other's lives...i have my exam on my head but he is occupied in my heart :(
When men pull back, goddesses don't chase them; they don't try to figure men out; they don't play chess with men. They refuse to expend their precious energy in that way! Goddesses do feel their feelings; they do take care of themselves. They do communicate how they feel. And they do enforce personal boundaries by telling men what they want and don't want to feel in a relationship.
After a breakup, there always comes a time when you are forced to make a decision on whether to acknowledge your ex or not. This decision usually pops up on his birthday or a major holiday. Should you send that happy birthday text? Should you really hit send on that "Merry Christmas" message? The answer is no! Whatever you do, do not acknowledge your ex’s birthday, don’t wish him a happy Memorial Day, and just slap yourself for even justifying the need to send him a “Happy President’s Day” tweet. If you really want your ex to miss you, you have to hit him where it hurts. By refusing to acknowledge him on days that are important to him, it sends out the message that you have moved on, and he will instinctively want to draw you right back into his arms. He will definitely be missing all the attention he once received from you.
We almost know each other for 4 month and I was feeling he is opening up to me and he was not ready to fall in love and he was honest with me bout when he was talking to me sometime I was feeling he is into me .he was giving his time his is a doctor and when ever I text to him even 8f he is busy he was replaying me quickly and I day at earlier I told him if he want me to stop talking to him he said no stay with me and for 1 month and half he pull away …we working at same hospital and I want to vacation and when I go back to work he came to me and say Hi …i was so serpraice!!! And I act normal with him and from that day he came to play I work and see me acting like he is not here for me and sometime I can see him looking for me from his eyes and say Hi sometime …im really confuse why he came alot to the arya that I work and look at me hiding his eyes and watching my Snapchat.
I have broken up with my boyfriend since two months now,but then since he is not even texting or trying to approach. After we broke I remember after few days he called me up but I disconnected the call saying I don’t know whose speaking. Later this week mistakenly I made a call the next day he reverted me but then again I didnt answered him..what should I understand from this.i don’t know what he is upto…If he misses me? Or no
Offer to take him out to dinner on your dime. Don’t mention your emotional melt down. He doesn’t want to hear it. Make yourself humble and be grateful that he even wants to spend time with you. If you show him genuine remorse and he see this you might have a chance as long as he thinks you will never do that again. Goodluck you’re going to need it.
My boyfriend broke up with me early this month. He tells me he still loves me but felt like things weren’t feeling right anymore. He didn’t have this feeling for long he said, but he did feel it. We got in a fight one day and that’s when we broke up. He’s told me multiple times he does miss me, and begged me to come over when he was drunk because he just wanted to see me. We used to spend every night together when he was home from school, so I thought maybe we just spent too much time together doing the same boring thing everyday so he got tired of the relationship and not me? We’re not talking right now but idk what to do. We haven’t went a whole week in the past two years without talking to each other. Do you think he’ll miss me enough to want me back?

They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, and who cares about preserving his and her dignity. Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.


In my own research, I find that women are a slightly more faithful group, as confirmed by talks with sociologist W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. He says that just 14 percent of ever-married women report having had an extramarital affair over their lifetime, as compared with 22 percent of men.

So you’ve just met a great guy who you feel like you have a great connection with. He’s attractive, smart and fits into your definition of “tall, dark and handsome.” You’ve probably been speaking with him for a while, but you’ve noticed something quite strange about him—the time it takes for him to respond to your messages and return your calls doubles with every interaction.
Hi, I met this guy by chance in December and we fell deeply for each other all was going well, we were talking every day and seeing each other at least once a month. Then out of the blue he says it hurts too much when I leave and we should no longer see each other and be friends and see what happens when I move near him. I am out of the country at the moment but move back in 3 months time. I am devastated and as I’m now only away for a short period don’t understand it. He keep liking my Facebook as I’ve started to do th pimp up Facebook every one says to do, at first I did the emotional texts but even though it’s hard I don’t do that now. I keep getting texts from him saying sorry and also please do hate me…. I did respond to that saying I would never hate him as due to the distance I didn’t want him to think that. I just need some advice here as I feel we were the right people at the wrong time and will the no contact rule work in this situation. Thanks for your help
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