Hi. I dated this guy last year , but unfortunately it didn’t work out between us cause I was unreachable and shy. We pretty much texted the whole time and met a few times. I fell for him and he said he had feelings for me too . But all of a sudden he wanted to be just friends. We had 5 months long an emotional relationship/friendship and 5 months a non-emotional one. I kinda acted out there. He started giving me less atttetion day after day and we started fighting every now and then and I got super jealous when he talked about this other girl he liked. Eventually he called the friendship off. I asked him to block my number and social accounts so we wouldn’t have contact . It’s been 4 months now and I miss him everyday. I’m madly in love with him . Haven’t heard of him for 4 months and I want him back. I can’t get over him being gone from my life. Please help. What should I do ? Why am I feeling this way.

Thanks for your comment. The only thing I would "call out" about this is when you say if they want you no matter the circumstances, you know it. The reason being is because he has proven it to you over time. He is not in a vulnerable state and also going through a lot. Typically a man under financial stress and job stress takes a significant toll on his ego and self-dignity. It's a different stress. Losing someone you welcome support because he had no control over it. Now, the other stuff he possibly did and is having a significant amount of guilt. What I would suggest is that you step back a bit and let him reach out when he is ready. I do believe checking in with him from time to time is good and not let your ego get the best of you. Be positive in your time and conversations with him right now. Do not input any additional stress and let things progress naturally. Show him that you will support him even if that's giving him some time to breathe. You will find out the answer. I would encourage you to also book a session with me here so I can give you exact tailored advice for your situation. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
my bf left me for another girl.he keeps telling me that i am nothing to him.he wants to b with the other girl.he has no feeling for me anymore.this has started more than one year ago.by this time he also speak to me but not on his own mood or to rebuild our relationship.he does so becz i request him to be with me at least for some hours or some minute… we talk only 2 or 3 days per a week…but I can’t stay without him I want him back.plzz help me…if this is possible for me to get him back as my bf again??
Sometimes men pull away for the same reasons we do . Ex: they have a huge stress related pimple and because most men don't wear makeup, they can't hide it, and they are embarrassed. Just because men exhibit different behavior than we do ( all that "manly" conditioning) doesn't mean they are so different than we are. Let's stop talking about men and women like we are different species and we need to study each other. Neither men nor women have a collective mind. Let's just treat each other as individuals and take every case into account. I met the nicest, sweetest guy a year ago. Doesn't mean it's all been perfect, but he's an individual just like I am and this b.s. "guys do this" and "women do that" is just not helpful to anyone. I love my short, stocky, loudmouth best friend/ sometimes bf dearly. First, and foremost, hes my best friend, the best friend I have ever had, when he's not being a pain in the ass. But he's still my best friend, and I love him, I hope we will always be friends.
Now, a lot of men will not be in a relationship if they don’t feel secure within themselves. This is especially true if the woman is someone beautiful and independent. For example, a man may pull away if he is not financially secure at the moment. This is something that may help him feel superior, confident, and not wonder if he is good enough for you. Also, he may have certain health issues that he is not comfortable telling you about until he figures things out on his own. Another reason could be instability and or unhappiness related to his job. This can be an additional source of stress and men tend to feel as though they need to feel confident or protected with their primary sources of freedom: Money, Health, and Work.
I have a 4yr old girl and a 2 yr old boy. My kids dad and i was together for 12yrs i kno all to well that this happens. My best advice is to start putting the kids in childcare and you get a lil job you like or at a daycare being you you are use to caring for kids for like 4 hrs a day and stop focusing on him. And he’ll come bac around. Like that you’ll start building your own friendships and your always busy. Pay him less attention and he is gonna be like damn what happen and what he’s expecting. Have fun a mothers life is stressful to you need a outlet.
I think there is a difference between a natural pull away and an uncomfortable/bad pull away. But I also think that men who really care about you will not pull away very much. They may want a day or two alone (natural pull away) but they don’t fade out on you and give you bad vibes (uncomfortable/bad pull away). My experience has always been that the guys that wanted me the most never pulled away, no matter how close we got. My first real serious college boyfriend was always on the same page with me from beginning to end, we… Read more »
Hi Lauren, I've been wrestling with this with family and friends and thought maybe someone else online could help.Here's my situation. I have known my fiance for over a year, we met online and have visited each other many times. I've flown over to ireland three to four times for weeks at a time and she had visited the US for six weeks to try it out in february and for the fiance visa for six weeks in July-Sept. We would talk everyday for four to five hours a night while we were apart. She is very close to her family and loves her country. She believes Ireland is the best thing since refried beans. My plan was for her to Move to the US and we could live there while she could visit ireland for two to three months every year with the future kids for summer and christmas and then we'd move to ireland for good when I retired since I'm the bread winner and my specified job is in america (I'm a petroleum Engineer). However she back peddled and said she doesn't think what we had is strong enough to leave her family. So she came up with a five year plan. When she moved to the US for five years then we have to move back to ireland and find work there. I really loved her to i agreed to the promise. Well while she was over in the US for the fiance visa she started getting really homesick. A week or so before the wedding she said she realized why she had doubts about the marriage and that was that she loved me but wasn't "in love with me" and that I should treat her more like a lover instead of a friend. But to not worry about it and we can work on it. The next night she popped the question. "If i wanted to go back to ireland in a year will you go with me?" I said no. "what about after five years to raise our kids?" I sighed and just said no. She called off the wedding and cried alot. I should have said something other than no. Like, yes that's our plan. Or we'll do what's best for our fam...

Yes, the argument I’m referring to was everything that was said when I got teary and upset… I couldnt stop talking and trying to find out the reason for my feelings so I kept asking him why he wanted to stop and no answer he gave made me feel better so I kept on saying I just didn’t understand and asking why didn’t he do this, or that. I also told him I felt rejected and he said that was ridiculous, which upset me more…. we ‘talked’, with me getting more and more upset and he said I was talking… Read more »
Before reading this article, if a guy pulled away I would have automatically assumed he was no longer interested, had met someone else or I’d done something to upset him. In addition, I most certainly wouldn’t have been happy to welcome him back with open arms. On the other hand, IF the need for space was communicated beforehand-though I’d still be wondering- then I’d have no problem with this at all.
Long story short, this article helped put things in perspective again. I’m going to try my Damndest to give him space when he seems to pull away, play the cool understanding girl a little while longer, & endure. I do love him with every ounce of my heart & soul. I have always been a very confident person & have NEVER let anyone “treat me” this way. But, I’ve also never loved someone so deeply nor with this personality type before.
To be honest I don't think he is scared to take the next step. I do think he likes you and has feelings for you but it seems to me that you are not setting boundaries and voicing your opinion and standards in this relationship so he will eventually take you for granted. I know this isn't the answer you want to hear but I am here to give you the truth through years of experience. Right now, he has you when he wants you and he does not have anything pushing him to be with you. Some questions I would ask is why does it not bother you that he is touchy feely with other women? Becuase you don't want to push him away? Or Don't want to come off bossy, controlling, or needy? If so, then this will push a man away because he will take you for granted. Now, if you are open to open relationships then that's ok too. Just trying to touch all bases here. But moving forward you need to know your good enough and not an option to this man. Go radio silent for 30 days! Also, challenge yourself to do some new activities to keep your mind busy. I know this will be hard but do this. :) I invite you to reach out to me for a coaching session too if you would like so we can get some actions into play.

We had very profound conversations, sharing the most intimate secrets and trusting each other. The physical part was amazing! After I couldn’t withhold my feelings on several occasions (two –three times during these two months) he started to pull back. The invitations to sleep over stopped all of a sudden, he stopped texting me every day and we have not met now for three weeks. I don’t see anything of what he told me before (that I was a different kind of a woman, that he hardly let someone so close to himself, that I am one of the few people he lets touch and hug him, that he cared about me given that he texted me every day, that I am a person worth having closer and that he didn’t want to hurt me). I try to revive things but every time I ask to meet he comes with “Maybe, if you find time although I am going out this weekend” and after going out “I got so drunk, I have a terrible hangover let’s meet another day” (which never comes), or when I ask whether we would meet he says “Let’s go to the cinema!” and then asks “Have you seen the movies? Although there is nothing good..” and it all stops there.
I am delighted that you have heeded my advice. I have read the list you have constructed and I am pleased to tell you that I agree with it. Communication helps a relationship grow stronger. Along with that, it is very important to spend time with each other. I highly appreciate your gesture of talking to me about the list. With it, you and your boyfriend will be able to go a very long way. As for the matter of a relationship consisting of two people I greatly admire the last line you have written. It is vital to keep certain issues and matters amongst yourselves. My best wishes to you both.

√We’ve contacted each other only a few times since the breakup. Recently he called me after 10:00 pm to chat since I was going away to work out of town. I missed his call so i called him back about an hour& 1/2 later. He called again to wish me happy birthday Early in the a.m. I picked up and the convo was nice. He’s pulled back tho now. Deliberately I feel…or moved on… Whatever the case,I don’t know how to deal with my feelings.I want to contact him but I don’t know if I should. I’m in paint from missing him and not having the guts to tell him. I’ve gone out with one other guys since then and even worked a lot,still he stays on my mind.
Don’t worry just give him time. This situation happened to me. With my bf we quarrelled so severely that I thought i never could get him back and i stopped even trying. I didnt call and write to him about 45 days and finally before new year he wrote to me saying he is so sorry. He could even dated with another girl in that short time. I could never imagine he would come back to me i thought it is really impossible cuz we had really severe continuous argument. So just give time and dont be clingy. Start your own life noatter he comes back or not
I managed to push him away he has now told me he needs time and space which is killing me inside… We also worked so well together but as soon as we were apart I would think he is cheating on me etc… I now I can see how stupid I was for bringing all the hurt and distrust into this relationship… I just hope I haven’t lost him forever… How are you coping?
I need advice. We met on match.com and only dated about 3 weeks but had a great connection from the very beginning. Plus we share a lot in common (we agree about a lot, graduated high school same year, kids are same age). But he broke it off because 1) we moved too fast (didn’t have sex but went further than we intended by date 2) and 2) we’re in different places in our lives – I’m going through a divorce and he’s been divorced for years. I’m devastated. We ended things amicably last week (I didn’t fight it, though I wanted to) and we haven’t been in contact. But he’s been back on match.com already. My question is, what are our chances for trying again in the future? Did moving too fast derail us completely?
I was in a relationship with a guy who suffers with depression we had our ups and dwn i started txting an ex over a year ago it stopped 5 mnth after he my bf found out and we gt through it we drifted apart bout 4 mnth ago but was txting he wanted me bk 2 week ago told me he misses me etc i spoke to him on phone 2 week ago he said we need to talk so i arranged to go out sat he never turned up then txt me saying he dnt want to be with me thats when i started hounding him txt messages phone calls which in en he blocked me he came ova a week ago to talk he clamed up woundnt talk to me told me i was pushing him away hes got things in his head agen bout me txting my ex i miss him so much dnt know what to do started 30 day no contact i am in such a state at minute
I was with my ex for 1 year and 3 months. Before our one year anniversary he told me he doesn’t feel the same way about me as he did before. He just said he fell out of love with me. I begged for him to stay and he stayed with me. Our relationship seemed fine but then in January he became super distant and I had a feeling he cheated on me so I asked him and he was honest about it. We broke up for a day then we got back together and on February16th he broke up with me. Almost every time I saw him before that I made the mistake of trying to figure out why he didn’t love me and how to fix it. I kept asking him serious questions and answers to fix the problem. I thought it would magically make him love me again. After he broke up with me I begged for him to stay for about a week and I am now trying no contact. Will no contact work? Should I just give up? Is it too late? I love him do much
Hello, it’s the best article I have ever read. I have just ended up the relationship with my boyfriend and the article gives me some insights indeed. But I was wondering if I could get personal advice? May I share my whole story and may I possibly get the most effective and suitable advice for my problems? I would be pleased if you reply me. I will be looking forward to….
i know this sounds ridiculous but i met this guy on a facebook game, he asked for my number but i refused to because well why would you want give out your number to a stranger he could be a scam. okay so he gave his instagram id and downloaded kik just to text me. we clicked right away. we spent days and days talking, flirting and joking and i sacrificed my time just to text him because of timezone. one night, he confessed that he had feelings for me that he never felt this great in a long time so i told him i feel the same way (tbh i’ve never fell in love this hard before) and we dated. i won’t deny that i love taking to him and i never believed in ldr before he came. we had few arguments tho, but it wasn’t serious. After days passed by, he went disappeared which i think he deleted his kik. We were good at that moment but idk what’s going on so a week later i went to his instagram to find him, just to you know clear this mess up and start over again and be friends, it doesnt matter if he changed his mind or met a new girl near him.. i just wanted to have a connection with him. The next day, i found out that he blocked me. That was a dick move but what’s worse is that i am still madly in love and maybe will die with the curiosity. 

Before I can start getting into the tactics that you can use to help move the reconnection process along there are a few things I need to teach you about text messages. I entitled this section “the basics of text conversations” because I feel there is a lot you need to understand about the basics of this process before you take any major steps like text messaging your ex.
Okay so I was dating a guy for 3 months. He chased me for 2 months.. and during the 3 months I went crazy I suppose got super needy and clingy . Which isn’t me.. this guy and I never faught and if we did it was very trival over within 5 mins. Wel he broke up with me but just said he needed some space. Now he been snap chatting me off and on and texting but we haven’t spoken about the break up at all.. idk what to do and is there chance. He was telling me he was scared to talk to me at first. We had an instant connection and he can’t wait to marry me and live and support me. Since he broke up with me I seen my mistakes and have told him sorry for them and that I realize it now and I promise it won’t be the same .
While it is important to not pursue your ex for a month or so, it's okay to be responsive if he or she pursues you. In other words, if you get a call, don't hang up on your ex or refuse to talk. It is not necessary to try to play mind games or play hard to get, and doing so would have the potential to push him or her further away, which is the opposite of your goal at this point.[6]
My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. He said he craves for independence and he he still loves me but that’s just what’s right to do. He pushed me away whenever I try to get close or hug or lean my head against his back. I really love him and I want to get him back but we are flatmates, we live together and I don’t know how to do the no contact? And I’ve gone home for a few days and I didn’t tell him where I was going. I’ll be going back in a few days and I’ll be seeing him again. What should I tell him if he asks me where I went? I don’t want to look like a loser grieving so much for our relationship. And I really want to get him back.
This also seems like a misplaced expectation of what love is and what relationships can do. A relationship will not solve all your problems, or make you whole, or give you ecstatic happiness at every turn. I’m not sure what “enough” for you looks like. It sounds like you need to mature in your understanding of love and adjust your expectations, rather than throw in the towel or play games with his heart. Have a conversation with him, but also do some introspection with yourself of where these ‘shoulds’ are coming from.
Deal lauren. I am a fan of mars and venus books and i have all the collection. I also recommended the books to my friends. But i still need your advice , my bf broke up with me 4 months ago. he felt overwhelmed, asked space and said he has nothing to say other than he needs to be alone. Since than i tried everything includinf suggesting to be friends and told him im over the break up and want my friend back. We work together, we were close friends for 6 months and we dated for 4 months. So after the friendship speech, he panicked and ended the conversation by saying lets keep it simple and move on. So i decided to start a true limited contact ( since i hv to work with him daily), since than he called once for work purpose (i think) but didnt answer him, he asked once how i was doing ( i replied im gd only) he tried a few jokes, and we met at a friends wedding so he invited me to dance with our other friends but i declined. I am commited to NC. He also invited me for a coffee at the work coffee shop and touched my hand once. My reactions were simple and didnt show attention or neediness. Than suddenly he went distant again and start ignoring me all over again. Im completly lost. I thought he starts to get closer!!!Please advice. Thank you ...
My boyfriend is negative, accuses me of things, tells me things like “can’t make a hoe a housewife”. He never admits he’s wrong. He can’t accept the fact that I don’t talk to people I used to like. The ones I do talk to are not a threat. Only recently has there been one – and this is after him accusing and accusing me of things from lying to always hiding shit from him. And for these reasons.. I no longer want him in my life. I am done with it.
My partner and I have been together a little over two years but recently broke up (he broke up with me) and I want to follow all these rules, as I believe I am strong enough to do it and I absolutely want him back however we do currently live together and study at the same school. I’m living in a new town and don’t have any family or friends here so providing space is hard. What do I do???
Between one technique for getting back together and another, it’s hard to know which one is the most efficient. Should you try radio silence or the hand-written letter? Did the rendezvous that you had with your ex positively conclude your attempt at getting back together, or was it your work on fixing the issues that needed to be addressed what made things right again? Only the help of an experienced professional will help you figure out the best thing to do as quickly as possible.

Thanks for your comment. The only thing I would "call out" about this is when you say if they want you no matter the circumstances, you know it. The reason being is because he has proven it to you over time. He is not in a vulnerable state and also going through a lot. Typically a man under financial stress and job stress takes a significant toll on his ego and self-dignity. It's a different stress. Losing someone you welcome support because he had no control over it. Now, the other stuff he possibly did and is having a significant amount of guilt. What I would suggest is that you step back a bit and let him reach out when he is ready. I do believe checking in with him from time to time is good and not let your ego get the best of you. Be positive in your time and conversations with him right now. Do not input any additional stress and let things progress naturally. Show him that you will support him even if that's giving him some time to breathe. You will find out the answer. I would encourage you to also book a session with me here so I can give you exact tailored advice for your situation. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Interpret your emotions. In the pain and confusion of a breakup, it can be easy to confuse your emotions, interpreting feelings of loneliness and hurt as evidence that you need your ex back in your life. In fact, almost everyone who experiences a breakup initially feels remorse for the lost relationship, coupled with feelings of anxiety, guilt, depression, and loneliness. Generally, the more serious the relationship was, the more severe these feelings tend to be; couples who are married or cohabiting tend to have the worst breakups, whereas those who were casually dating tend to have an easier time in the aftermath of a breakup.[1] But the severity of your feelings does not automatically mean that you should get back together with your ex.
Determine why the relationship is in trouble. All relationships go through rough patches at one point or another. As the novelty of your first few months together wears off, problems and stress start to pile up and things you once found cute begin to annoy you to no end. While there are always small issues in a relationship, some issues can cause problems when they linger under the surface for too long:
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