Everyone has their own opinions of what should and shouldn't be done in a relationship, but not everyone can afford professional counselling to solve their relationship issues and rely on sorting it out themselves. The only issue here is that everyone is worried about reaching out to their families and friends for support on their issues, and they tend to not get them resolved resulting in the relationship ending.
Why don’t you advise sending the man a brief text that recognizes he needs space and give him the time and space he needs? The guy I’ve been seeing for almost a year got fairly emotional one night and finally made a commitment to me. I think did, anyway. Lol But the very next day he became a bit cold and distant. I’d get brief replies to my texts, but that was it. I also know he’s dealing with some personal things as well. I texted him, told him I felt he was going through a few things and needed space. He replied with a Thanks! which confirmed my thoughts. A few days later, I texted him again, told him I missed him, (shows I’m not upset) but I understood he needed space and told him to take all the time and space he needs. (Shows understanding and willingness to allow him to do his thing) I also told him that if he ever wanted to know how was feeling or how I felt about him to listen to a specific song and ended the text with some sweet words. (To reassure him and to hopefully give him an earworm to keep him thinking about me and make him miss me.) Then nothing more. No texts. No calls. Nothing. My plan is to keep busy and let him contact me.

This is one of the main differences between men and women when it comes to relationships. Men are more in the moment and are able to comfortably enjoy a situation for what it is as it is. Women are always looking for ways to improve the relationship and push it forward. It’s not that one gender has it right and the other has it wrong. There needs to be a balance between enjoying the present and comfortably laying the foundation for a future. It just can’t be done forcefully.

This man is clearly into you, romantically, emotionally, physically, and intellectually. He’s making that clear with his words and actions. He is making an effort to connect, to spend time with you, and is public with his interest and affection. I think you are getting in your own way. It sounds like you need to re-evaluate your expectations of what love/attraction/romance should look like . You say:

I met my dream guy 1.5 years ago , Long distance , we text and stay in touch through Videos and social media , and the love started growing , we are both connected daily , however now that I live in the same town , do my own thing , I love to be independent , we still continue our game but he is not bringing it up to the next level of action yet, like asking out for a date , I wonder if I need to withdraw more , make him miss me more , and not respond to his videos an hour or 2hours later ? I am always available , every day when he posts …AM.

Social media gives us all the ability to take a peek into the lives of our friends, neighbors and complete strangers. With more and more people documenting their every move on platforms such as Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat, you can learn more about people than you ever really wanted (or needed) to know. If you still have your ex on your friends list, you could be possibly screwing up any chance of him missing you after the break up. So if you really want your ex to miss you, cut him off from having that instant access to your life 24/7. This means you’ll need to unfriend him and possibly block him from viewing all of your social media accounts. Today, unfriending someone is the equivalent of giving them a swift kick to the chest: it’s blunt, and it’s painful. But it’s totally necessary if you want to have any chance of making him miss you so much that he starts begging for a reconciliation.
There are many reasons why you and your ex stopped communicating following your breakup. Perhaps he told you to stop calling him, or maybe you blocked his number in your phone during one of your many post-breakup arguments. If you can’t have a one-on-one conversation with your ex, there is still a way you can secretly relay messages to him that will make him start to miss you! If the two of you have mutual friends, reconnect with a few of them and start telling them about all the great things that are going on in your life. The next time they bump into your ex, they will naturally tell him about your happy life. Consider these mutual friends to be your free message couriers, but use them wisely! Make sure to stay away from any topics that would put you in a negative light in your ex’s eyes.
While it may be easier for you to be vague with your partner, not open up to this person about your past, and keep yourself from feeling vulnerable, being able to have mutual trust with your partner is absolutely imperative in a relationship. When you're reliable, can count on each other, and have each other's best interests at heart, you're laying the groundwork for a meaningful and long-lasting connection.
Adam, can you, please, respond shortly to us, the ones we posted replies in here? At least a quick guidance about what you think the missing point of the big picture is in each of us situations! I don’t want to post a reply again on you tube. I just bought your book and another program, but until I will have the time to go through the entire thing and figure myself out WHERE I did wrong/or WHERE HE doesn’t pick up the pace, I could really use your educated smell that says it as it is! My guy is at work every time I run into him…he is Police, yeah, Mr. Police, but he is NOT ashamed to squeeze his head after me though, he just wanna make sure I don’t see him lately after he pulled off…so I don’t think he is not making the move bc the “work thing”….am I missing anything?
Advice from a male perspective anyone? I am dating a man who is 11 years older, I’m 26 and he is 37. He works out in the ocean and a lot of times we have minimal conversation via text/call. But when we are together everything is great and we get along very well. When he doesn’t have to wake in the wee ours or work out of town, he is with me every single weekend. We have been together six months and I have met all his close friends and friends kids. I have done well so far in respecting his space and he respects mine also. When he’s a weekend away with his guy friends, I am understanding and just ask him to contact me once when he is back in town so he feels he is not missing out on what he loves. However, this past weekend he had a sailboat race on the weekend which he let me know in advance and we made had plans for friday night. He reached out friday night saying that turns out he had to be at the venue in the wee hours so he would not be able to make our plans. I was emotionally unstable that weekend due to some work stress and family leaving so I needed him the most that friday. I did not think of my actions and instead of politely rescheduling for Monday, I blew him up – sent him various texts showing how I did not appreciate he canceled although it wasn’t his fault. I called numerous times in the weekend and texted many times while he was supposed to have time with his friends in the tournament. On Sunday I was so desperate that I passed by his house. His roommate was there and told me he hand’t come home yet. Since I blew him up friday, I have had no response to any of my texts nor has he answered any of my calls. I am very afraid that I scared him away and threatened his freedom. I also came out as desperate for going to his place. Today is Wednesday and I hadn’t reached out till Sunday. I sent him a very short/casual text today apologizing for taking out my stress on him and for not letting him have his space, to which I got no response. I am going to wait a few days and hopefully he will come around, as our relationship has matured and he’s told me how much he cares for me. Did I blow this up completely since it has been 4 days with no response?
This is one of the best comments I’ve read here Shirley. While I don’t think these articles are trying to blame us for the reason why men pull away. They do always seem to be like “oh he’ll come around”. Maybe in the land of unicorns and rainbows he will. In reality if the guy has made up his mind that they don’t want to be with you anymore no amount of space will make him change it. My ex ain’t coming back to me after his vanishing act. Was seeing him for a few months. Everything was fine until I didn’t want to have sex on the couch when he wanted me to after that I didn’t hear too much from him. Is he coming back to me? Probably not. Not unless he can’t find anything better. I wasn’t needy in that relationship. I only got pissed off when I hadn’t heard from him in a few weeks which I thought was a bit out of character. Then I tried to find out what was up and got zilch. His silence spoke pretty loudly.
Now, the following strategies for getting him to bring up the subject all entail risk: Having The Talk, no matter who initiates it, might either scare him off or cause him to give you an answer you don't want to hear ("I don't want a commitment, but I'd love to continue having sex with you. Okay?"). But come on. You don't want to spend the rest of your life pining for some guy who thinks you're great to share a burger and a bed with but little else, right? The risk is generally worth taking.
We know how stressful it can be and we understand that it's not nice to face these battle alone, therefore, this relationship advice for women forum can be used to speak to other women and girls about your issues anonymously online for free. We don't charge a penny to use this advice forum , as everyone says ... "relationships are so difficult!", but it doesn't necessarily need to be that way if you manage the relationship well and reach out when needed.
Actions do speak louder than words and when it comes to communication with your man, up to 85% comes from your body language. It’s normally the physical draw that gets the conversation going. When it comes to the chemistry, it’s the pheromones that certain people are drawn to. Researchers believe this is what makes people want more after the first signs of physical attraction.

I hope this article helped you better understand the signs a guy is pulling away. Now that you know what to look for, do you know how to deal with it? The fact is, men inevitably pull away and different points in a relationship for various reasons. The way you respond will determine if the relationship succeeds or ends. Do you know what to do to re-ignite his interest when he pulls away? If not, read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
He knows I hate when he ignores me and sometimes I feel he does it purposely. It will only be a few hours so I know I’m also being irrational but during those times I completely get beside myself thinking he’s with the woman he slept with. Last night I went to his house and he basically kicked me out at 2am bc he was doing paperwork (taxes). He called me crackw%^*# and a liar, I’m not even sure why he would call me such filth and told me I’m too independent and I need to learn to be more submissive. Instead of arguing I should be making him dinner and cleaning his house. Other times he adores and worships the ground I walk on. This all started when I wouldn’t move in to his house bc I felt if he truly wanted to live together we could move into another house together. Plus he absolutely hates my dog, my apartment and basically everything I do. I ask him why he’s even with me if I have according to him so many “hang ups”. Advice please.
Instead, have your own interests to demonstrate how exciting your life is, with or without them. "You want to be the fast-moving car that they want to jump into, not the one sitting in the parking lot, waiting around," Trespicio says. Keep up your long runs on the weekends even if they want to hang out, and don't expect (or nag) them to skip weekly basketball games in favor of seeing you. "The most appealing thing to a partner is someone who has her own autonomy and strength," Kelman says. The more they see that you have a fantastic life of your own, the more likely they'll want to jump in and be a part of it. (Related: What Happens When You're Dating Your Workout Buddy—and You Break Up)
Too often women try to change men into something that they really are not. Before you embark on your commitment campaign ask yourself if he is the committment type. This will make your job much easier and save you a lot of embarassment and trouble down the line. If the guy wants to settle down with you, he will and sometimes the only thing that changes his mind is you telling him that he needs to. If he is not the type that wants to settle down do not put yourself on a high pedestal like so many women and get yourself believing that he played aaround with adozen women before you but you are the special one that he needs. Again twisting his arm is not necessary if you nand he are on the same page. If he really wants to settle down, he will withoung the convincing. Just dont allow him to settle when he seems out of options.
I think you’re focusing WAY too much on him and what he’s feeling. You’re focusing on the fear you have of losing him rather than focusing on your happiness. You have to ask yourself how you feel about yourself in this relationship as is. Do you feel your confidence, or do you feel insecure? No man is worth being with if you feel insecure. And if you do feel it, you have to change your dynamic and approach so you can get that confidence back. A man LOVES a confident woman, and you’ll feel better about yourself being confident, anyway. The way to get confident and attract him or any other man to you is by focusing on YOURSELF. You need to make sure you’re happy on your own before you can be happy with a man. This doesn’t mean you need to be single to get happy—just have a fulfilling life for yourself outside of a man. Don’t let him be the ONLY valuable thing or person you have in your life. You need to be excited about more in your day than your bf. You have to have other things going for you that make you happy. Once you can sustain happiness without the need of a man, you’ll have your confidence and this will be attractive to other men (and possibly your ex). The key is to not lose the focus on YOU even when you do get into a relationship or the relationship deepens. NEVER lose sight of your happiness. You need to continue having a fulfilling life outside of HIM. Once you start losing that grasp on yourself and get more caught up within the relationship, you’ll start to depend on him for your happiness—and he’ll withdraw again. Even if he withdrew for other reasons, chasing after him as if you can’t live without him will only push him away further. If he is a good man who is emotionally available and TRULY wants you, I promise he will come back. You don’t chase him, you don’t contact him. Let him contact you. Give him the chance to miss you. This can take anywhere from a couple weeks to a year or more. It’s however long it takes him to miss you, IF he truly wants you (took my guy 8 months). In the meantime, you don’t wait on him. You focus on yourself and getting your happiness and confidence. Fill your life with people and hobbies you love. Try new things you haven’t tried before. Change jobs if the one you have makes you miserable. Do what you need to do to give yourself a fulfilling life. Make sure you have your days full of plans so you don’t give yourself the chance to sit and mope about your breakup. That’s not going to help you. You need to show yourself how great life can be, even if he’s not in it. If he never reaches out, then he doesn’t truly want you—and why would you want someone who doesn’t want you as much as you want them? Don’t wait around for him. Focus on you. He will come back if he truly wants you, and you have to continue to focus on yourself even if he does. If he doesn’t come back, you’re going to be fine because you’re nurturing your happiness and confidence. PLEASE don’t lose sight of yourself, ever. It’s your golden ticket to happiness and to a great man who will love and respect you.
Hi Adam. I’ve been talking to a man I met on pof for 6 weeks. We get along incredibly well, have very long phone conversations laugh a lot. He pursued me hardcore until I gave in to a date. Went out twice got along great. He always begged me to come over to snuggle at night. So one night I finally get up the nerve to go over but no official invite that particular night, thought it would be a cute surprise. He was drinking with friends that night (he went out and I had a previous engagement as well) but let me in and was surprised to see me. We fool around a little bit and he let’s me know that he isn’t able to have sex due to too much drinking that evening. We snuggle for an hour then I leave. He’s been a little distant for a week now. He still calls every day but never flirty texts anymore, not hardcore pursuing anymore and hasn’t made any plans to see me although we could have seen each other since then. He seemed to like me so much before, what did I do wrong? Should I still continue to talk to him on the phone or just hang it up?
Imagine you go on a couple dates with a guy, and the chemistry is awesome. You have loose plans to hang out the following weekend. But then, he goes silent for the weekend. You’re puzzled because things went really well on the dates, but you play it cool because you’re a sexy, single lady and you don’t invest more emotionally in a guy than he’s investing in you.
I have a long distance relationship since Jan (Spain-Sweden) seeing every 3 weeks, he said he doesnt have time for full time gf which i said ok so distance is fine so it has been fine as he is been full on even flew to surprise me like crazy! and i know he is crazy about me, all is good but suddenly (2 weeks ago) he said i am in his head all day and he needs to focus in work as he has a financial goal. and break up w me but in tears so it showed me he cares about me but we talked after and i believe, been w me has affected his work and he feels bad about it. i told him we can step back a bit so he can focus in work. help!!!!!!

Hey Sabrina. Great article! I’ve gotta say, the emails I get from you and Eric help a lot. There’s this guy that I met while I was at university, there was definitely a mutual attraction between us but we never acted on it. We’re good friends, but everytime we see each other I feel this spark whenever I’m around him or talk to him. I don’t want to scare him off because I really value his friendship and also I like that I can just be myself around him. He also helped me get through a tough situation a couple of years ago. I’m confused because I get a vibe from him that he wants to be with me but he never says it outright.
“Men are so used to being pursued when they’re trying to gain perspective that he’s going to be shocked you’re giving him the space he wants. He’ll realize that you’re different from most other women he’s dated, in a good way” – Good doesn’t begin to cover it. I would be ecstatic and incredulous that my partner is actually willing to let me do what I need to do to be myself, with no ulterior motive.
Have you ever dated a man where everything is going perfectly and you are bonding on every level, spending all your time together, and even making plans for the future, and then poof, he’s gone?!  Well believe it or not, this is a more common scenario that you might think.  Men feel pressure just like women do, and when it comes to relationships many men take flight, before they fight.  Take a look at these 8 reasons why he might be pulling away from you — to perhaps see if you can stop it.

I miss my boyfriend too. We where so close, we met at church 3 years ago and honestly my life has been a bundle of happiness. Right now he went to a refugee camp because he's not from my country and back in his country there is war at the moment. I cry every night because I know how harsh they are treated there. He has been gone for a week now and it feels like a whole decade already. What is more hurtful is that he might take even longer because of the lengthy procedures. I really miss him
Then, for every ten black women, there are only nine black men in society. Many die young. (Which means that many more have seen their friends die young). Many — but not most — are in prison. Many more are tagged with often scurrilous criminal records they don’t deserve — “resisting arrest” or “suspicious behavior” or “fleeing police in a high-crime area” — which prevents them from being considered for jobs, voting, or feeling like equals to their fellow male citizens.
This is one of the best comments I’ve read here Shirley. While I don’t think these articles are trying to blame us for the reason why men pull away. They do always seem to be like “oh he’ll come around”. Maybe in the land of unicorns and rainbows he will. In reality if the guy has made up his mind that they don’t want to be with you anymore no amount of space will make him change it. My ex ain’t coming back to me after his vanishing act. Was seeing him for a few months. Everything was fine until I didn’t want to have sex on the couch when he wanted me to after that I didn’t hear too much from him. Is he coming back to me? Probably not. Not unless he can’t find anything better. I wasn’t needy in that relationship. I only got pissed off when I hadn’t heard from him in a few weeks which I thought was a bit out of character. Then I tried to find out what was up and got zilch. His silence spoke pretty loudly.
Typically, men love to see their woman as a prize that they need to work for. They see the woman that they choose to be with as an accomplishment and as someone that took work to earn. It might sound a little silly but it’s true. Men love to know a woman has a mind of her own, is confident, and isn’t easy to get. So, men pull away when women get too clingy. Do not start canceling all your plans to be available to him every day all day.
Don’t hope that things are going to stay amazing if you are currently in a great relationship. And don’t hope things are going to get better if you are in an unhappy relationship. Hope does nothing for your relationship. Action does. You have to put in the work to make the relationship strong and happy, and if you are not willing to do that, then you don’t get to complain when things go south – and they will go south. Relationships take work to stay healthy.
Studies of long-term, committed couples show that there are almost always ups and down in the phases of a relationship. Starting out with a positive attitude and trying to negotiate differences are good ways to seek and maintain a relationship balance. From the research of Marcel Zentner of the University of Geneva, we learn that "Men and women who continue to maintain that their partner is attractive, funny, kind, and ideal for them in just about every way remain content with each other." Put another way, they are matched ideals. In addition, they are able to maintain positive illusions.3
My boyfriend and I had been living together for almost six months although we’ve been dating for close to 3 years. At first it was the perfect moments of our lives but along the way we started having pointless arguments and naughty attitudes toward each other. I couldn’t stand him and he always said it was because he loved me more. So he got another apartment and stopped staying with me. Now I miss him more than I ever have. We stopped fighting and eventually he invited me over for the weekend because he was dying to see me. After leaving, I missed him more and couldn’t do anything without him. He cried that he misses me more but I don’t think he does else he would have moved back in. Please any help making him miss me more than I miss him?
Too often women try to change men into something that they really are not. Before you embark on your commitment campaign ask yourself if he is the committment type. This will make your job much easier and save you a lot of embarassment and trouble down the line. If the guy wants to settle down with you, he will and sometimes the only thing that changes his mind is you telling him that he needs to. If he is not the type that wants to settle down do not put yourself on a high pedestal like so many women and get yourself believing that he played aaround with adozen women before you but you are the special one that he needs. Again twisting his arm is not necessary if you nand he are on the same page. If he really wants to settle down, he will withoung the convincing. Just dont allow him to settle when he seems out of options. 

I am from America, but I am currently studying in Europe. During a holiday I went with some friends for a trip in another country here. There I met a guy in a bar. We kissed and he walked me back to my hotel, we said good buy and he got my contact. The next day he text me and invited me for drinks because it was his last night in the city (he was also there in a trip). We went to a bar and had a nice conversation. After that I said that it would be better to be just friends (because we meet during a trip and we both live in different countries in Europe). First he kept saying that I was very special, different from the other girls, and that he didn’t want to just say good bye. But I insisted that it was better like this (given that we had just met). He was clearly very upset and he even unfriended me on Facebook. I was sad about it the next day, so I decided to text him and let him know that I liked him and we could see each other in the future if he felt the same. He said he was upset before because I acted like he didn’t mean when he said I was special and he felt like I thought he was just interested in sleeping with me. He said he already done that in the past, but that this time this wasn’t the case. Then he said he missed me and booked a flight to visit me one month after. We were talking everyday through messages and some days in Skype (he would take the initiative). He came to my city for 3 days and we had a great time. During his last day in my town he seemed a bit distant or sad, but he gave the impression that he would like to visit me again. When I said I could visit him in his town he seemed really happy. But, the problem is that I will return to America in two months. So, my idea was to see him at least one more time before that, but I didn’t have hopes for a relationship. When he returned to his city we were still talking everyday with messages and sometimes Skype (again his initiative), but he wouldn’t let me know if we could see each other again. After two weeks I directly asked him if he would like to see me again or not. He said the needed time to think, because even though we could have a nice weekend together it would make things to be quite worse afterwords. And also he said, he had a bad experience in the past with a distant relationship, and that he promised himself to never do it again before he met me. First, I thought it was strange that he was mentioning a relationship after seeing each other only two times. Second, if he already knew from the past that he didn’t want a distant relationship, why would he buy a flight to visit me in the first place? I though that maybe we was just looking for a casual thing after all. On the other hand, if he is just looking for a casual thing, why wouldn’t he want to meet me just one more time before I go back to America? I still have some time before I leave to America, and it has been 1 month since we discussed this situation about seeing each other again. So, I don’t know if I should send him another message and tell him that we can still meet in case he change his mind. My intention was just to see him one more time and enjoy a nice time together, because I really liked this guy and this is unusual for me. So, even though we couldn’t have a relationship I would like to see him one more time. The problem is that I already made it clear before that I also didn’t want a distant relationship, and still he said that if we met things would be worst afterwords. Should I text him again and leave it open in case he changes his mind? Or do I risk damaging the nice terms in each we are now?
Forget all those relationship expert columns that tell you it’s most important to your man that he first see what’s in your heart. Bull****. It’s most important to see what’s inside your clothes. Now, before you scream, “Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig!” listen carefully. I’m not saying that we need to get into your pants right away in order to enjoy your company. But I am saying that men definitely need to know that you have the goods and that you take care of yourself. To put it bluntly, a guy’s first interest in a woman has nothing to do with the handbag she’s carrying or that she graduated from an Ivy League school. What your (potential) man wants you to know but won’t tell you is that his initial attraction is all about your appearance and physical being, which sends a flood of highly charged testosterone racing through his veins. Yes, the physical is first, and we’re not saying we won’t eventually fall in love with your intelligence, kindness, and humor. These extremely important attributes are the ones that will ultimately be critical in helping you hook us. But in the beginning the number-one attribute is what you look like and how well you take care of yourself.
You are aware that this relationship will be long distance for a minimum of two years. Determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Decide if this relationship is viable. It is important for him to focus on his work, as Cyprus is currently an unsafe environment. Share your thoughts and feelings with him. Give him a chance to do the same. Have a great day, Jane!
The glossy magazines that litter the newsstands do a real disservice to you all by defining beauty in such a narrow way. A quick flip through the pages and it’s boringly obvious that most of the models and celebrities featured in these magazines are really a variation on the same theme. The truth for us men, however, is that beauty is diverse and idiosyncratic. (Great news for you.) Some of us want the well-endowed woman, while others are repulsed by the surgically enhanced. Some of us want tall and slim, while others want short and curvaceous. Some of us want you to have some “junk in the trunk,” while others want it small and tight. There really is some truth to the saying, “There’s a lid for every pot.” The challenge for most women, however, is finding that fit.
If you think your man is pulling away from you, it's imperative that you take a moment to reflect on your own actions and behavior. After being completely honest with yourself, you can see if you're the one who's actually growing distant and shutting him out, and he's simply reacting to your behavior. If he's feeling unappreciated, unimportant to you, or taken for granted, he may pull away from you because he's not getting what he needs from you as a partner.

You guys fell in love for a reason, and while there are multiple reasons for your love, one of the biggest factors will be your personality. Show him what he’s missing by having fun and being yourself. We don’t mean go out and have fun without him, it’s more about making him realize why he loved you in the first place. By showing him the different sides to your personality you will allow him to come to his senses and tell you how much he misses you and can’t wait to see you.


I enjoy reading your articles. I’ve been seeing this guy for almost a year. We dated before 6 years ago and the reason we stopped dating is because he said I was pushing for something he wasn’t ready for. I didn’t realize I was pushing. He’s saying now like he said before, he doesn’t want a girlfriend right now, he’s too busy. But yet he’s still interested. He has said things to me like, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot and there’s nothing I can do about”, “We are more than just friends”, and then he pulls away again. It’s been an emotional roller coaster ride with him. He lives an hour away, we only text once a week or so, and only see each other every 2 or 3 months. We get frustrated with each and have arguments but still want to see each other so there’s something there. We are both Scorpios so I’ve been reading articles about 2 Scorpios being in a relationship and reading your articles. I’ve tried very hard not to seem “pushy” and realize the relationship is what it currently is. But how long do I have to wait for him to want to see me more? What should I say to him? 
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